13 year old daughter misbehaving and no support from her father

duchy

She's thirteen

Shut the door on her room so only she has to tolerate it-if cups and plates are a problem then if you "run out" there's no meal til she brings them into the kitchen and washes them up-washing -in the laundry basket-or not done. With the washing and teeth -boys and her own girlfriends will sort that-peer pressure has its up-side too.
So long as she has friends and is "normal" with them I'd ease back on the nagging -keep the new house rules and things will improve -usually the less you react the faster the improvement

As for her father-he seems to be pretty hands off so far so expecting him to change after 12 years is probably a bit over optimistic.

elisebutt65

Why no financial support? Haven't you asked the CSA for maintenance?

MissMotivation

elisebutt65 wrote: »

Why no financial support? Haven't you asked the CSA for maintenance?

I gave up with the csa years ago as even when he was employed they couldnt get their act together to trace him. Now that he is self-employed (lol) Ive no chance of getting any money. Its too stressful trying to sort it with working long hours and dealing with everything by myself

nickj_2

my eldest daughter was a hormonal tornado from the age of 12 to 14, plenty of door slamming and arguments etc all the usual stuff .
however she changed overnight when she got a part time job , she grew up over night , she now works 3-4 evenings a week and all day sunday at out local hotel and loves it . a bit of responsibility works wonders , so does having your own cash

Uniscots97

I had similar with SD when she was between 13-15 and SS now (and he's 21 !!!). With SD it was a battle of wills as I wasn't her mother (she went off with another bloke when the kids were barely out of nappies, OH was left to bring them up), she always had to be right. I ended up helping her get a part time job (which helped immensly with her behaviour) and getting a DVD she wanted to watch and putting it on, letting her come down and see what I was doing and she ended up chatting. As for the untidy room, I'm having that battle with SS at the moment. OH and I think that he should gut the room (dirty tissues, food wrappers etc under his bed), he will hoover it (once we've nagged him into doing it) but only hoovers round things. We've also banned him from eating in his room.

What activities do you and your daughter do together? What about going swimming together? That way you know your daughter will be washing her hair after swimming to get rid of the chlorine. Also what about doing Avon together? Your daughter can get half the money as long as she does half the work, i.e. go round the doors with you, sort out orders etc. It might also help her take an interest in her appearance.

As for her father, don't give up with the CSA. He should be made to pay. Quite a few people I know were in the same situation as you and chased it, they did end up with lump sums being deposited into their bank accounts. As for him helping out with your daughter, I don't think this would work, you've been mother and father to her, and I doubt she would open up to him. By all means ask her (SD contacted her mother, they are now friends, which I find odd. Funny she never contacted SS at all so I can't see it last tbh. She dumped 4 children in total we found out so I doubt there's a maternal bone in her body), for your daughter has to decide what she wants and if she wants contact with her Dad but she sees for herself that he lets her down then she'll see its not you thats keeping her from her Dad.

MissMotivation

sorry to bump this but things have gone from bad to worse! She has not come out of her room all day and has not eaten since Wednesday night. Ive tried talking to her and whilst she acknowledges that its not on she is still in there!

Ps her room stinks and she just doesnt seem to notice!

Edwardia

She sounds deeply unhappy to me and the not cleaning teeth and not eating things could be low self esteem. Could she have been bullied at school and that's why she doesn't want to go ?

elisebutt65

MissMotivation wrote: »

sorry to bump this but things have gone from bad to worse! She has not come out of her room all day and has not eaten since Wednesday night. Ive tried talking to her and whilst she acknowledges that its not on she is still in there!

Ps her room stinks and she just doesnt seem to notice!

Has she not been to school? Sounds seriously worrying and I would be getting mental health professionals involved.

nickj_2

have you contacted the school , they should have someone who can help you

olibrofiz

MissMotivation wrote: »

sorry to bump this but things have gone from bad to worse! She has not come out of her room all day and has not eaten since Wednesday night. Ive tried talking to her and whilst she acknowledges that its not on she is still in there!

Ps her room stinks and she just doesnt seem to notice!

Firstly, big hugs to you. My DD is now 17 and has driven me mad with stuff. At 15 she wasn't worried about washing, brushing her teeth etc, etc. She would happily have a bath and do her hair and make up then put on clothes that had been worn umpteen times. As soon as she came in from school she'd be up to her room (darn facebook!!). And her room smelt funny.

I made sure she ate by making dinner and putting it on the table, and insisting that she came down for it. Ignored the eye rolling, huffing and puffing, whinging etc, and I just chatted away during the meal, without expecting a response.

Sometimes, just sometimes, I would get a glimpse into her world and her worries.

It does end, mine actually asked me the other day if I wanted her to strip her bed :eek::eek: