When I asked for luck I didn't mean the bad variety!!!

Lifeforms

I am very lucky in how I was affected, whilst now is my life, and will always be my life, I'm painfully aware of how it was before for me, and how it has impacted on other people, and we're talking little impacts, not massive ones that more severe brain injuries can bring.

The general belief of those who don't experience it day to day is that it's hard for those with the brain injury, but in my mind it's far far more harder on those who haven't had it, but have to live with someone who has.

The person they knew and loved is not the same person as who they know and love now, and it's almost a way of loss really. Loss of what might have been with them, and what used to be. I know on my side being very aware of what I have lost, that it's a massive loss for me!! (even though in actual reality is a small loss/affect over what it could have been).

So I guess, somewhat it is about grieving, and I know I don't have to go into that with you, you've suffered alone, and as a family really quite badly with life and loss. From my point I can't say that I know how you feel regarding your OH, but for those who are less "injured" (don't really know how to explain what I mean by that) they are aware they have changed, and sometimes it's hard to know that their friends, partners, parents even, are very aware, and living with the changes as well. I'm kinda rambling, and perhaps this doesn't make sense, or help, but you need to consider it as a loss, but who's to say that if you had met your OH as he is now, back then, that you might have/have not got together. I'm sure you are aware statistics are not good for partnerships after a brain injury, and you really are doing amazing with dealing with life with someone with a severe one, as well as the loss of your children, and the day to day grind of life on top.

I am astounded daily how you cope with some of the things you have to cope with!
I think anyone has that what if thought. It's a natural thing to think of, even with standard couples who haven't had a brain injury, or any injury/illness. You shouldn't feel guilty. I have that what if thought about everything prior for me, not with a life partner, but with everyone else pretty much!



With DS1 make sure to remove the payment card attached to the xbox so it will never happen again. Future payments can be made with gift cards, which can be earnt, or given for birthday/xmas.

To prevent another potential future row during the summer when a lack of money really hits home, could you perhaps have a talk with him to make him very aware his spending fund is now quite low, BUT, you're trying to help him, so perhaps he has some old physical games he could sell to replace his missing money. (or other items, perhaps a toy clear out or something).

Depending on his age it might also help to bring him into the reality of what £35 equates to regarding working. As in I get paid X hours a day at X amount, therefore to replace that money I have to work for it.



Corny as it is, I do love to say "Just keep swimming!" eventually it works out, or I then forget about it :rotfl:

satchmo1

Hugs, Lucky, sorry you had such a low point. It wasn't self-indulgent at all, it was human.


Good suggestions and observations from Lifeforms.

I still grieve for the DH that I lost when he had his brain injury. No matter how I justify that I had to keep me and my DSs safe, I still feel guilty for ending the marriage. I'm very fortunate that my now DH appreciates that I refer to the good 19 years of marriage with love, and is supportive when I refer to the rest with regret. I'm also very fortunate that he and ex get on ok when family occasions throw them together. I know ex DH is also full of regret for his lost self/marriage.

please-let-me-be-lucky

Thank you Granny and Beanie for the hugs and kind words :A.

Great post Lifeforms and I can't thank you enough for that and for giving me a bit of perspective. I feel better today and can see that whilst things aren't perfect, they could be a lot worse, and we are both (DH & I) coping well with things from either side of the fence. If he hadn't had the accident we probably wouldn't still be together (because his priorities were all wrong before), so in a funny way the Severe Brain Injury made things better, but that doesn't make it easier to cope with on a daily basis. As Satchmo says, it was just a low point and perhaps a little to do with Aunt Flo being due in a few days. Thank you both for sharing your stories :A Xx

Re DS1, I had already taken all card payment details off, but left paypal on, not realising he knew the password. This has also now been removed. I have explained to him that £35 could have fed us all for a week, that I'd have to work 2 shifts at work to earn that much (well, £40) or I could have bought paint to decorate his room that he's desperate for. Asking him to sort some stuff to sell is a good idea though. Xx

Buffythedebtslayer

Lucky, I know am often saying this, but honest to God. You are so impressive.


We all have moments, I am having one today, Fathers' day... makes me wonder what if?


But have made plans with Mum for the house and garden, I have learnt so much from you. These feelings pass once you figure them out.


Big hugs XXX

Sun_Addict

Lifeforms post rang so true. Mr SA is different to how he used to be but I'm willing to put up with change if it means he's still here. Don't blame you for being angry about £35 DS spent on Xbox!! My DD once ran up huge phone bill on psychic love lines when she was a teen. Could've killed her! Well done on weight loss yet again (you are so good) and well done on coping with everything that's thrown at you xx

beanielou

SA is spot on as usual

Brightspark87

Oh Lucky we all have these down moments. Its really tough sometimes life isnt it? OBEM is tough, so sorry you watched that one. Sending bug hug x

Plus £35 games downloaded?!? goodness me no wonder they make a fortune. He is cheeky knowing everything like that... I hope it hasnt changed your budget too much. x

please-let-me-be-lucky

Thanks for stopping by everyone! Buffy I love the idea that you have learnt something from me . I feel 'geet clever as oot' :rotfl:. Sorry Father's Day was tough for you, I hope you got through the day ok.
SA, you more than anyone can understand Lifeforms post, and well done you too for all you cope with also. Psychic love lines :eek:.
Thank you for the hug Sparky. My budget will stay the same because DS1 has to fork out the £35 not me, the problem will be over the summer when he is begging me to buy him stuff as he won't have any money of his own :mad:.

Today has been busy. Went to the gym first thing after school drop off. Sneaky weigh in on the gym scales said I'd gained 6lbs :eek:. Knew I'd eaten a bit too much birthday cake but that's ridiculous!!! Have been back on the diet 100% today and threw myself into my workout in the hope I can minimise that by tomorrow's official weigh in! I'll be gutted if I really have put that on!

This afternoon DS2 and I were at a playdate at the home of another boy from nursery. I didn't know the Mum that well and it was lovely getting to know her. They only live a few streets away and MIL flew off on holiday this morning, so I left DH on his own at home while we went. He was ok :T.

Beavers tonight was great fun out in the sunshine.

Shattered now Xx

millionaire_in_training

Get some speed soup down your throat. That'll sort things out

Brightspark87

Congrats on DH being left by himself. I am sure this was a truly hard thing to do and I am glad it all went well x