can my ex actually do this?

pyjamadays

yet another problem and more advice needed!

3 weeks ago my daughter (15) stormed out to her dads house in a huff, she won't talk or come to the house. i have had a mediation appointment and waiting for my ex to have his then possibly my daughter will have one if they think it's appropriate.
anyhow, he came along tonight and announced that she isn't coming back and will be collecting her stuff shortly. then he said he has contacted the child benefits and tax credits to get it switched over but has told them she moved out 3 weeks ago. is he allowed to do this just like that?
persoally i wish he had waited until the mediation as theres always the chance that whatever the problem is could be resolved and she might come back...anyone have any ideas?

Uniscots97

didn't want to read and run, sending you hugs. If you had residency or it was decided it was better for your daughter to reside with you or it was her choice then they'll take that into account first. I hope you get everything sorted out.

DVardysShadow

Your daughter has her own right to make her choice here. At 15, her views will count for a lot. Her father may be playing her to an extent, but essentially, everything you mention here arises from her exercising her own choice.

Don't think you have rights here, all you can do is offer your daughter a home. And the benefits essentially follow her choice.

pyjamadays

thanks :-) unfortunatly there is no residency order although i wish there was!
im not denying he should recieve money for my daughter, if she chooses to stay there full time thats fair enough. im just wondering if he can phone up and get it changed just like that? im hoping they'll contact me first about it and i can ask them to wait a few weeks until the mediation has been as things might change again.
i had just seen a solicitor to start the divorce and was getting legal aid, which was on the bases of having 2 children living with me, he knew this and questioned how i could get legal aid...begin to wonder if it has anything to do with that..although my suspicious mind does work overtime sometimes!

VfM4meplse

pyjamadays wrote: »

then he said he has contacted the child benefits and tax credits to get it switched over but has told them she moved out 3 weeks ago. is he allowed to do this just like that?

Not only is your OH being premature, he's also being immature in not trying to encourage you and DD to resolve matters.

Child benefit aside, does he stand to save a fortune in maintenance payments every month if your DD chooses to live with him rather than you?

pyjamadays

no, he only pays £20 a month for both children, not £20 each-just £20! he is self employed and earns much the same as me but claims most it off his vehicle and tools so it ends up looking like he earns nothing! however he did say to me that as my daughter will be living with him and my son goes out 2-3 nights a week that HE could now claim CSA, the calculator online says il have to pay hiom £125 a month. feeling a bit bullied by them both right now :-(

Igottawii!!

I had a similar situation a few years ago, I don't think they would take your ex's word for it.
Regarding your current relationship with your daughter I can only suggest you keep letting her know you love her and will respect her decision to live at her fathers or will be quite happy for her to return home to you any time.
It's not easy with teenagers and sometimes an absent parent can complicate the equation when trying to score points like this, I wish you luck!

pyjamadays

i have tried keeping in contact with my daughter and saying everything you suggest. she either completely ignores me or sends hurtful texts back :-(

faerie~spangles

pyjamadays wrote: »

yet another problem and more advice needed!

3 weeks ago my daughter (15) stormed out to her dads house in a huff, she won't talk or come to the house. i have had a mediation appointment and waiting for my ex to have his then possibly my daughter will have one if they think it's appropriate.
anyhow, he came along tonight and announced that she isn't coming back and will be collecting her stuff shortly. then he said he has contacted the child benefits and tax credits to get it switched over but has told them she moved out 3 weeks ago. is he allowed to do this just like that?
persoally i wish he had waited until the mediation as theres always the chance that whatever the problem is could be resolved and she might come back...anyone have any ideas?

Surely the most important thing is whether or not your daughter is residing in a place of safety?

pyjamadays

yes it is, but there are different kinds of safety involved here and in my mind she's better of with me. that is the reason she left in the 1st place, he lets her do what she wants. he didnt pick up her medication on time when i told him about it, hasnt taken her for a contraceptive dr appointment (this is the major issue in allowing her to do what she wants) and forgot about her cahms counselling appointment which i had also reminded him about. she actually isnt 15 yet until the end of the month but that makes little difference.

getzls

This bit about telling the tax credits she moved out 3 weeks ago. I may be wrong but when you make a claim they don't allow for x number of weeks. So he's trying to get the discounted weeks out of the way. Crafty.:cool:, if i'm right.