Friends Birthday

londonsurrey

passatrider wrote: »

I've sent another message apologising that my reply was a bit confusing. I misinterpreted what was said if I'm honest.

I've picked all my toys up now!

Good for you. It speaks of a genuine desire to keep the friendship.

Person_one

londonsurrey wrote: »

Good for you. It speaks of a genuine desire to keep the friendship.

So would picking a restaurant all your friends can afford.

londonsurrey

Person_one wrote: »

So would picking a restaurant all your friends can afford.

Lol. For that particular action, PassatRider was the bigger person.

I wondered about the actions of the birthday boy, but mayhap after years of compromise, he decided that for his birthday, he would do what he really fancied.

The fact that he bothered to think about affordable variations for Passat and maybe other less affluent friends does exonerate the birthday boy of being a totally thoughtless so-and-so.

Person_one

londonsurrey wrote: »

Lol. For that particular action, PassatRider was the bigger person.

I wondered about the actions of the birthday boy, but mayhap after years of compromise, he decided that for his birthday, he would do what he really fancied.

The fact that he bothered to think about affordable variations for Passat and maybe other less affluent friends does exonerate the birthday boy of being a totally thoughtless so-and-so.

What can I say, I'd rather have my friends there even if it meant going to the chippy! You can have a fancy meal on your own anytime. Its a wee bit selfish to expect people to spend a lot of money for your birthday anyway.

londonsurrey

Person_one wrote: »

What can I say, I'd rather have my friends there even if it meant going to the chippy! You can have a fancy meal on your own anytime. Its a wee bit selfish to expect people to spend a lot of money for your birthday anyway.

I'm with you on that one, but I'm just aware that it takes all kinds. For instance, what if his parents had decided to treat their firstborn to a birthday meal at the upmarket venue, and they're amenable to his friends coming along, but can't quite stretch to paying for all his friends too?

I had a friend who had just bought a little place in Italy. She decided to celebrate her 50th birthday there. The flight, rental of a car (the house was in a mountainous village), etc, was too rich for my blood for just a short visit, but it was totally her right to choose where to celebrate, and most of her friends and family could afford it!

Person_one

londonsurrey wrote: »

I'm with you on that one, but I'm just aware that it takes all kinds. For instance, what if his parents had decided to treat their firstborn to a birthday meal at the upmarket venue, and they're amenable to his friends coming along, but can't quite stretch to paying for all his friends too?

I'd just go with my parents and do something else with my friends.

Its just not a real invitation if you know the person can't go.

balletshoes

passatrider wrote: »

I won't be attending either. I got narked because we have done birthday meals over the years and never had a problem before. It's as if he's now saying like it or lump it.

wow - on the face of it, your friend has chosen a venue he wants to have his birthday at. He has let you know in advance, with the menu attached, understands that it might be expensive for some of his friends and is fine with anyone who doesn't want to pay so much money to eat there, to come for drinks. He sounds like he's thought this through - and you're narked? Its not your birthday, go and have drinks with him and celebrate with him. That way its not costing you money you don't want to spend on the food, and theres no need for any hard feelings because you'll still see him for his birthday drinks.

Or is there something more complicated to this that I'm not seeing?

eta, have seen that you have sorted it all out now OP, glad theres no confusion now.

londonsurrey

Person_one wrote: »

I'd just go with my parents and do something else with my friends.

Its just not a real invitation if you know the person can't go.

I agree that it's not everything one would desire in an invitation, but the choice is being left to the friend, akin to wedding invitations, where people do feel snubbed at not being invited, even if it turns out that they can't attend.

The birthday boy is not dating Passat, whereby Passat's needs are paramount. Because of whatever priorities have taken precedence, the venue has been decided, and the birthday boy hasn't taken the coward's way out of simply not inviting Passat.

passatrider

balletshoes wrote: »

wow - on the face of it, your friend has chosen a venue he wants to have his birthday at. He has let you know in advance, with the menu attached, understands that it might be expensive for some of his friends and is fine with anyone who doesn't want to pay so much money to eat there, to come for drinks. He sounds like he's thought this through - and you're narked? Its not your birthday, go and have drinks with him and celebrate with him. That way its not costing you money you don't want to spend on the food, and theres no need for any hard feelings because you'll still see him for his birthday drinks.

Or is there something more complicated to this that I'm not seeing?

eta, have seen that you have sorted it all out now OP, glad theres no confusion now.

I was a bit narked because I got the impression I was being priced out. I asked him if he had any plans for his birthday to which he replied that he was planning a meal - so it was me who instigated the invite not him.
We've been friends for over 15 years and this has never been an issue before.:)

HTH

SandC

Passatrider, for what it's worth I knew exactly what you meant from your first post.

For a birthday for a special friend you really want to enjoy a meal and drinks with them, not have to choose either/or because they've gone for an expensive restaurant.

Hope he gets where you are coming from now - I would probably be a bit like that too as I don't get to eat out very often so it's a big deal to me to go for a meal.