untitled

meritaten

oh dear - experiences do change you and those around you. But, as other posters have said 'Heal yourself FIRST'.
See your GP and ask for counselling or phone the Samaritans and they can help with referral.
or if the assault was specific - there are specialised charities and phone lines, who are rather more speedy at getting you (and OH) counselling.

I couldnt be as harsh as some on here about your OH - his attitude now shows that HE is not coping either! while not belittling in any way that his attitude hasnt helped you!

Do you know WHY the police are not persueing the case? a crime took place and you have a right to know why there is no active case? or is there and they just dont have any leads? It wont hurt to ask - in a letter if you cant face them.

I feel for you hun - I do hope you take the advice of almost everyone and get counselling - it isnt a magic wand and it can be painful - but beneficial!

mya_may

Victim support got in touch with me but I was terrified that he would find out where I lived because they had written to me, it doesn't actually make sense now. I have got the number for a phone place but I work shifts so can't always phone when they are open, similarily counselling appointments are the same time each week so it was quite difficult to see someone. Plus I lost my job and had to find another quick and didn't want to have to explain myself
I don't think I'm ready to talk though, I want someone to be there for me and I don't have that, he's so distant and I find myself doing it back cos I feel stupid it always being me that wants a cuddle or affection, I feel like I'm being really needy and I'm asking a lot but I'm really not, I'm not wanting to cling on to him all the time, as I said I've been near 'normal' for most of the time. I have the dog and as cuddly as he is I do need a bit more.
I keep thinking its going to come to a head, something awful will happen to one of us and I'll remember how little he has been there and resent it or be unable to offer him any support because I already resent how he has behaved towards me.
He told me to man up, I remembered earlier, that's what I meant in my first post about him saying some awful things, there's almost no way I could be there for him if he needed me and I'm not that kind of person.

Thanks to everyone that replied, I do feel better getting it out.

whitewing

Counselling often has a waiting list anyway. I think he is wrong to tell you to man up. However, I also think it would be very difficult for him to know how to handle it. I honestly think getting some support externally will help you to decide better what to do about your relationship and your feelings in general. Can you talk to the Samaritans or some other more specific helplines until you can get something sorted out with a specific counsellor.

escortg3

I have been in that situation of something awful happening to me. But what i have to remember it is not my OH's fault. I explained to my OH that i was struggling to deal with things and he understood i had my down, upset moments and he left me to it. Which is what i asked him to do. I said when i am upset leave me to deal with it for an hour.

I saw someone to help me talk it through at weekends which i paid for. Worth every penny.

I occasionally have down times even now some years since but i never shrug, or am unloving towards my OH. It isnt his fault.

Mojisola

escortg3 wrote: »

I have been in that situation of something awful happening to me. But what i have to remember it is not my OH's fault.

The event wasn't mya-may's OH's fault. Not supporting her is.

If he's having trouble coping with it, there are a lot of things he could do - for both of them. Telling her to pretend it never happened is not healthy - for mya-may personally or for their relationship in the long term.

bright_side

I certainly don't get the impression that mya-may is blaming her OH in any way for what happened to her. Just as I never blamed my ex for what happened to me, but if you can't share ALL your feelings with the person you share your life with because of their attitude or inability to understand, then something needs to give. In mya-may's situation her OH isn't even beginning to TRY to understand and some times them trying is all we need to see. Actually, my ex just showing that he cared about how I felt would've been enough.

meritaten

mya hun - The Sammies can be contacted 24/7 and will sit and LISTEN to you. and tbh - I do feel you will need to verbalise what has happened before counselling can help anyway.

No-one can track you down as you dont even have to give your real name - In fact hiding behind a 'nom de plume' may even give you the confidence to talk.

You can say as much or as little as you want - completely informally and 'off the record'. You can talk as long as you want and as many times as you need to. No-one will say your time is up or the next client is due. YOU will be the one in control...........Please think about it hun. Make that first call and dont worry if you cannot get talking straight away.

Look in the Phone Book for the number which is local to you.

Please?
Merit

mya_may

Hi all, thanks for the posts, sorry I haven't been back, I guess I thought that just putting things down here would help. I walked out on OH, for the weekend, not really a walk out I just needed space, we spoke on the phone and I told him I didn't think he was supportive and he's only remembering what he did do not all the screaming and name calling and going over things that I didn't want to think about let alone have voiced. I went back and nothings changed, we still don't speak, tonight he's pretty much told me he's biding his time till he can leave.
He's told me the only reason I married him is because I wanted to punish him

mya_may

I spoke to a local counselling service this week too, before OH told me he wanted a divorce, they have a 16 week waiting list! So I spoke to vic supp too, I don't want to be on a 16 week waiting list if I have other options as someone else could have that place. The person I spoke to said it isn't counselling its emotional support, has anyone used them before, is it different from counselling? They asked if they are ok to come to the house to, I'm not sure what to think about that

Sambucus_Nigra

mya - take whatever support you can get. If they come to the house it might be interesting if he is there then they might see what you are dealing with and refer you somewhere else.

What is he waiting for? You would be better off without him if this is what you have to deal with each day.

And as said before, the Samaritans are there 24/7

Good luck, you have alot on your plate at the minute and I hope you manage to get through it ok.