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mya_may

He's pretty much waiting for somewhere to go. I've told him I'll give notice on our house, although I am wondering if I could stay here on my wage as it's handy for work. I'm a bit relieved, if I'd have said I'm off and he said no don't, I wouldn't have. This way seems ,I don't know, not better but not far off.
VS phoned earlier they have made an appointment to come over, I want to ask him not to be here but don't want to say why.

thehappybutterfly

mya_may wrote: »

He's pretty much waiting for somewhere to go. I've told him I'll give notice on our house, although I am wondering if I could stay here on my wage as it's handy for work. I'm a bit relieved, if I'd have said I'm off and he said no don't, I wouldn't have. This way seems ,I don't know, not better but not far off.
VS phoned earlier they have made an appointment to come over, I want to ask him not to be here but don't want to say why.

The way he's treated you, he doesn't need or deserve an explanation. Tell him you have a private appointment and to make himself scarce.

londonsurrey

He sounds like an immature jerk with a short attention span, hence the holding you for two weeks.

That shows you the level of his commitment, and having expanded all the effort he's willing to put in, he wants his reward, i.e. everything nice and alright. You're better off without him. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone like that, and produce children with his genetic makeup and low intelligence?

Mojisola

mya_may wrote: »

Hi all, thanks for the posts, sorry I haven't been back, I guess I thought that just putting things down here would help. I walked out on OH, for the weekend, not really a walk out I just needed space, we spoke on the phone and I told him I didn't think he was supportive and he's only remembering what he did do not all the screaming and name calling and going over things that I didn't want to think about let alone have voiced. I went back and nothings changed, we still don't speak, tonight he's pretty much told me he's biding his time till he can leave.

He's told me the only reason I married him is because I wanted to punish him

What's stopping him?

If he's not going to make a move quickly, see what you can arrange for yourself. This is a very unhealthy relationship to be in.

Mrs_Ryan

Mya, I used victim support after I was sexually assaulted last year.

They were very good, the lady rang me on a Sunday afternoon and I poured it all out, she just talked me through the options and let me go on. I said I didnt want OH knowing in any way (OH has mental health issues) and they were very discreet. I needed someone desperately to talk to as my head was done in with it all and talking to them really helped.

mya_may

He's biding his time as he has nowhere to go. I don't want it over, I want it how it was but I have a feeling it won't be, I'm not strong enough to go either, but I don't want to sit by forever waiting for him to love me again. I've still not told him about the appointment, I don't want him here but I do want the dog here so I can feel safer but he'll either want to know why or not want to leave the dog.
I'm really skint at the moment and he's not been working, which I know is part of his frustrations, but I can't afford all the bills on my own so I cancelled some, he's already had a go because I won't (can't) give him money, I know there will be another argument when he realises I have cancelled some direct debits, the rent and essentials are ok but not mobiles.

I called the samaritans too, of everything going on I'm most worried about the VS appointment, I know deep down they won't turn up in a big van with it written on the side but it was still stopping me sleeping. I'm. Also worried about work, they know what is going on at home but not what happened before, I'm worried that they will think I'm incapable if they knew everything.

Thanks for your post mrs ryan,it helps to know someone has used them and it helped, I was a bit worried it wouldn't help, 'emotional support' sounds like its quite a broad service and the last thing I want is to feel worse.

emweaver

mya_may wrote: »

I'm not quite sure where to start so sorry if I don't make a lot of sense, I have no one to talk to.
I was assualted a few years ago, I remember pretty much nothing, except what I was told but it doesn't make sense to me. The police didn't persue it. I didn't tell anyone but OH. He told me we had to act normal or our relationship wouldn't survive. He held me for two weeks and kept telling me that. Then it was like he thought it had all gone away that I should be fine, I shouldn't be staying awake all night or locking myself upstairs or sleeping fully dressed.
After 2 years the pressure of acting normal is getting to me, I'm fine if I'm kept busy but its never far away. I also find myself really unsympathetic to OH, if he has a problem it takes all my effort not to just shrug at him.
This week he actually said, I don't know what's happened to you but you've changed, you're not a nice person anymore. What am I supposed to say to that, he thinks its gone away cos I don't talk about it but I don't talk about it cos I want it to go away.
Not long after it happened he'd get drunk and go on and on about it, getting angry and making it all about him which is another reason for not wanting to talk, he said awful things and smashed things.
I'm not really sure what to do, I don't feel I can talk to him but I'm feeling worse about myself and can't go on not talking about how I feel! I'm not sure what I expect from this post but I need to vent it out somewhere

If you contact your local SARC centre they can arrange for specialist counselling for you.

Your husband may feel guilty that he couldn't protect you. I really think you should talk to him tell him how you feel ask how he feels etc. There is also counselling available for partners of women who have been assaulted , again im sure SARC will be able to advise or possibly arrange this. It does not matter how long ago the assault occured for you to contact them.

How you feel will never completely go away even with counselling you will have bad days but they will become fewer and easier to cope with.

I hope you and dh can work through this as it sounds like you really need him right now x

emweaver

mya_may wrote: »

I spoke to a local counselling service this week too, before OH told me he wanted a divorce, they have a 16 week waiting list! So I spoke to vic supp too, I don't want to be on a 16 week waiting list if I have other options as someone else could have that place. The person I spoke to said it isn't counselling its emotional support, has anyone used them before, is it different from counselling? They asked if they are ok to come to the house to, I'm not sure what to think about that

I found them useless I found SARC very good for emotional support and there waiting list at least in my area is 7 weeks so a lot less than via my gp surgery which is 6 months for unspecialised counselling.

I really feel for you I wish your dh was more supportive. There are several forums you can join just google them where everyone has been in similar situations and can give you support.