Partner in severe debt

NM2012

I have just found out that my partner has severe debt problems from before we were together - £40k+ and he has kept them from me. He lied about his income to pay his creditors and I didn't know anything about it. It was only when we came to buy a house that all had to be laid bare and he admitted it.

I don't know at the moment whether I will stay with him. He is currently planning to go bankrupt, having finally admitted his problems and sought advice.

The problem I have is that I was made redundant last year (while on maternity leave) and am slowly trying to start up my own business so that I can have a more flexible life and spend time with my daughter. The plan was always that my partner's income went to pay for bills and mine (when I have some) pays for luxuries (not that we have many but occasional holidays and a meal out or a trip to the cinema).

My concern now is that if my partner goes bankrupt and I then start earning, I immediately have to contribute to the household expenses and will have no money for myself - I want to work because I want my daughter and I to have some money - but is there any point if the creditors will effectively take it all?

Also - while starting up my business my partner has been paying for us to have a small amount of childcare so that I can work/have business meetings (although sometimes I had to pay this out of savings as he said he didn't have the money) - will they allow this on his SOA? Now and in the future when I am earning?

Any help appreciated - sorry for ALL the questions. I only found out about this a week ago so please be kind. Just trying to be practical at the moment and not even thought about the lies/emotional side of things....

skintandscared_2

Three questions immediately spring to mind which might help people give advice. Are you married to your partner? Is your daughter his biological child? Are you and he financially linked at all (joint account, etc)?

NM2012

Thank you for responding. I really appreciate it.

No we are not married, yes she is his daughter and we are not linked in any way financially - all the debts are 100% my partners and he stopped spending on his cards when we met.

DUTR

NM2012 wrote: »

Thank you for responding. I really appreciate it.

No we are not married, yes she is his daughter and we are not linked in any way financially - all the debts are 100% my partners and he stopped spending on his cards when we met.

Perhaps you missed the point you wrote" I want to work because I want my daughter and I to have some money - but is there any point if the creditors will effectively take it all? And although it isn't a decision I have made yet, would I be better off if I did leave him - as at least then I could keep my own money?"

Which does seem as if your partner is only around as a donor and to put money on the table, it's a difficult call as I don't know what he could spend £40k on and not have much to show for it, and now that you have a family together, there are aspects in life your daughter may need that money just cannot buy, perhaps it's time to split although it may have been better to split before making babies
Good Luck.

silvercar

IF he went bankrupt, the OR would look at his income and your income and assess his reasonable contribution to household expenses. So if he earns twice what you earn, he would be expected to contribute twice as much as you to household expenses. If that leaves him with money left over he can expect to contribute to an IPA.

If you are seriously thinking of leaving him over this, where does that leave you? Low income while your business becomes established. 10% of his income as his contribution to you for child maintenance and less help with child are.


I can understand your upset at having this information withheld from you and certainly it will make you feel less trustworthy of your relationship, but thinking of dumping him because he may not have the money to contribute to your costs, suggests that there is problems in the relationship.

Also remember that 2 adults can live together more cheaply than apart.

NM2012

This was and I hope will be again a very strong relationship. But lies throw everything in the air and only a week into this I'm still incredibly upset and different options go through my mind all the time. My partner is far more than a sperm donor and until I was made redundant while on maternity leave I contributed more than him to the household.

My main questions are whether he can claim for childcare as I guess an OR will question why we need it? And if we have any surplus income down the line will it all be taken?

alastairq

hi....and welcome.

I can understand why you feel let down by your partner's attitude....but you have to understand, being in debt...[probably for no better reason than simply trying to maintain the status quo?]....is deemed thoroughly acceptable in our society..and has been outrageously encouraged over the past two or three decades, from the top down.......but finding oneself unable to stem the tide of rising debt can leave one with feelings of inadequacy, or failure, which are as hard to admit as alcoholism, drug addiction, or whatever.

The final option..that of bankruptcy, is seen by many as the moral pits....with far more emphasis placed upon financial so-called integrity than with, for example, marital fidelity!

He hasn't lied to you as such...merely been too ashamed to admit the truth of the matter.

What he needed ...and still needs, is support.

Are you prepared to offer that support?

Remember, you are in a partnership, as well as a relationship.

If supporting him in his hour of need is beyond what you are prepared to give, then he really is better off without you.

Sadly his daughter will not be better off without him, though....and really, this must be uppermost in the importance stakes.

Regarding childcare? If both of you are in such a position whereby your DD requires external care, then that can be included within the SOA [on a pro rata basis].

Regarding surplus? If, after his proportion of all reasonable living expenses are deducted, there is a surplus per month in excess of £20, then that surplus may be claimed under an IPA. [which can be altered one way or another as circumstances change.]

Your actual income is not touched....if you have any......but his SOA will reflect your contribution to joint living expenses, if you do have an income.

If he has no choice but BR, then look upon it as an opportunity to make a fresh start......

DUTR

NM2012 wrote: »

This was and I hope will be again a very strong relationship. But lies throw everything in the air and only a week into this I'm still incredibly upset and different options go through my mind all the time. My partner is far more than a sperm donor and until I was made redundant while on maternity leave I contributed more than him to the household.

My main questions are whether he can claim for childcare as I guess an OR will question why we need it? And if we have any surplus income down the line will it all be taken?

I'm sure it will become a strong relationship, and that also depends on you being strong and not just throwing the towel in, as mentioned earlier I don't know what the debts accrue from, could it be from fancy clothes or high lifestyle that made him a little more appealing than the boring joe soap? Yes it must have been devastating to find out about the debt and perhaps it may not have been so had he managed to remain in employment but there is a recession on and all are becoming victims along the line, as Alistairq mentions, debt was vastly encouraged, I remember all those tv adverts " are you owing £15k or more?" I felt abnormal for not having any debt.
But to answer your main enquiry, I don't know about the childcare thing, and after the budget in the week, the rules may again change

NM2012

Thank you for the helpful comments. I wrote the original post when in a particularly emotionally mood. It's been tough. I hope we can be strong enough to get through it and I find it useful to read comments about people who have been in his situation so that I can understand it more. In terms of whether he's lied or not - he altered his wage slips to hide his income... flatly denied having debt... And concealed debt on a mortgage application... All things also trying to understand. Thanks again for the comments though, I starting to understand the desperate situation he found himself in.

How might the budget affect bankruptcy?

NM2012

P.S. I was made redundant not him. He is still thankfully employed.

silvercar

If he does go bankrupt and you have little income as your business is just starting up, then his income will be expected to cover most household expenditure.

Assuming that living with you and your child is more expensive than him living in a bedsit on his own, the OR has no option but to allow him the reasonable costs of the household, so the chances are he will have a smaller IPA if you stick with him than if you are on your own.

With his debts written off in bankruptcy, it may be the chance to start with a clear slate.

I take it he has checked that bankruptcy won't effect his job?