Advice on controlling ex please!

masonsmum

Hi everyone

I posted in the child support page earlier in the week regarding problems I am having with my ex. We seperated 2.5 years ago due to his controlling and violent ways and also money issues, I am all for saving a bit of cash but he was obsessive as to the point that our son couldnt have a night light as it used up to much electricity and loads of other things I could go on all day about.

But anyway after much deliberation I contacted the CSA on Monday as my ex partner gives me £100 per calendar month and after looking online at the calculator he should be giving me approx £56 a week, I am fed up trying to make ends meet and he swans all over the world 3/4 times a year, lives with his parents and when he has access to our son they only ever go shopping for "clothes for my dad" (words of a 5 year old)

So I am now waiting on the threatening text messages and phone calls to start, I am trying to move on with my life and I do not want to spend my time arguing with him, he constanly tries to make me feel guilty by saying I am "ruining" our sons life because if I go to the CSA he will not have money to buy our son for birthdays or xmas.

We also have a legal agreement in place regarding access to our son which is every Wed night for 2 hours and every second weekend he has an overnight stay of either Friday or saturday night whichever is agreeable between both parties, however if my ex cant get his own way all the time I am once again subjected to a torrent of abuse. On sat I received 20+ txt messages from him stating how nasty a cow and b++ch I was!

Could I contact the police regarding this or will they just think Im a time waster?
Thanks in advance for any help and advice!

floss2

Have you kept all the text messages? If so, then contact your Police Station to discuss it with them - you may need to take your phone and any emails he has sent you down for them to see.

Also, it may be worth contacting your solicitor just as a heads-up in case he decides to breach the access arrangements you have.

masonsmum

I have contacted my solicitor, she says I just need to realise that my ex is never going to change?? He will always want some control of my life.

I bought him out of the maritial home and I work hard and I am a good parent however I refuse to let him abuse and try to control me when he likes, he thinks that he can just txt me and I have to drop everything and let him have his son whenever it suits his social life even if I already have plans. If I say it doesnt suit I am bombarded for days and this time has been the final straw

Mojisola

floss2 wrote: »

Have you kept all the text messages? If so, then contact your Police Station to discuss it with them - you may need to take your phone and any emails he has sent you down for them to see.

Also, it may be worth contacting your solicitor just as a heads-up in case he decides to breach the access arrangements you have.

masonsmum wrote: »

I have contacted my solicitor, she says I just need to realise that my ex is never going to change?? He will always want some control of my life.

I bought him out of the maritial home and I work hard and I am a good parent however I refuse to let him abuse and try to control me when he likes, he thinks that he can just txt me and I have to drop everything and let him have his son whenever it suits his social life even if I already have plans.

I second floss's advice.

I would also change the solicitor. Of course your ex isn't going to change but that doesn't mean you have to put up with his abuse.

masonsmum

I stupidly deleted the text messages from my phone however will save them in future and visit the local police station for some advice. I did used to answer back but I am now taking the stance of ignoring him and hopefully he will realise he cannot get to me anymore!

RAS

Save all the evidence you can. If appropriate, tape calls as well.

When you have a load of abuse to share, go to the police.

Mojisola

masonsmum wrote: »

I stupidly deleted the text messages from my phone however will save them in future and visit the local police station for some advice. I did used to answer back but I am now taking the stance of ignoring him and hopefully he will realise he cannot get to me anymore!

Never reply to abusive or rude texts.

Keep the moral high ground. Only write clear, polite, simple texts or emails when you have to contact him about the children. Keep all emotion out of your communications.

pimento

A control freak can't stand being ignored. It will be driving him mad if you don't reply.

masonsmum

Thanks for the advice, mojisola I actually sent him an email on Monday just stating I had not been happy with the turn of events over the weekend and in future to save any confusion not to ask for our son outwith his access arrangements as I did not have to be subjected to his threats. I advised him he did not have to reply but in future if he could just send a txt on a Monday to advise whether he would be getting our son Fri or Sat at the weekend would suffice and that was the only contact we needed to have in future, and I received a further 3 emails which I just ignored!
So just bracing myself for the phone calls/txts/emails I will receive when the CSA get him

RAS

Try to reduce the justification; that make you look defensive.

Have you told him yet that you have spoken to the CSA?

Do they have a verifiable address for him?

Missli

I feel for you masonsmum, as know where you are coming from. I hope you get this sorted out. I wish I had the guts to formalise stuff with mine as would make things so much easier.