CSA Please can anyone advise

vicster994

Happy at school as thats where boyfriend is and if you care to read a previous post you will see the reason hubby did not pay as redundancy plus 2 maternity leaves within 4 years.

Wish I was lying and it was all a bad dream. But am afraid her life is very real and very sad.

vicster994

angelbob wrote: »

She's happy at school????????????? Em thought she was being bullied????????????? I don't believe a word you say.
You haven't said why YOUR HUSBAND didn't pay child support for four years?? working abroad and not paying tax, i guess scamming this country and well as his ex wife :think:

How do you know he does not pay tax. He is employed here by a UK employer on a UK payroll.

Mrs.W_2

Having read through this thread in one sitting, I think the OP feels she is in need of a rant, somewhere to let off steam.

That being said, the situations described and redescribed, do seem to be tilted to suit the point you want to make in any given post, OP.

While the support provided by CSA1, and contact issues, are impacting on your life, the care of your SD is the responsibility of your OH and his Ex. If they could come to a private agreement it would be all the easier on you too. Churning over less than complimentary feelings for your SD's Mother, won't help them anyone to improve the lot of your SD.

charlieismydarling

What a vile attitude. Galling as you may find it, as you seem to loathe your sd's mother, your ex must pay his share towards her upbringing. I note he didn't pay when you had two lots of maternity leave. That's fair isn't it? Not.

I almost wish that he leaves and you become a lone parent as you seem to despise them so much and could do so much better.

skibadee

I think its time this thread was closed as posts are getting personal and insulting all-round.

romanempire

vicster994 wrote: »

Ok, Half term I had to get the Police to do a welfare check on daughter as no landline number given. daughter sending depressed texts saying about she has been having sex and mum putting on her on the pill. Ex wife takes mobile away from daughter. Not allowed out of the house all week. Speak to Social services not prepared to do anything until the school raise concerns.

Answered your question.

Find out tonite from grandmother that she goes to school without any food as mother says " I wont do a packed lunch as she never knows what she wants". So no dinner money given and she goes to school with no food. I would prefer our money to pay directly to the school for her dinners.. Not for this cash to be directly in the hands of this woman.

Still as someone has quoated on here "she is doing her best"....

OK, people! Lets focus on what's important here:-

THE CHILDS WELFARE IS PARAMOUNT.

The child is having under-age sex with someone older. That is child abuse. There is a legal age of consent for good reason. Also it appears to be happening with the tacit approval of the mother.

To the OP:-

I assume from your references to the ex as the 'ex-wife' that your husband was married to the ex at the time of the child's birth and therefore he has Parental Responsibility. In that case he should visit his daughters school and find out more about her situation. Perhaps discuss his/your concerns.

vicster994 wrote: »

But we cannot even get to speak to her let alone anything else.

Why not? Is there a court order in place forbidding him from approaching his daughter?

vicster994 wrote: »

One child out of the house by 7 in the morning back at 5 in the evening.

Sounds like there is plenty of scope for your husband to see his daughter after school for a coffee and a chat without the ex knowing. Take the trouble to let her know that her Dad cares and both you and him would be more then happy if the daughter came to live with you both. You will rent a bigger place so she could have her own room.

vicster994 wrote: »

And knowing daughter she does all she can to keep mum happy.

Perhaps because she believes there is no way out. So offer her an escape route.

vicster994 wrote: »

Imagine what the mother would do to her mind if she even dared considered leaving. For one ex wife would lose everything benefit wise.

Is there a Residence Order in place? Even if there is it would be largely irrelevant. At 13 the court would most likely to go with the wishes of the child as, short of holding the child prisoner, an order would be unenforcible. (Unless it could be shown the child was going into danger.)

So with a little bit of preparation on your part and the daughter, she could jump ship and come and live with you. Get her fixed up at a school close to you and rent a bigger place.

If any court proceedings do arise then join FNF, get clued up and represent yourself. You sound like you've got half a brain so you could help him as a 'McKenzie Friend'.

Win Win all round (except the ex). Most importantly the daughter gets a stable and loving home.

It might be difficult at first but with the CSA out of the picture, CB moved over, etc. it might work out about even.

