Close relation spreading malicious gossip and lies

Errata

Option 1 - ignore her
Option 2 - give her a ring and tell her to get stuffed

balletshoes

Errata wrote: »

Option 1 - ignore her
Option 2 - give her a ring and tell her to get stuffed

I think I'd go for option 2 - your gossipy relative is probably going to spill the beans anyway (she already has to some of your family) so you might as well just get it all over with!

paddy's_mum

There's an old saying that may apply in this case.

People who know/trust/love you won't believe what Madame Gossip has to say.

People who don't know you may believe but since they don't know you and you don't know them, what do you care what they think of you = some unknown bloke in the next village?

I know it's unpleasant but if you stoop to gossip's level of stupidity and/or drama, you are as bad ... as in, lie down with pigs and you won't come up smelling of roses! (No personal offence meant, just a figure of speech) Good luck.

andygb

paddy's_mum wrote: »

There's an old saying that may apply in this case.

People who know/trust/love you won't believe what Madame Gossip has to say.

People who don't know you may believe but since they don't know you and you don't know them, what do you care what they think of you = some unknown bloke in the next village?

I know it's unpleasant but if you stoop to gossip's level of stupidity and/or drama, you are as bad ... as in, lie down with pigs and you won't come up smelling of roses! (No personal offence meant, just a figure of speech) Good luck.

It is potentially a bit more serious than that. She is threatening to repeat something which was said about some quite unsavoury (violent, criminal) characters, who I knew a few years ago. I did not involve myself in their business, but she for some reason found them quite appealing, so I let her know a few facts about them, purely because I did not want to see her mixed up in their lifestyle. She is now threatening to contact these people and tell them what I said to her in confidence. At the time she was quite grateful that I had told her the full story about them, but now she seems prepared to lash out at me in any way possible.

missprice

ignore, ignore, ignore

if she has no reaction from you then it wont work (whatever 'it' is)
if she calls you put the phone down, or record it but say nothing
if she visits your home shut the door
if she sends letter keep them just in case it escalates
but don't explain your actions
you don't need to
your obviously over the age of consent and don't need mummy permission to do stuff so you sure as darn it do not need to explain any actions of your to her so simply don't
and you don't need to tel her why you are doing this
it seems to go in one ear and out the other so leave her to her pettiness and IGNORE

BitterAndTwisted

So, let me get this straight: gossip-bag has told you things about someone else and you've decided to repeat them back to the subject and now you are worried that a hornet's-nest is going to be stirred up and you will be the victim this time? If that's the case you appear to have been the architect of your own misfortune.

Learn from this that blabbing other people's gossip and lies nearly always causes trouble for the blabber rather than the originator.

The only way to deal with this is to sever all contact with this loathsome idiot and tell anyone you know who cares that she's a liar, a fantasist and a trouble-maker. That should put paid to whatever she plans to tell anyone about you: truth, deliberate inaccuracies or lies.

System

and next time keep your mouth well and truly shut!

londonsurrey

Simply don't talk to her. If she calls, don't say anything, just put the phone handset on the table. She can listen to silence, you chatting to a visiting neighbour, your tv, and you making a cup of tea. It does work, as long as you refuse to engage.

Do you ever watch SuperNanny? It's like the bit where they put children to bed. You simply don't engage with the children when returning them to bed - no eye contact, no smile, no small chat.

andygb

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

So, let me get this straight: gossip-bag has told you things about someone else and you've decided to repeat them back to the subject and now you are worried that a hornet's-nest is going to be stirred up and you will be the victim this time? If that's the case you appear to have been the architect of your own misfortune.

Learn from this that blabbing other people's gossip and lies nearly always causes trouble for the blabber rather than the originator.

The only way to deal with this is to sever all contact with this loathsome idiot and tell anyone you know who cares that she's a liar, a fantasist and a trouble-maker. That should put paid to whatever she plans to tell anyone about you: truth, deliberate inaccuracies or lies.

The only problem with your advice, is that people will often not believe you unless you recount exact details.
The way I look at it, I have stopped her spreading gossip about someone who I like. They were not sure until I told them things which had been repeated to a group of people, things which were originally told in confidence.
I do not feel at all guilty about doing this, because I feel that what she is doing is bordering on defamation of character.

andygb

Judi wrote: »

and next time keep your mouth well and truly shut!

Why should I do that, I have done nothing wrong.