Trust issues

FatVonD

I can understand your male pride wants to thump him but you seem to be wanting to fool yourself that your wife was a helpless victim, he didn't exactly drag her off to his cave by her hair, she was a willing participant!

That said, I think her behaviour since (being happy to let you check up on her) seems like she is genuinely sorry but whether I would be able to trust again would depend a lot on how the fling came to light. Did you find out or did she come to you saying 'I've made a terrible mistake' ?

sassyblue

OP, l do believe people can make mistakes and never repeat them, l wish you all the luck in the world if you're both trying to repair your relationship.

If she does it again then... well, there's your answer.

londonsurrey please forget the name calling, it's upto him if he wants to call her everything under the sun.

londonsurrey

sassyblue wrote: »

londonsurrey please forget the name calling, it's upto him if he wants to call her everything under the sun.

I've been very careful to describe her accurately. Name calling would involve derogatory colloquialisms.

sassyblue

londonsurrey wrote: »

I've been very careful to describe her accurately. Name calling would involve derogatory colloquialisms.

I'll have to hand it to you, that did make me :rotfl:

conger007

Something very similar is happening to me only we have 24 years and 3 children. I have never been lower than this year but am now feeling a lot stronger and more able to sort things out. Our marriage relied on trust and respect for each other which has now been shattered. I know that I will never be able to trust my wife again and could never be in a marriage without trust.
Revenge is not the answer, I have thought it through and decided for now I would just keep quiet. my wife and I are trying to be good friends because we do like each other.
Above all remember your the one with self respect and make sure whatever your choice is make sure it is what you want, it is your life and you deserve to be happy.

Taadaa

Dear me a guy comes on here asking for advice on building trust and some of you see fit to call his wife a slag and lower than scum. Get a grip. He wants to make it wok and it's not your place to tell him otherwise.

Back to your original post. What struck me was your sentence 'l decided l wanted take it work...' (or similar). I couldn't help thinking that should have been a 'we'. I can understamd that you feel you has the upper hand there, but it takes commitment from both of you. Have you asked her if she really wants to be married to you still?

I know this is a rough thing to think about. The reason you need to be sure is this..you were quite young to be married. For her to !!!! up so badly just three years in suggests to me that there is a strong possibility she will do it again. I've seen a similar thing at work myself, with the guy being a serial flirt and cheat. Exactly the same - married at 25, just past the three year mark. Of course, it might be entirely different.

But yoi need to know now that she is 100% committed to you and your relationship. Do you have plans - move house, gp on holiday or whatever? If she wants to make plans, great sign.

Ultimately, if you want this to work you cannot hold her to ransom. Address the issues tou both had in the time leading up to the incident. Then agree to wipe the slate lean and start again, or end it. It will never work if you don't move on from this, and there is no point in being in limbo for either of you.

Taadaa

Oh and l would think it's perfectly natural to want to smack the guy. He knew she was married and didn't give a jot. It doesn't mean he is absolving her of responsibility.

Manta

Thanks for the advice people some has been helpful.

We have only been married for 3 years but we have been a couple for 8 years.

We have got plans for the future and we are going on holiday soon which will be nice to get away from town.

I do really feel that she is really sorry. She has given up a load of stuff which I asked her to do without any argument. She is being very attentive and loving.

I am working on our marriage and doing things to show her that I love her. She is doing things to show that she loves me.

It seems to be that she loves me more than ever now. I think we might need a few more sessions at relate.

But I will just add that the woman we have seen at relate has been brilliant.

If you need relationship help check them out

Tuesday_Tenor

>>> I am working on our marriage and doing things to show her that I love her.
GOOD
>>> She is doing things to show that she loves me.
GOOD
>>> It seems to be that she loves me more than ever now.
GOOD. And so she should. It seems she does value your forgiveness and how well you are dealing with this.
>>> I think we might need a few more sessions at relate.
YES

The two of you are doing all the right things to rebuild your relationship.
I think the trust will return, given time. It won't happen instantly; you have been very hurt.
A mature love can carry you through.

I wish you both all the best for the future.

Taadaa

Manta wrote: »

Thanks for the advice people some has been helpful.

We have only been married for 3 years but we have been a couple for 8 years.

We have got plans for the future and we are going on holiday soon which will be nice to get away from town.

I do really feel that she is really sorry. She has given up a load of stuff which I asked her to do without any argument. She is being very attentive and loving.

I am working on our marriage and doing things to show her that I love her. She is doing things to show that she loves me.

It seems to be that she loves me more than ever now. I think we might need a few more sessions at relate.

But I will just add that the woman we have seen at relate has been brilliant.

If you need relationship help check them out

This all sounds like very positive stuff, Manta. If she didn't want to be with you then she wouldn't be bothering to show that she still cares.