Worth a go for the sake of the girl.

R.

romanempire

Well, that seems to have shut everyone up!!

R.

vicster994

duchy wrote: »

It seems debatable if the OP and her partner are "just over the limit" or if not all income is UK declared and the earnings are higher. This may also explain the huge jump in going from zero assessment to a low-normal assessment level (and how odd it sounded going from benefits as another poster assumed -to been in a position to need a deposit on a house-this is a more understandable scenario Most people after 4 years on benefits would need time to be considered mortgage-worthy-If the OP's boyfriend worked but income was paid outside of the UK it wouldn't be as difficult.

Seems like the OP may have played the system in the past to avoid paying child support and this thread is really about her wanting to continue to do this -Really it's beyond me-My ex was offered the chance to transfer to the US and we talked about it -even down to the logistics of handling access visits as our son was too young for us to be comfortable with him flying alone-and he made it very clear that if he took up the offer just because he legally could avoid paying for his son he wouldn't dream of doing so . He has his faults -but he's a good Father and a decent man-and despite the number of absent fathers and their partners we see here trying to weasle out of supporting their children-I like to think he's in the majority.

How on earth can I of played the system in that 4 years. Cannot you not read...I WAS ON MATERNITY FOR 2 YEARS, WORKED AS A CARER FOR 1 SO COULD BE WITH MY SON DURING THE DAY AND HUBBY WAS MADE REDUNDANT...NEVER PLAYED THE SYSTEM BUT MIGHT NOW IF THE CHANCE CAME UP , MAYBE NOT AS I AM A HARD WORKING MOTHER WHO CLAIMS NOTHING....AND PROUD OF IT

vicster994

romanempire wrote: »

OK, people! Lets focus on what's important here:-

THE CHILDS WELFARE IS PARAMOUNT.

The child is having under-age sex with someone older. That is child abuse. There is a legal age of consent for good reason. Also it appears to be happening with the tacit approval of the mother.

To the OP:-

I assume from your references to the ex as the 'ex-wife' that your husband was married to the ex at the time of the child's birth and therefore he has Parental Responsibility. In that case he should visit his daughters school and find out more about her situation. Perhaps discuss his/your concerns.



Why not? Is there a court order in place forbidding him from approaching his daughter?



Sounds like there is plenty of scope for your husband to see his daughter after school for a coffee and a chat without the ex knowing. Take the trouble to let her know that her Dad cares and both you and him would be more then happy if the daughter came to live with you both. You will rent a bigger place so she could have her own room.



Perhaps because she believes there is no way out. So offer her an escape route.



Is there a Residence Order in place? Even if there is it would be largely irrelevant. At 13 the court would most likely to go with the wishes of the child as, short of holding the child prisoner, an order would be unenforcible. (Unless it could be shown the child was going into danger.)

So with a little bit of preparation on your part and the daughter, she could jump ship and come and live with you. Get her fixed up at a school close to you and rent a bigger place.

If any court proceedings do arise then join FNF, get clued up and represent yourself. You sound like you've got half a brain so you could help him as a 'McKenzie Friend'.

Win Win all round (except the ex). Most importantly the daughter gets a stable and loving home.

It might be difficult at first but with the CSA out of the picture, CB moved over, etc. it might work out about even.

Worth a go for the sake of the girl.

R.

THANKS, nice in theory, but she would never leave her mother....if she feels under pressure enough to throw a birthday card in the bin to make her happy. I doubt she would ever do anything else, she is old enough to say she does not want to leave. I know we will be around to pick up the pieces and hopefully she can pull her life back with enough guidance when she is away from current way of life...but thanks....

romanempire

vicster994 wrote: »

THANKS, nice in theory, but she would never leave her mother....if she feels under pressure enough to throw a birthday card in the bin to make her happy. I doubt she would ever do anything else, she is old enough to say she does not want to leave. I know we will be around to pick up the pieces and hopefully she can pull her life back with enough guidance when she is away from current way of life...but thanks....

Does the girl know its a possibility? Has your husband offered her the option? It might take time for her to gather her courage but keep letting her know the option exists.

All the best.

R.