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Free Food

edited 25 April 2016 at 10:57AM in Shop but don't drop
75 replies 35.3K views
123457

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  • COSCOS Forumite
    549 posts
    Part of the Furniture Photogenic Combo Breaker
    ✭✭
    Some years ago when spending my days working in a Hotel I would patiently wait for the guest to leave the room not for the tip but to tuck into the leftover Pastries and jams from the continental tray, imagine the shock when the guest returned with his Newspaper :-[
    Rememember. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
    Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
    If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance. And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know
    when, You might need them to empty your bedpan.
  • Anne_Marie_2Anne_Marie_2 Forumite
    2.1K posts
    ✭✭✭✭
    Well done to Tim, hilarious thread, cannot believe I missed this one at all. ::)
    To all who may be concerned about weight gain, can I reassure by posting some dietary advice which I received earlier this week which goes as follows:-

    Q1: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
    A1: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

    Q2: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
    A2: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

    Q3: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
    A3: Not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of vegetables. Bottoms up!

    Q4: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
    A4: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

    Q5: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
    A5: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good

    Q6: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
    A6: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

    Q7: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
    A7: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

    Q8: Is chocolate bad for me?
    A8: Are you crazy? HELLO . Cocoa beans ... another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

    Q9: Is swimming good for your figure?
    A9: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

    Q10: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
    A10: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

    Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

    My thanks to the anon author of the above for setting me straight! ;D
  • When I was younger (and poorer) I had a second job in the evenings waitressing. From day one all the staff and managers picked food off the plates before they were took out to the customers. I was shocked at first untill I was told that as the waitress it was my responsability to make sure the food was at company regulations. e.g. 24 chips only on the plate, 2oz veg, only 7 prawns or Mushrooms . So if the chiefs had put too much it was my responsability to remove them......and due to health and safety bins were not allowed near the hot plate!

    So each evening I got paid to eat! ;D
  • mambomambo Forumite
    12 posts
    It must be something about engineers. I discovered the cheesy-wotsit-packaging food a few years ago, and was highly delighted not only that they were edible, but also that I managed to get someone else to try them. Not only did he eat one, but agreed they were edible and I can still remember the look of wonder on his face when he realised it. We did convince several other people that they were edible, but I don't think they really cared - they were grown-ups, who probably never liked cheesy wotsits anyway. They just thought we were weird.

    Come to think of it, they never got that excited about the free food trolleys.
    A shadowy flight into the dangerous world of a man who does not exist.

    A young loner on a crusade to champion the cause of the innocent,
    the helpless, the powerless, in a world of criminals who operate above the law.
  • mambomambo Forumite
    12 posts
    Earlier this week, I actually used free food to get free food, a tip I thought might be worth sharing.

    In the name of being sociable and public-spirited, I went along on the evening meal of a conference - held in a very nice bar in town. It was, of course, being paid for as any members of the team who went along were making the visitors feel welcome, even though I admit I had nothing to do with the meeting.

    Whilst there, I was part of a conversation in which it was decided that a group photograph of the meeting the next day would be a good idea. Of course, there was no camera, and as if by magic, someone asked me if we had one in our office, so of course I felt obliged to offer to bring one down to the hotel. A few more glasses of that (free) wine, and no-one would be looking their best in the morning, so I kindly suggested bringing it down later on (thus ensuring a lie-in for me). Obviously, it would not do to interrupt the meeting, so how about I bring it down at lunchtime? Yes! What a wonderful idea! And how kind!

    It was perfect, I hardly had to do a thing. Of course, since I was walking down, I kindly offered to bring back some lunch to a colleague, so that I could honestly say I was collecting them for someone else when I hoovered up the remaining mini-thingies.
    A shadowy flight into the dangerous world of a man who does not exist.

    A young loner on a crusade to champion the cause of the innocent,
    the helpless, the powerless, in a world of criminals who operate above the law.
  • Important update! We have recently reviewed and updated our Forum Rules and FAQs. Please take the time to familiarise yourself with the latest version.
  • Tim_LTim_L Forumite
    3.8K posts
    1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
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    Things have moved on since those happy salad days when each day brought a more heavily loaded food trolley past my desk, and the air was heady with the aromatic fragrance of deep fried prawns in curry dip.

