I'm miserable :-( Neighbour came round & saw how chaotic my home is & I'm ashamed...

Mics_chick

It doesn't sound like a 'big' thing to get upset over but it is to me.

My neighbour and I are involved with a charitable group to help kids with special needs as we have at least 1 'special' kid each.
She came round to show me some crafty stuff she had bought today for an event we have planned next week for an Easter holiday activity.

She was politely pushy (iykwim?) so I couldn't put her off...
I took her into the kitchen and I pulled the door nearly closed to the lounge as it's the messiest room but she popped her head round the door to say hello to the kids who were watching tv. :eek:
I could see her eyes roaming around the kitchen looking at everything...

I'm ashamed and know I should be but it's still very difficult for me to deal with.

I'm on my own tonight coz my other half is staying with a disabled friend for a couple of days to redecorate for them before they have a special bed delivered next week.
This means I'm feeling it more coz I've got nobody to talk to, go 'there there' or put it into perspective...

Please be gentle... Gail

Sambucus_Nigra

Sorry - what's the problem? You have kids and a life. No-one lied on their death bed worrying about being a neater person. If you want to be tidier do it for you, not for someone else.



You messy mare.




Joke.

balletshoes

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

Sorry - what's the problem? You have kids and a life. No-one lied on their death bed worrying about being a neater person. If you want to be tidier do it for you, not for someone else.

absolutely - if it bothers you, tidy up - for you. Not for anyone else .

parsonswife8

We are slowly wading through our house...both of us have been married before and have at least two of everything.
We are gradually decluttering, with the main emphasis being on gradually, but we are both as happy as Larry.
Nobody has broken a limb from falling over anything and no-one has died from botulism,so........
Nothing is wrong in our world.:j:j:j:j

Mics_chick

It does bother me and I do try to tidy up but never have the staying power to completely sort it out so it just deteriorates very quickly again.

I suppose it bothers me coz the only person who comes around the house is my mum and she's used to it now so the fact that someone else has seen it has brought home exactly how we live and the thought of her telling the other peeps involved with the charity is making me cringe big time...

Sagaris

I feel for you - our place used to be like that, I just couldn't be bothered at the end of the day...then I joined the Flyladies on here. Now I'm still not the tidiest person about, but I find it useful to have a list and to see what I can get done before work in the morning/when we get home/any spare moment at all! It helps me to see what I can get done in the shortest amount of time - it might be helpful for you?

But at the end of the day, your house is for you - people should take you as they find you! My house usually has toy stuffing and dog hair everywhere - as long as my bathroom and kitchen are reasonable that's fine by me!

Actually, reading that back, my house still isn't as good as I'd like it - to be honest it's only tidy to stop dog no 2 destroying everything! And I'm sure your visitor isn't spreading tales of how 'terrible' your house is - none of my neighbours recoil in horror when they see me after a visit!

System

A few weeks ago i was having a mass throw out. Huge peices of furniture/junk was chucked up the side of my house ready to be taken to the local tip. The idea was, chuck the stuff outside on the Friday and get shot of the lot on the Saturday.... except that it didnt quite work out that way.

On the Saturday, the postman met the junk yard outside my house when he tried to deliver my mail. On the Saturday evening hubbys accountant came round. Then my son had a visitor.

I felt awful and i apologised profusely for the mess.

lizzyb1812

Your neighbour would have been looking round your kitchen/house whether it was tidy or not - just out of natural curiousity. You both have kids with special needs - she will know how hard that can make keeping up with tidying etc. She is involved with you with a charity group - she will know that takes time - time you can't be tidying. She will respect the fact that you have that charitable involvement - lots of parents in your situation wouldn't. Most people with - or without - children will have messy homes some of the time. All she has seen is someone dedicating her time to the important things in life rather than tidying - she may also be breathing a sigh of relief that your home is like hers. Your OH is away also doing more important stuff than tidying so can't help.

Don't beat yourself up about this. Don't try to make an excuse the next time you see her - it's not worth mentioning.

Tea and biscuits and a cuddle with your kids required I think.

little-lou-pink

I presume you think of this neighbour as a friend. If she is a friend she realy won't judge you.
Hold your head up high girl. You be proud of all the good things you do do and forget the judgemental looks. No one is perfect so no one can be judged. Im sure she has her faults she hides away.
Chin up smile and be proud for you have a life!

kittycat204

judge your own your life, not what you perceive a busy body neighbour thinks. Life isn't easy with kids, i'm sure you are a good mum and partner. try to keep smiling and be thankful for what you have in life. people who matter are people who love you no matter what. those who like or think of you different for trivial reasons aren't worth your thoughts.
bet it's better than my place anyway, would invite you around to make you feel better. lol.

archiesdad

Don't beat yourself up, I am sure she wasn't judging nobody is perfect. My house is never immaculate a lot of my friends have houses like show homes and sometimes it gets me down. However my children are happy are always fed and clothed, I would much rather take my kids to the park to have fun and enjoy the sunshine than be obsessing about how tidy the house is, your kids will remember fun things as they grow up not how tidy the house is!! I'm sure life is challenging enough with a 'special' child without worrying about how tidy the house is ((( )))).