How to stop the green eyed monster??

elly-spendaholic

Hi, I have been a member on here for some time, but do much more lurking than talking! I am using lots of the suggestions to cut back so I can clear some of my £21000 debt :eek: and hope I will stay motivated. I just wanted to ask how you all stay motivated with cutting back and not spending? I have now got a strict budget of £160 a week including fuel, shopping, hobbies etc which is a big cut back, but seems to be working fine for us. However when I see other mums at school talking about their new fancy clothes and bags and how much they have spent on their kids in Next etc, I really struggle to keep focused. Maybe I am weak lol, but after years of buying what I like and spending too much on my kids I always start thinking that I should have what everyone else has and then I start feeling hard done by and jealous of them, and in turn I feel down and fed up about the mess I've got into! I really don't want to give in and spend but its soooo hard...

Any tips to stop me thinking like this would be greatfully recieved as I know I need to get my debts down- the quicker the better! xx

vasseur

elly-spendaholic wrote: »

Hi, I have been a member on here for some time, but do much more lurking than talking! I am using lots of the suggestions to cut back so I can clear some of my £21000 debt :eek: and hope I will stay motivated. I just wanted to ask how you all stay motivated with cutting back and not spending? I have now got a strict budget of £160 a week including fuel, shopping, hobbies etc which is a big cut back, but seems to be working fine for us. However when I see other mums at school talking about their new fancy clothes and bags and how much they have spent on their kids in Next etc, I really struggle to keep focused. Maybe I am weak lol, but after years of buying what I like and spending too much on my kids I always start thinking that I should have what everyone else has and then I start feeling hard done by and jealous of them, and in turn I feel down and fed up about the mess I've got into! I really don't want to give in and spend but its soooo hard...

Any tips to stop me thinking like this would be greatfully recieved as I know I need to get my debts down- the quicker the better! xx

I think it all become habit after a while when you are keeping to your budget. I actually enjoy the feeling (and even find it empowering) that I have managed to feed, clothe and house us and stay in budget. Shop around for everything. It's a lovely feeling knowing you have got something for the cheapest price possible - it is quite addictive actually!

You just need to think that appearances can be deceptive. I used to be like that every time I saw someone with a flash car, posh new boots Now I realise it's probably all on credit. One of my dd's friends family look to the outsider that they have everything (big house, 2 large cars, new clothes every week) until I had a very revealing conversation with the mother which revealed that the credit cards were maxed out, they had 2 car loans and the mortgage was interest only.

Acquiring these things on credit never feels as good as when you've saved up for something.:)

Just be proud that you are dealing with your debts.

WestonDave

The biggest motivation is always remembering that gut wrenching absolute terror that strikes when you suddenly realise how much you owe. Chances are some (maybe not all) of those at the school gate who are spending on stuff they don't need are heading towards that train wreck moment, whilst you are recovering from it.

Another point is to think about what you are actually wanting to provide for your kids - is it the latest bit of plastic tat that they will forget long before the credit card bill arrives, or is it a long term stable financial future where they can be sure that you will have funds put aside for things they need for school (e.g. trips etc), maybe contributions towards University, maybe a nest egg towards a first car or house. Younger kids in particular may seem to suffer from the greeneyed monster effect but in reality will often be equally content with some of your time playing a game or reading a story together rather than having flash new stuff. (Incidentally its also not good to be teaching them to try to find happiness in acquiring stuff - you tend to end up a few grand in debt before you realise its futile and true happiness lies elsewhere)

aliasojo

My OH is having problems just now as all his workmates are going on about what holidays they've booked and how long they are off for etc etc. He's not jealous of them as such, but it's made him pretty down about our own situation as any spare cash we have goes on our debt and not ourselves.

We've also moved to an area which is reasonably affluent and I drive into the school car park to pick our daughter up every day thankful I don't have to get out of the car and show off my well worn jeans.

