Getting the money back?

leanneq

I think you need to just take this is a lesson learnt. My outgoings before food are about 900 a month, which I would guess is about average. So if you work out how much it is to run a house, £8k over two years is cheap!

99Times

It is, but it is still sore to have my money one one way or another stolen when I had offered to pay, and the majority of my money was wasted on other random rubbish and takeaways, rather than a set amount being used for proper bills. Before anyone says it, I know, "my fault" etc. It was only thanks to him I struggled emotionally so much in the first place to not notice

Cornish_piskie

I do sympathise in a way with you OP, but I think if you look at it - on the whole, you've not had to pay out nearly as much as if you were divvying things up a bit more fairly. Without a shadow of a doubt you've earned a valuable lesson - put finances on a fair and even keel and then whatever money is left, yours or his, can be spent in whatever way you wish


I think the stress of trying to recoup this money will not do you much good - I would be inclined to move onwards and upwards! Good luck x

Sambucus_Nigra

99Times wrote: »

If that's so, then I would have been told my name was on it and it infact wasn't.

My first question was 'Were you on this mortgage?' and you said that you don't think you were - and now you are saying in fact you weren't....but you don't get told your name is on a mortgage, you have to apply for a mortgage.

It's hard trying to explain this to you - that if you were not contributing to the mortgage [which doesn't exist now anyway] or rent in lieu of the mortgage - then the money basically covers the money that you should have contributed....

and I'm not sure whether you are being deliberately obtuse on purpose but something here isn't right so I'm out.

leanneq

99Times wrote: »

It is, but it is still sore to have my money one one way or another stolen when I had offered to pay, and the majority of my money was wasted on other random rubbish and takeaways, rather than a set amount being used for proper bills. Before anyone says it, I know, "my fault" etc. It was only thanks to him I struggled emotionally so much in the first place to not notice

Completely understand and do feel for you. But as I say, it's a lesson learnt. I future make sure you stand your ground from the beginning and pay fairly towards household bills.
I agree, put this behind you and move on. You won't get your money back and legally, you're stuffed.

JodyBPM

I would say that £8K is a pretty small price to pay for half of the mortgage, bills and living costs for a couple for a few years.

I can't see any justification in him paying you back that money, unless you also pay him half the living costs that he paid for you over the period. Also, a steady stream of takeaways, petrol bills etc would strike me as living costs, rather than buying stuff for himself - did he eat the takeaways all to himself whilst you ate a sandwich, or did you share? Ditto with the petrol, was it for a joint car/joint journeys/his journey to work to pay joint bills?

I do think that perhaps your mother might have a justification for asking him for money back, but it really depends on what the arrangements were at the time. Did she loan him money for a car or gift it to him? What about the other money she gave him - gift or loan? Have you got paperwork to back this up?

Feels to me this is just a simple bitter ex situation.

Realistically he said you didn't need to pay towards the mortgage and bills, is it OK for him to change his mind now and ask for the money back? You said it was alright for him to use your card for takeaways and petrol, I don't think it is reasonable for you change your mind now and to turn round and ask for the money.

He doesn't owe you anything IMO. Time to move on with your life.

99Times

Sambucus: Like I've already said, I was 17. I don't know the process or anything else about buying houses or mortgages, apart from the fact we chose the house, and I was possibly told I had my name on something. It was 5 years ago, I REALLY can't remember, so no, I'm not being that.

Jody: I never had the takeaways as I'm not a fan and was trying to watch my weight. The car was bought with the intent of him to use, and he was only the driver. I told him we wanted it back, and he reluctantly handed it back. She wants to ask for the £1,000 back from him that they will lose on it, but I imagine his parents will step in and say it was for moving me around the place, despite the fact I didn't drive it.

I haven't changed my mind. I never permitted him to use my card for takeaways or petrol. If he needed money and asked for it, then I had no problem with it. but taking my card while I was asleep, etc, and using it for anything he felt like, was wrong.
I also couldn't change my pin as he had to buy things for the animals and could only do so when I was working.

Thank you to those who've commented and been constructive.

Wilma33

I don't think you can get a mortgage at 18. Get your credit file though and check it isn't trashed.

It sounds to be like you owe him money tbh! Rent, council tax, gas, electric, water, tv licence, insurance, phone, broadband, sky.

Emmzi

99Times wrote: »

I haven't changed my mind. I never permitted him to use my card for takeaways or petrol. If he needed money and asked for it, then I had no problem with it. but taking my card while I was asleep, etc, and using it for anything he felt like, was wrong.
I also couldn't change my pin as he had to buy things for the animals and could only do so when I was working.

Thank you to those who've commented and been constructive.

You gave him the PIN number therefore you essentially gave him permission to use your account. Your card agreement with the bank will state never to divulge your PIN (for your own protection) but you chose to ignore that. Your problem.

You've been daft. We've all been daft over what we thought was love.

Chalk it up. Choose better next time.

And, I haven't seen a reply that hasn't been constructive. It's possible to be constructive and not agree with you, you know...