Communicating decisions about end of life

Eliza_2

My mother is a very hale and hearty 85 yr old but one of the voluntary jobs she does is visiting lonely elderly people (yes I know, a long standing family joke that many are quite a bit younger than she is!!) She takes them out in her car for shopping or other trips or just to a cafe for a break - all organised through the church. She also helps at the local playgroup, adult literacy mentoring and a million and one other things! She also has a gentleman friend (can you say boyfriend at this age?!!!) who clearly adores her.

All irrelevant - but I am very proud of her. However having seen my father die after several years with Alzheimer's, and now one of her ladies has gone into a nursing home, she wants to be clear about her end of life wishes. The lady in the home is over 92, weak and has had several illnesses. Each time she says she's tired and wants to go, but each time the nursing home proudly pulls her round. She now sits in her chair exhausted with no interest in life and keeps asking to be let go. As a result of seeing this, my mother wants to be sure that she is not resuscitated and medicated like this, and is allowed to go naturally. She's made it very clear to me as her oldest child but I don't know how to advise her to ensure her wishes are carried out. Should she put it in writing? would it make any difference anyway as I'm sure the nursing home has a duty to keep her alive if she had to go in one? She is a strict but practical churchgoer and feels sure God wouldn't mind! However my sister is in a strict church and wouldn't allow my mothers wishes to be carried out in this way anyway as she would worry she wouldn't get into heaven or something!!!

Sorry to ramble, but if you can make any sense of this, is there anything my mother can do to ensure the end of her life isn't prolonged unnecessarily by well meaning medical people? Thanks

alanq

A living will perhaps?

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Governmentcitizensandrights/Death/Preparation/DG_10029429

zygurat789

Yes but this is money saving how?

carefullycautious

When my father was ill I requested that he did not wish to be resuciated or have anti biotics/medication to prolong life. There are forms now called DNAR (do not attempt resucitation) which get filled in.

You mother can sort all this out now if she so wishes with her doctors surgery. It needs to be put into writing.

Dad passed peacefully away of old age just how he wanted it.

carefullycautious

zygurat789 wrote: »

Yes but this is money saving how?

Well it certainly saves nursing home fees :rotfl:sorry couldnt resist

Eliza_2

zygurat789 wrote: »

Yes but this is money saving how?

My apologies, but in my years of using this site I have become accustomed to people using it as an excellent source of help for all topics of concern - not just those directly related to money saving - and have given and received advice and information accordingly. I have now been given more appropriate sources now so apologies for taking liberties with your time and now withdraw my enquiry, thank you for your very helpful responses, I will follow them up with my mother.

End of - as they say!!! :silenced:

Torry_Quine

She has every right not to have any treatment and while still able can refuse so she should speak to her GP. I would say though it could be a good idea for you to have medical power of attorney for her so that if she couldn't communicate herself you can tell her wishes to anyone relevant.

As to her sister, God will not be stopping her from doing what is right for her.

Mrs_Arcanum

If she has to get rushed into hospital & becomes unconscious or unable to communicate her wishes NOK will usually be asked about treatment. So the important people to tell are the nearest & dearest.

This happened to my mother & as we as a family have always known she never wanted keeping alive artificially this was born in mind when the doctors gave options for treatment.

Savvy_Sue

I'd have thought that a Health and Welfare Lasting Power of Attorney would be useful (and the other one for her financial affairs!)

She could make you her attorney for H&W, with someone else who'll agree to do what SHE wants, which should remove decisions from your sister.

Mojisola

There was a lady in the news recently who had "Do not resuscitate" tattooed on her chest.

andyrules

I'm not sure how far a nursing home can interfere medically. How exactly do the staff at the home 'pull her round', do they have defibrillators?

When my elderly mother had a stroke we were TOLD by doctors that she would not be resuscitated should her heart fail. However, she was treated with antibiotics for pneumonia. Conversely, she was not fed artificially and as she could not swallow at that point was slowly starving until we asked why. My experience and observations are that the elderly are generally cared for but not offered the same interventions as younger people, thereby promoting 'natural deaths' from various conditions.

I can see your point but short of not being resuscitated or kept alive by a ventilator I'm not sure what you could do. There is the Liverpool Care Path - allegedly for use with people who are dying.