Oh carp, upset my neighbour

meritaten

she was probably having a great time and your text brought her crashing down! her DD denied any wrongdoing and of course she will believe her. just hang in there hun.
I would have waited until she came home to have a 'word', but that is neither here nor there! her DD was annoying you! you did have a right to tell her - but perhaps the timing and manner was a bit wrong?
its not the end of the world is it? so she is peed off! let her calm down and just go about life as if nothing has happened - that way she can save face and resume normal neighbourly life.

ska_lover

meritaten wrote: »

she was probably having a great time and your text brought her crashing down! .

I agree with this OP, your text probably ruined her long awaited/saved up for holiday!!!

IMO there was no need to text her, it was a non urgent matter and could have waited until she came home, having said that - this text may have come across stronger than you intended - words alone tend to do that.

You can put things right though, give it a day or two, then pop round and try to make light of it - if you can. Last thing anyone needs are problem neighbours, sometimes it's worth keeping things quiet for the sake of a peaceful life where neighbours are concerned.

victor2

I'd go along with most of the responses on here as well.
Text messages, like emails (and forum posts) can easily be misinterpreted as there is no emotion shown.
A knock at the door, OK maybe a loud knock, might have been a better approach, but an apology to the neighbour when things have calmed down could restore relationships to how they were.

WhiteHorse

The neighbour has a bad attitude and her daughter is a pain. How does that get twisted around so that it becomes the OP's fault?

victor2

WhiteHorse wrote: »

The neighbour has a bad attitude and her daughter is a pain. How does that get twisted around so that it becomes the OP's fault?

It's called "give and take" for the sake of good relationships - and not jumping to conclusions.

Threebabes

If it had been my child I would have wanted to know, maybe after my break away.

I think she owes you an apology.

cheepskate_2

See , my way of thinking is- good neighbours are just that, until there is a problem. A lot of people make "friends" to their neighbours as any faults or problems tend to get overlooked because you are friends, such as the op's dog barking.

Now because you have crossed the line, so to speak, and complained about something of hers(when as friends you would normally just accept it) , her resentment about your dog barking rears up.

jackyann

You do get straight answers on this board, don't you?!!!
Something similar happened to me some years ago - my son was inconsiderate of the neighbours (who tried to call round but he didn't hear, then wasn't in) so they put a note through our door.
Not nice but necessary. It didn't ruin our holiday, it explained more fully than is possible in a text, it gave us time to think about a response and discuss with our son.
We apologised, made recompense, son sent flowers and a note, and all resumed.

If this was me, as others have said, I would write, saying that although the original complaint was justified, your text was abrupt. It seems you both have things to "give & take" about, and hope that you can restore good will.

It is definitely irritating when you end up with your justified original complaint submerged by your own thoughtless behaviour! I have been there & done that and am now very careful with my responses!!

krlyr

WhiteHorse wrote: »

The neighbour has a bad attitude and her daughter is a pain. How does that get twisted around so that it becomes the OP's fault?

Life isn't black and white so it doesn't have to be a case of neighbour was wrong, OP was right. Yes, OP has the right to be annoyed at the loud music but I think the way she approached it wasn't quite appropriate, as others have said. A word with the daughter, or waiting until the mother is back, or if she really had to text then something a bit politer like "Didn't realise you were away - just wondered if you could ask your daughter to turn her music down a little bit please as I don't think she realises how loud it is". A bit of tact doesn't go amiss where neighbours are concerned.
OP, look at it from her POV, you said you have a teen yourself, would you appreciate being told there was an issue in the same manner? Your annoyance at her abrupt way of telling you about your dogs barking suggests not.

belfastgirl23

WhiteHorse wrote: »

The neighbour has a bad attitude and her daughter is a pain. How does that get twisted around so that it becomes the OP's fault?

It's not the OP's fault at all in one way - lack of sleep can lead to irritation and maybe handling things in a way that you wouldn't normally - eg sending the text. If you're not tired and cross you'd know that sending the text was a bad idea, but if you are tired and cross your judgement is a bit impaired

But that said, I wouldn't want to be feeling awkward with my neighbour and would at least try to make things up. And the way to start is by apologising for your own role in the problem. Her part of the problem is having communicated the issue badly. So apologise for that. Then hope she has the grace to apologise for the initial behaviour.