The feelings (and the debt) will pass though and despite the fact it's really hard to keep going sometimes, you just need to plod on and try not to think about things too much. The situation is as it is, just keep focusing on the end win line.

tallyhoh

I worked in a council office in a very affluent area, trust me most of these people have incredible debts. You have seen the light.

yorpington

Bet you anything some of those people are in debt too, as bad or even worse than you were before your LBM - the difference is they aren't working themselves out of it!

I do know exactly how you feel - when my friends are going on holiday or shopping or whatever I can feel a bit blue about it, but I just try to think about what I have that they don't: a LBM and a clear path towards debt freedom.

P.S. Your kids love you, not the stuff you buy them. As the (now grown-up!) child of a spendaholic single mother, I can promise you that :heart2:

sugarcube84

Luckily my ds is not at schoold yet he is only 2 so i don't really have the same problem, i don't get the moments of jealousy from looking at what other have got but there are moments when i want to buy something or treat us or go somewhere and realise we cant afford it and i think how unfair it is. I say unfair because while i realise that we ran up the debts a lot of it was while hubby was unemployed/ setting up the business and really couldnt have been avoided.

My motivation is to clear the debts for when ds starts school so we can go on a well deserved family holiday, as we will have the extra money from the nursery fees.

and im another one who finds it quite addictive to find something for the cheapest price possible!! and im quite proud that i manage to spend less on cleaning products but the house it just as clean, spend less on washing powder but clothes are just as clean, spend less on food but eat better etc etc the list goes on. While it is difficult at times i know our attitude to money had changed and when we have paid off the debts not only will we be in a better position but we will have more 'spare' cash and a much better idea of how to spend i wisely!!

elly-spendaholic

Thanks for your replies..yes I am sure a lot of the mums are in debt as they never stop spending- I'm sure even the mega rich couldn't spend like some of them do! I will definitely start focusing more on my own life and making the kids happy in other ways than just buying them stuff everytime they want something. It would be nice to show my kids that there is more to life than what you can buy, and in the world that we're in who's to say my kids will be able to afford much when they grow up? I would hate them to think the world revolves around cash.

Its all something we have to get adjusted to I guess. It did feel so good paying off my Next Catalogue and closing it down last month. If I'm honest it felt much better than ordering all the stuff in the first place lol! I am determined to stick at it, and will have to start turning a blind eye to everyone else and what they've got. My OH doesn't get why I'm so bothered of what other people think of us, he couldn't care less- wish I had his attitude! xx

Ilona

Hi elly, you are going to be the winner in all this, not the other mums. Showing off expensive clothes and bags is such a shallow past time. Look at your own family and think how lucky you are, you don't need to shop for more stuff.

Now is a good time to start teaching your children good habits about spending. I go to car boot sales and see the little ones looking as pleased as punch because they have bought a small plastic toy for 50p. They don't care that it is second hand. You could give your kids say £2 each to spend, then help them make the best choice to get the most for their money. Make it fun, but let them know there are limits on how much they can spend, and when it's gone it's gone. Always use cash when you are out, let them see when your purse is empty. They will thank you for it later on.

Good luck, I wish you well, please don't feel envious of what others have, you are far richer than them because you have turned a corner and are well on the way to debtfreedomness.

yamsteroo

I think everyone probably feels like that sometimes.

I've been working my socks off doing up the house and I'd love to buy all the nice curtains and things to show off the new decor but I have to either compromise for something cheaper or tell myself I'll buy it with cash after my DFD if it's something we can live without until then. But when you're lusting after a Brabantia bin and can only afford a cheapo plastic flip top, 2 years can seem a lifetime away! Bin-envy is a terrible thing

orchid2010

Hi Elly

We have been on a DMP since 2006 and it has become second nature now. I am an avid reader but cannot afford to buy books on my budget and it is just not the same borrowing them from the library as I like to re-read books as well. I felt very proud of myself when I recently earnt enough Amazon vouchers doing Surveys etc to buy myself a Kindle (after using them for Christmas as well). There are loads of free downloads available and I have been in seventh heaven since. It is things like this that keep me going.