Too late to have a baby???

NAR

Thanks for update and good luck with whatever happens!

Pee

I'm in my mid thirties and my boyfriend is in his early sixties.

We have been trying for a baby for a few years but have come to the conclusion that it isn't going to happen.

We have had some tests and technically there shouldn't be a problem, but in practise there seems to be. I am not prepared to go down the road of IVF because of the dangers involved. (I know other people choose to and I am fine with them doing that, but it's not a risk I am prepared to take.)

My boyfriend like you has grown up children and he was very involved with them as babies and little children and is fully aware of the work involved. I always only wanted to have one child, I can't imagine two or more, and he has always thought two would be better because a child needs brothers and sisters. This is a rubbish argument as I have a sister I get on brilliantly with who is a real asset in my life. He has siblings he doesn't talk to from one year to the next and a cousin and best friends going back to childhood who he is regular contact with.

He feels that he is too old and might die before a child grows up. This has certainly happened to much younger friends, but would also mean that plenty of young and reckless men should not be considering fatherhood.

I think I have decided that it is best for me not to have children. I probably am less maternal than average and I can think of as many pros as cons for having children. I have however seen women destroy everything in their path in a desparate need to have children and presumably my hormones could make me do this almost overnight, which is a sobering thought.

Of all the people I know really well with young children, I know three couples who are happy, I have just discovered one are very unhappy and on the brink, one is very unhappy but hopefully coming back from the brink, one who is very unhappy but stay together for the child and have a good partnership for bringing up a child and four who haven't made it together. One of those I have to say I would have been more surprised if they had, but the other three seemed happy and well suited... and have said that they were whilst it was just them but it is so hard with children. All three of those men told me (and the couple who are a good partnership but effectively aren't romantically together) their other halves just changed after giving birth and were only focused on the children.

I think you have a lot of thinking to do. It's a very hard decision and I am not sure there is ever a really right answer for most people.

pukkamum

A friend of mine has just had his second child with his second wife (he was a widower) he is mid fifties she is mid thirties.
He has 3 grown children from his previous marriage and his eldest daughter gave birth to his grandchild a week before his wife had their second!

He is enjoying fatherhood so much more the second time around, he has more patience, he is not so career driven anymore and he has learned valuble lessons from the first time around.

His elder children love the new additions to their family and it is wonderful to see them all together.

So i say if you both want to go for it, you only get one life!