Close relation spreading malicious gossip and lies

andygb

As per the title really. A very close blood relation, has been openly spreading gossip about another realtion who I am quite good friends with. This goes back a couple of years, and the relation who is spreading the gossip, and repeating things said in confidence, still regards herself friends with the "victim". I had previously warned relation "gossip" that I didn't want to hear any more of these stories, because I got on well with the person in question, and if it continues, then I would warn the person in question.
This advice however was ignored, and I did warn relation "victim" that she should not tell "gossip" any more things in confidence. At first she did not believe me, but when I told her a couple of things which had been repeated, then it was obvious that I was telling the truth. She then confronted "gossip", who tried to deny it (pretty pointless really).
The upshot of this, is that "gossip" sent both of us letters, telling us what she thinks of us. At the end of my letter (received back in January), she oredered me to reply, otherwise she would keep on sending letters - well that didn't work;)
She then phoned me up, accusing me of spreading malicious gossip and lies, and then put the phone down, when I explained why I had done it.
I received a second letter yesterday, threatening to tell various people things about me - again confidential conversations (and lies) from the past, unless I apologised to her.
I phoned my other relation and told her this, and she said that "gossip" had already told her some confidential things about me (and my wife, work situation, health) before all of this started.
I was not too bothered originally, but thinking about this has really made me angry, because she mixes lies and fabrication with a little bit of truth (which was told in confidence).
I have kept the letters, shall I wait until the next episode, or can I stop this progressing any further?

RAS

Well the first thing to do is obviously to stop speaking in confidence to her?

I would recommend that you find a way of recording all calls with her.

Wait until you have a fair bit of evidence and then write and advise that if there is any more haressment, you will contact the police.

And be prepared to do that.

if other family members ask, explain that she has been spreading lies about you and other people so you now do not trust her.

System

Reminds me of someone i used to know on the caravan site we have our van stored on.

She was 4 foot tall and the only thing that came out of her mouth was bile. Her language wasnt bad but she would talk about everyone. I never heard her say anything positive about anyone or anything. I used to refer to her as the Poison Dwarf to my husband.

Thank goodness she moved her van *shudder*.

andygb

RAS wrote: »

Well the first thing to do is obviously to stop speaking in confidence to her?

I would recommend that you find a way of recording all calls with her.

Wait until you have a fair bit of evidence and then write and advise that if there is any more haressment, you will contact the police.

And be prepared to do that.

if other family members ask, expain that she has been spreading lies about you and other people so you now do not trust her.

Cheers for that:beer:
Both the letters are quite vitriolic (unhinged would be a better word), but I can kind of just brush them off.
We have not had any calls since the last one in January (used to keep in touch several times a week), when she put the phone down on me (I sometimes think that I wind certain people up by being too calm and logical). Is it an easy thing to do - recording a phone call?
I did wonder about going to the police, because she wasted their time about ten years ago, when she made up a few stories about us to try to track us down when we went on holiday in Europe.
To be fair, I haven't told her anything in confidence since 2007 (one of the things that she is trying to blackmail me with).
It is a difficult situation, because my missus and I have helped her out in the past, but I felt that she had gone too far this time, and people had to be aware of what she was doing.
Thanks for your help.

daska

It's really easy to do. We got a box from Maplins. It plugs into the main telephone socket and you have the option of setting it to record everything or just specific calls. Make sure you warn her that you are going to record the calls - chances are she'll think you're joking - up until that point you can use them for private reference, after that point you can use them as evidence in court.

andygb

Judi wrote: »

Reminds me of someone i used to know on the caravan site we have our van stored on.

She was 4 foot tall and the only thing that came out of her mouth was bile. Her language wasnt bad but she would talk about everyone. I never heard her say anything positive about anyone or anything. I used to refer to her as the Poison Dwarf to my husband.

Thank goodness she moved her van *shudder*.

The person in question is not married, in her fifties, and has never been in a relationship. I have had words with her in the past, when she makes comments about various relations and the state of their marriage, children etc.
She has issues regarding weight and personal hygiene, but will not take advice from anyone. She does not socialise outside of a few relatives (the number of which has now decreased). She does not drive, so relies on lifts from relations and public transport.
It would seem that she has a very self destructive character, because she stands to lose a lot if she does not change.

andygb

daska wrote: »

It's really easy to do. We got a box from Maplins. It plugs into the main telephone socket and you have the option of setting it to record everything or just specific calls. Make sure you warn her that you are going to record the calls - chances are she'll think you're joking - up until that point you can use them for private reference, after that point you can use them as evidence in court.

Cheers Daska, I suppose that is a legal requirement about warning her? I could of course say it in a sarcastic way.
I do not forsee her phoning any time soon however.

System

she's going to find she's going to be a very lonely old lady.

daska

It is if you want to use it as evidence, it isn't AFAIK if you want to use it for personal reference.

Acc72

andygb wrote: »

The person in question is not married, in her fifties, and has never been in a relationship.

She does not socialise outside of a few relatives (the number of which has now decreased).

She does not drive, so relies on lifts from relations and public transport.

Is this thread for real ?

As somebody else said, simply stop all communication with this person.

Other than that, as she has little social contact with anybody outside their/your immediate family, who is she going to tell tales to ?

Creating a whole drama with letters and Police etc. is exactly the reaction this person is looking for - so why give it to them ?

Just ignore them, get on with your life and let this person find somebody else to gossip about.

andygb

Acc72 wrote: »

Is this thread for real ?

?????????

If you could see it and read it, then yes, it is for real;)