Financial abuse of an elderly relative

pinksk8

I hope you get this sorted soon OP, its heartbreaking to hear this story as I used to be a carer, and we weren't even allowed to accept the smallest of gifts, which can sometimes feel like your being rude, but I would never be able to live with myself thinking that I had inadvertently taken advantage of someone.

Have you tried talking to the woman face to face and letting her know how you and your husband feel about her? You could report her to the local council, she may have her license revoked....

MeganG

pinksk8 wrote: »

I hope you get this sorted soon OP, its heartbreaking to hear this story as I used to be a carer, and we weren't even allowed to accept the smallest of gifts, which can sometimes feel like your being rude, but I would never be able to live with myself thinking that I had inadvertently taken advantage of someone.

Have you tried talking to the woman face to face and letting her know how you and your husband feel about her? You could report her to the local council, she may have her license revoked....

My husband has a career with a very strict professional code of conduct. He feels so angry about what this woman is doing that he thinks it would be safer for him not to speak face to face with her. Apart from anything else, she would immediately tell his father who would then cut off all contact. That would probably suit her, but it would mean he would be more isolated & it would leave him without anyone to look after his best interests. My brother-in-law has spoken to her before about this, but she is so brazen that she carried on exactly as before.

We are giving serious consideration to reporting her to the local licensing authority and/or Social Services.

whitewing

To be honest, I don't know why you haven't reported it already this week. I would be contacting police, social services and the council if I knew who this person is. I mean I would report even if I weren't related to any of them. It all sounds so wrong, even if no one can prove anything and your fil insists it is his choice it may still prevent her from doing it to someone else in the future.

MeganG

whitewing wrote: »

To be honest, I don't know why you haven't reported it already this week. I would be contacting police, social services and the council if I knew who this person is. I mean I would report even if I weren't related to any of them. It all sounds so wrong, even if no one can prove anything and your fil insists it is his choice it may still prevent her from doing it to someone else in the future.

Things aren't as straightforward & easy as that though. My FIL is capable of cutting close relatives off - indeed, he fell out with his brothers & sisters years ago & refused to speak to or see them again. To this day, he doesn't know if they are dead or alive. The inevitable consequence of his son reporting all this to the authorities is a massive fall out with my husband which could end up in a permanent rift. That is something which needs careful consideration & shouldn't be done on an impulse. That's not to say that we won't eventually report her, just that we need time to weigh up the consequences.

pmlindyloo

In fact, when he wanted to change his will, his solicitor insisted he get a letter from his GP saying he had the capacity to do this, although I am not sure whether he was given a full set of cognotive tests.

This particular sentence interested me.

I am wondering if your FIL is suffering from some form of dementia and this might possibly be the route to explore.

Have you noticed anything? Would it be possible to speak to your FIL's doctor in confidence and explain the situation?

theoldcynic

Gosh reading this thread has made me feel quite tearful, what an awful situation for you all, and how frustrating and upsetting.

MeganG wrote: »

We believe his taxi driver is brainwashing him as to his sons motives & is trying to drive a wedge between the family & isolate him from us.

MeganG wrote: »

The inevitable consequence of his son reporting all this to the authorities is a massive fall out with my husband which could end up in a permanent rift.

From what you are saying not doing anything, or reporting it to the authorities will lead to the same conclusion.

Except with the latter conclusion if this person is found to be abusing your fil in any way hopefully he will have some money left, you may have some authority to back up your concerns and he will not be being brainwashed anymore so may well seek out contact with his family again.

Perhaps a cursory call to the services/relevant organisations to highlight your concerns without making an official report as yet to see what they think would be helpful.

I really hope it gets resolved for you all soon.

Mojisola

pmlindyloo wrote: »

In fact, when he wanted to change his will, his solicitor insisted he get a letter from his GP saying he had the capacity to do this, although I am not sure whether he was given a full set of cognotive tests.

This particular sentence interested me.

I am wondering if your FIL is suffering from some form of dementia and this might possibly be the route to explore.

Have you noticed anything? Would it be possible to speak to your FIL's doctor in confidence and explain the situation?

The solicitor's insistance on a GP's letter made me think the solicitor wasn't entirely happy with making the new will and has thought of a way to cover his back.

MeganG

Mojisola wrote: »

The solicitor's insistance on a GP's letter made me think the solicitor wasn't entirely happy with making the new will and has thought of a way to cover his back.

That's what we thought. I suspect having an elderly man come in to change his will for the second time in a year, accompanied by his 'taxi driver' set alarm bells ringing.

Mojisola

MeganG wrote: »

That's what we thought. I suspect having an elderly man come in to change his will for the second time in a year, accompanied by his 'taxi driver' set alarm bells ringing.

I wonder if the solicitor actually had a one-to-one discussion with your father without his "minder" there. If not, you may have grounds to challenge the will due to pressure from her.

pineapple

squif33 wrote: »

I personally would contact the safeguarding department of my local social services- they can look into the mental capacity issue and also advise of next steps e.g. if police need to be involved etc.

Hope things get sorted- what an awful situation I really feel for you

There should be a safeguarding vulnerable adults worker or even a team in social services. Forget about concerns that you may not be able to prove it. That's not your problem. They have heard and seen it all before and all you are doing at this stage is reporting a concern.