Reality check

zephyr21

Hi all,
Today is the day that I have decided to sort my finances out as I am in my very late 20 and my partner is 35 and we still do not have our own house - instead we are constantly stressed, constantly in work and constantly in debt.
We try our best but then we will have a week moment and we will spend where we do not really need to. While we still owe money to my partner's parents we often help out mine which is costing us a lot of money and to be honest puts us down a bit. Anybody else in similar situation?

zephyr21

Well, judging by the response, none of you lucky people. In any case, it stops now and the only family that I will care for from now on is my partner and our pet. It is a high time to get just a little bit selfish, otherwise we will never have a house and/or savings.
So time to ditch the ungrateful burden!

zephyr21

Just coughing and getting annoyed- of course I have a cold now, when I should enjoy my annual leave. Well, at least I am home bound and not out there, spending money that I simply do not have. Due to laziness I actually created rely simple quick yet delicious soup/ risotto thing- essentially stock cube / I use the jelly things/ some frozen veg,put it all together with some cheep lidl rice, ad a little bay leaf and garlic. Really nice, cheap, nutritious and delicious!
Yesterday due to cravings and need to use up some fruit as well as make some space in the freezer I made crumble with some frozen strawberries, apples, plums (1 part butter, 1 part sugar, 2 part flour). It was great!

Hate flu! Hate it !
Argh!

National_Debtline

Hello zephyr21

To answer your question, plenty of other people are in a very similar situation to you. You make a good point about having to look after yourselves - If you've not already done so do consider going through a comprehensive financial statement as it can really help you build an accurate picture of your circumstances AND allow you to figure out the best route forward.

If you have twnty minutes spare you could take a look at our online money advice tool, My Money Steps. https://www.mymoneysteps.org/

You could also pop your statement of account up on here, I'm sure the other folks will let you know what their thoughts are.

Really hope you feel better soon!

Best wishes,

National Debtline.

whitewing

Can sympathise on the bunged up/sore throat side. Feel rubbishy myself.

You are right to concentrate on making your own situation better. Helping out family is not always the most appropriate thing, especially if they are always in the same situation.

Do keep posting, more people will pop in to your thread.

zephyr21

thanks Whitewing &NDR, your kind words are very much appreciated.
To be honest the biggest problem with not helping family - I feel sooooooooo guilty all the time it is really difficult to cope with it all the time! Also, in my family it is a tradition to give expensive gifts, so that is also a lot of pressure. It is really difficult to balance and I am struggling.

Bad_Weather

Hi zephyr21,

I help out my family aswell, my two sisters and I pay my parents mortgage! We are all totally fine with this as my parents don't keep well and between the 3 of us it's nothing we can't afford.

HOWEVER for a while though as my BF and I "earned more" we used to pay for lunches and coffees and everything with my sisters and family until i realised that THEY actually have alot more money and savings etc than me!!! AlOT more. I earn more (not much more) but my costs and outgoings (not including debt) are ALOT more than any of their's - again ALOT more. Plus they both have houses that are almost mortgage free/or very small mortgages left on them (i.e 1 sister only has 8 years left on her 4 bedroom house!). Meanwhile i'm living in a tiny wee flat up to my eyeballs in debt with zero savings!

I actually have friends like this aswell!!!

Anyway - rant over. Your post touched nerve. I love my family dearly but for a few years with my sisters (and friends) were letting me pay for everything and i was being a MUG for years and footing bills and paying more than any of them on presents etc.

I only really realised all of this around December and honeslty (incase you can't tell) i'm still bitter about it

zephyr21

I feel exactly the same ! I am a MUG and I know that I am being taken advantage of! I have say that in the past it was worst, now I help and I feel resentful and angry, and when I don't I just feel super guilty.
Still, I applaud you in helping out parents when they are not well- it is a really nice thing.
With my parents all their problems are self inflicted, I am trying to think about it rationally and see it as their choice but sadly heart comes to play as well.

Bad_Weather

Exactly. You want to be harsh but you love them so it's hard.

I made the decision that with my parents i'll help them out whatever way i can. Also it's their mortgage - a roof over their head. With them being ill didn't want my mum worrying about how to pay the bills and things. They to be fair they weren't the ones making a mug of me

But my sisters, bless them love them to bits, but I'm never paying for another coffee/lunch whatever again. And fancy presents - done. I'll never forget the day she said to me ohh I'm a bit skint this month only got something like £2k in my bank- but i've got my savings of £XXXX can't remember what ridiculous amount it was and i was actually said ARE YOU *BEEP* KIDDING ME ON!!!

I think we were walking out of a coffee shop and I had just paid like £10 quid on coffees and cake for us and she saw had about an hour before saw a bank receipt that showed i had £4 in my account or something. So she knew i only had £4 and that she had £2k in her CURRENT ACCOUNT or something - But still let me pay. She wasn't being nasty or anything i think just being fly. I mean I would let someone pay for my coffees regardless of how much i had in my bank account!

Anyway lesson learned. I suggest cut them off where you can. Also i now just say to them no i can't i'm skint and you have more money than me!!! I've found just saying outright that i'm paying my debts and have no money has helped!

zephyr21

Bad Weather - I understand what you mean about your siblings!
both my parents and siblings believe that I have lots of spare cash as we do not have childeren , it is only two of us and a pet and both of us are working.
Today I took remaining £6.15 from budgeted £10 for this week and went to Aldi. I have special purse for my groceries and I did not took my normal wallet thinking i will be ok- imagine my horror when at the till the lady said £6.40 - I had to return one of the items - EMBARRASSING! It is my local shop as well...
I also spent £60 on petrol and £0.60 on newspaper + got the electricity saving device for free ( but £P&P)
Tomorrow back to work - not looking forward to it to be honest.
Only consolation is lunch - I bought pack of mince and created burgers and meatballs- mmmmmmm

zephyr21

I am very seriously considering resigning from my current position - is just beyond ridiculous now and sadly holds no opportunities at all. It has been 9 month of hell . And I mean hell, I am going isane. I am just questioning whether I can afford sanity though..
On funny note - just got letter from my bank, from my first CC account (the one that I recently transfered money from to another 0% CC) -they increased my limit to almost £7K.
Crazy!