    Sometime around the summer, the canteen manager twigged that it was probably better for his bottom line if the denizens of the office were not fed to bursting point for free, but made to pay for their snacks. As a result, Rose (the canteen lady) was, I think, supplied with a rocket propelled trolley and a pair of racehorse blinkers. Even to stand in her path when the food was coming past was to risk annhiliation beneath a ton of curling cheese and leek sandwiches and half a dozen coffee carafes. And so for some time, the horn of plenty fell silent, and hollow cheeked engineers gathered in small groups around 2.30 to chew packaging materials and discuss their favourite finger foods. Some (I am ashamed to say) even sought a career in marketing to satisfy their craving.

    Happily, after weeks of observations of the customer suite, the 'resistance movement' as we came to call ourselves, came to formulate a plan. Volunteers strategically positioned near the customer suite use a complex system of telephone, e-mail and paging to spread the word that a meeting has finished, at which signal accomplices attempt to slow Rose's progress by hinting that they know of a large supply of missing cutlery hidden in the tunnel in the hardware department. It is then simply a matter of spiriting the food swiftly out of the meeting room and hiding it in our mouths and stomachs as quickly as possible.

    (This led to the celebrated teabag in the pocket incident, which even to this day I have been unable to explain to my wife to her complete satisfaction, but for the benefit of those reading this I can provide the handy hint that putting unused teabags in your top pocket and forgetting them on washday is not a moneysaving thing to do.)

    For newcomers, I would here like to blatantly plug the other two main stories about artichokes and camembert in the thread which probably no-one has plodded through, but which I still hope will be enough to get me a job as a food columnist in one of the glossier Sunday supplement.
  • Plumpud_3Plumpud_3 Forumite
    132 posts
    This thread has made me laugh so much. I hadn't seen it before, picked it up from the newsletter.

    For years I did silver service waitressing (process of serving meat and veg onto guest's plate using only a large fork and spoon, without dropping onto guest's lap or tipping off serving platter onto the floor) at various local upmarket hotels and venues.

    We weren't allowed to pick at the food, before or after service, but the Chefs used to turn a blind eye. One Christmas, we were serving at an evening Christmas do. We'd cleared the tables before the disco started. There was about 20 waiting staff tucking into the remains of the cheeseboards. I had just bitten into a cracker with cheese on top, when the Hotel Manager walked into the kitchen. Not wanting instant dismissal, I panicked, I put the rest of the cracker in my mouth and tried to swallow. I then started to choke, various people asked if I was OK and patted me gently on the back. Fortunately, someone spotted that I was choking to death and actually administered proper first aid. I thought I was going to die because of an illicit cracker and cheese. Moral of this story - if stealing any food, only pick up the amount of food you can easily fit in your mouth without choking.

    On a lighter note, I used to waitress at weddings. One I did, was in the middle of summer on a really lovely day. The Bride and Groom wanted it to be a bit 'posh' and chose Pimm's cocktail as the greeting drink. Lots of guests just headed for the bar, bypassing the Pimm's, so there were several jugs of it left over. The waiting staff tucked in. I'd never had Pimm's before, it is very refreshing, but doesn't taste alcoholic - it is very easy todrink too much IMHO. Several glasses later the waiting staff were half cut (there was usually a good 30 - 45 mins wait between guests arrival and the line up, whilst they had photos taken in the garden).

    The worst thing was phoning my Husband to come and pick me up as I'd drunk too much to drive.

    Free food and drink should come with a health warning. ;)
  • Thank you Tim - nothing like a good giggle on a Friday night!
  • howalshhowalsh Forumite
    396 posts
    What rhymes with kirk?
    My views are irrelevant - censorship is alive & well!
  • Good stuff Tim very witty. Now to make some money all you need to do is write a book; a homorous money saving tips book. ;D
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