Advice on controlling ex please!

masonsmum

Yes I have his work address and home address, no I have not told him I have contacted the CSA I think because I know what will come when I do??

sassyblue

Poor OP!! I echo others, don't reply to his messages - being ignored will hurt his ego more. (if you do reply that is). Save his messages now and yes take them to the police if they are threatening and abusive.

Carry on with the CSA, he has to cough up or else (a friends ex has just been committed to prison by the CSA for his non refusal to pay over several years), of course this is just another form of control. And change your solicitor to one with more bite a good solicitor can keep an ar5ehole in check just as good as the police can.

You don't need to justify yourself to us or him at all, he should be paying for his son, simple as!

Good luck.

masonsmum

Dont get me wrong it took me a long while to get money off him once I bought him out the maritial home and it was only through contacting the CSA before that made him eventually cough up, he said the CSA wanted to know "what colour of pants I wear"
So I agreed to accept £100 a calendar month from him on the understanding that our son would benefit from that, but he is constantly going on holidays with his friends, never even offers to take our son, our son started Primary School last year and it cost me a small fortune kitting him out and his dad never even bought him a pencil so I know he makes a good wage, works in one of the very few thriving industries and basically I am fed up struggling instead of just standing up to him!

daska

You might be able to obtain a details of the texts by contacting your phone company. Worth a call. But don't whatever you do admit to anyone else being allowed to use the phone or they won't give you anything.

And what have you got to lose by going to the CSA? Make yourself a promise now that you will ignore all texts that are abusive and just note them down - then sit back and feel smug knowing that he will be getting increasingly incensed that he hasn't got a reaction. You could even change your number so he has to use e-mail instead. Orange changed my number within 2 hours when DSD's mum was harassing her dad (the contract was in my name).

To some extent your solicitor is correct - he isn't going to change. However that isn't helpful!

Savvy_Sue

Get a new phone or SIM, and switch that number off except for once a day / when ex has the child.

Bluemeanie_2

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

Get a new phone or SIM, and switch that number off except for once a day / when ex has the child.

That's a good idea. That's what Hubby had to do with his ex until she finally got the message. He has an old rubbish phone and PAYG sim, which he leaves at work and checks once a week. When she could contact him on proper number it was constantly ruining things, waiting for the barrage of abuse and argument causing.

Hope you get him sorted. If you formalise the arrangements then they will give you justification for never having any contact with him.

barbiedoll

Yes, agree with posters who said to ignore the emails/texts (how silly of him to put it all in writing! ) and to get another cheapy phone which you can ignore/turn off, exactly when it suits you. Do keep all of the abusive stuff though, it shows the police and your solicitor exactly what sort of person they are dealing with.

And good luck with the CSA. If they do want to know "the colour of his underpants", it's probably because he spends so much money on them!

fannyadams

I am more than a little concenrned that if he is like that with you (threatening texts etc) what sort of example/treatment is he giving your son....

Sorry if I'm making waves but I'm just thinking of your boy.
--
Also
If you HAVE to call him from another number, dial 141 infront of the number before you call e.g. 14101234567890 - it comes up as unavailable and therefore shouldn't be traced back.

GOOD LUCK
FA
xx

masonsmum

Personally if it was up to me I would stop all contact but I need to be diplomatic for my sons sake, all I ever asked for in regards to access was some notice and he thought it was ok to just turn up at the door and take our son depending on his social life and his new girlfriends access arrangements with her ex??? It has now got to the stage where he thinks that it is ok to make access arrangements through a 5 year old, my son comes home from his dads and says "oh me and my dad are doing this on Sat" or "my dad says he is taking me here on friday" and I dont know anything about it. When I complained he says my son is switched on enough for him to make arrangements through him??

sassyblue

masonsmum wrote: »

When I complained he says my son is switched on enough for him to make arrangements through him??

No he's not :rotfl: It's all a form of controlling you, YOU don't want to do that so don't. Who do you go to to sort out proper contact? would that be your solicitor too?

It's worth getting the contact and CSA payments set down in stone as it were, leave him no room for manoevere (sp?) and get yourself that extra phone.

Aah these controlling men would tell you black is white so they get their own way, don't fall for it OP. :A