How to stop the green eyed monster??

Nottoobadyet

It sometimes helps to think about what you do have - after all, I dont know you but I assume that you have some great kids, access to good quality healthcare for naught, decent education, maybe a vehicle, some assurance of support in your old age and probably even a home (rented or bought) you all can live in comfortably and safely. Those are things that how many billions of people in the world can only dream of.

If that fails, I find that noting how daft some mums look in their two sizes too small designer jeans helps :P

beadgirl87

What I do is work out the cost in food or something else. So if I see a top from Next for £50, I think thats a months food for me. Can I sacrific eating for a month for this item of clothing, then I realise it's not so great after all. Or how many hours you would have to work for it, or I suppose how much further off your debt free date. £100 bag which may push back your date by a few months.
Or if you bought a designer coat for your child, he can't have football lessons, cubs or scouts for a term, and think which makes him happier. (no idea if this is accurate as know nothing about children and costs, but you get the idea.)
HTH

nancmat

Just keep on track with a budget. I buy almost of of my clothes 2nd & same for my daughter, and always get complimenst on my e-bay bargains most recently got a lovely jacket £90 in store still i paid £9 its lovely, and feel slightly smug when I said what it cost. They probably have NEXT accounts with a couple of grand on. They sound a bit boring talking about bags & clothes...

chickpea

OP - maybe there are people directing the green-eyed monster at you?

You have lots on the face of it, OK a debt, but you're sorting that out.

I'm not on here because I'm in debt, far from it, money is fortunately no object - I might even be one of those 'fancy bag mums' you envy! But as it goes, I'm infertile and my one son was conceived after 3 and a half years of strife and will likely be my only one. I'd swap a fair portion of our wealth for your family/fertility!

So thank your lucky stars for what you have and that your problems are 'fixable'!

BabyBear8

Elly

i have much the same problem! we're shortly starting a DMP which means my beloved store & credit cards will be chopped up!

i feel exactly the same as you do & although i try to think of the lovely things in my life, if i get down the first thing i want to do is shop. A habit i need to get out of quickly!

We'll have to spur each other on! x

Mort

Think back to your LBM. Remember how you felt when the realisation hit you that your income could not meet your repayments and that borrowing more was not a realistic option?
Then take a few deep breaths and start thinking about those fancy clothes and bags. You may want them but do you need them? Probably not, but if you do save for them, resist the urge to impulse buy.

What helped me a lot was seeing the level of debt coming down month by month. Using the Payplan website, creditor statements coming through the door and on my spreadsheet.

Good luck with clearing the debts and keep using this site it does help.:)

icklepiggle

I've been working through something which also might help - Behavioural Activation Therapy (for PND) and one of things I'm working on is how to get out of the habit of 'sticky thoughts'. You know those thoughts that go round & round like, 'why am I stuck in the house with 2 screaming monkeys - if I had money I could take them anywhere I wanted' etc etc.

Try thinking about things in a different way so rather than asking yourself huge questions that you can't answer such as 'why is this happening it is so unfair I have no money' think about asking 'how' or 'what' questions that you can answer. This will stop you going round & round in your head what you can't do & will let you instead concentrate on what you can do.

A lot of the replies already have come up with some great ideas, but when you do find yourself stuck in a rut with your thinking then this can help too,

HTH

aliasojo

OP do you have a spreadsheet?

I have one and it's helpful to see the figures change every month. (Bit of a pain that they don't change quicker mind but hey ho at least it's a solid sign we're having an effect.

I use Excel and have a sheet where I list all my bills at one side and debts (and payments at the other). When you have low moments (which we have a lot of right now ) it's good to go look at the spreadsheet to remind yourself how the figures are looking better than they did a few months ago.

I never thought I was a spreadsheet kinda gal but I wouldn't be without mine now.

Learning2Budget

Just wanted to say I know how you feel. I watch all my friends going on expensive holidays......one has just taken out a 9grand loan to go on holiday!!! They all have nice cars and nice clothes and take the kids nice places. Sometimes it really bites. But then i think....in 5 years time we can save up and go on holiday or save for a new car. We made our mistakes and have learnt. Like someone else said....they have things on storecards things onna cc, a loan here car on finance. We won't have that but we will have financial security knowing we can save for the kids getting married or going to uni etc.

Its hard an i send big hugs but before you know it the debt will be gone and you can start living a little.
I have a treat fund and when i have a bit saved i go and buy something that I've been watching fir months. Then i know i really need it and really want it and it makes it special. The kids are young enough not to have known anything else sizzler that makes it easier.

Good luck L2B.x

downsizer3

Its a really good point - and even more so for long haulers I think. You can generate a change in your own mindset but we all flag occasionally and wonder why we're so fed up - only to realise there are no 'treats' or certainly not as many.
Spreadsheets are great to keep motivation up - as is coming on here and reminding ourselves why we're doing this.
I have lots of friends whith debts - some that would make your eyes water but as their jobs seem safe - they're happy with that and keep on buying.....When I tell them I'll have zero debt nor a mortgage (hopefully) by 2016 they are gobsmacked. But then I got scared a few years ago about my job ( still unsafe) and have looked long and hard at the doomsday scenario.

Hang in there - it'll be worth it in the end.
The occassional wee thing to perk you up does help - even if its one top from Tesco or something.