Question

maypole

Such a shame that some parents can never see it from the childs view, they think the child does it on purpose when in fact they are only being children, and a "tidy" house is not always possible with children, so they lose their temper.

I would keep an eye on the situation

Jinx

I wouldnt speak to the neighbour first if you intend to notify the authorities; surely that is just highlighting you are the one doing the reporting? I'd let the experts do their bit...

Four_leaf_clover_2

I would consider the kind of behaviour you describe OP as abuse. If someone were to scream, swear and shout at me I know I would feel abused. It must be terrifying for a child to experience an adult so out of control.

It sent a shiver down my spine when you said how different the parents were towards you face to face, compared to behind closed doors. I also found it rather disturbing that some of the neighbours found this funny. Society seems to be going more and more down the pan.

nickyhutch

Yes, it's abuse. Report it to Social Care (anonymously if you'd prefer) so that it's at least on record. You never know, other people might have reported concerns too, so your report might make a difference.

Becles

Yes I would class it as abuse.

Not shouting occasionally as I think most parents do that. Definitely swearing, screaming and lots of shouting is damaging to children.

Could you befriend the lady and see if you could try and help. Just say comments in passing like "you've got your hands full there, I don't know how you cope" might be enough to get her to confide in you and you can offer support or help her find support.

Lexxx

Becles wrote: »

Yes I would class it as abuse.

Not shouting occasionally as I think most parents do that. Definitely swearing, screaming and lots of shouting is damaging to children.

Could you befriend the lady and see if you could try and help. Just say comments in passing like "you've got your hands full there, I don't know how you cope" might be enough to get her to confide in you and you can offer support or help her find support.

I am still recovering from raising my own:) i dont really want to get involved in other people children.
I am friendly enough with all my neighbours, but dont get involved in their lives and they are not involved in mine.

I have had a conversation with her about not making it easy on herself having so many kids and told her she needs to find a hobby:D but i haven't seen spoken to her in the last few months & I have to admit i have somewhat tried to avoid her, I guess all the screaming and shouting, doesn't sit right with me & i know i have to do something about it.

When she first moved in, there was family around alot, fixing,mending and helping out, I dont see them around now.
She seems to be away a few odd days & night, lot more now, which gives me a bit of peace & quiet.

BugglyB

bigmomma051204 wrote: »

thehappybutterfly wrote: »

Get Here Now..... in Bianca from Eastenders styleeeee lol i reckon?!

Thats the one :rotfl: do you live on my street?

lexx, you can report it if you like but know that it won't make much difference, unless the parents themselves want to change, your agency in this situation is limited. Continue to be an interested neighbour and try and remain on good terms with the mum.

jog

Hi lexx,

Do you have a children's centre near you? If so you could ring and speak to them, maybe the manager, give them the details, they may be able to make contact with the mum and help her. I know our local childrens centers get calls like this and they run out reach programs as well as stuff at the centre.

Might be an alternative source of help for the mum

Tygermoth

About 6 years ago now I reported a neighbour where i lived as he, a hulking great man, thought it fine to scream at the littlest of their children and call her 'little c*nt'

In fact thats all he called her, as if it was her name. She was tiny and used to toddle about with soiled nappy for what seemed ages.

His rages were epic and a as full grown woman used to shiver at the tone and words used on his children. I witnessed him scream and rant in the faces of the children full of rage and venom.

SS came back to me after my reporting my conserns and advised they felt it was just the household norm and the children were used to it. Combined with them hitting all the growth and learning targets for their ages, they interviewed the children and stated they were very well adjusted. That was the end of that.

They also advised as there was no physical violence the man was 'all bark, no bite'

jetplane

Lexxx
I think it is probably classed as emotional abuse especially if it is regular, constant and from both parents. I find it very distressing when I hear children being yelled at like this but when I look around I sometimes think I am the only one noticing. I think shouting and swearing is a way of life for some people (as BugglyB says you just have to watch Eastenders) and parenting skills are sadly lacking in many.

I don't think social services will have the time to respond unless they are already registered, there have been previous incidents, other referrals or child protection issues.

If the police are called they will send a report to social services however as you say she has a nice house so social services will probably say; house and children clean & tidy, food in the cupboards and send a letter out offering the family help if they want it in the future.

I don't know where you live but what about Sure Start? With 3 children under 5 they can do home play, activities, support groups, parentcraft etc and often they keep a closer eye than social services and co-ordinate family meetings. Sure start can refer to GPs, Health Visitors, Social Services and gather the evidence to back up their referral.

If you really are concerned you could ring them and it may be less contentious than getting social services or the police involved and frankly it may be more productive.