Baptism - folks staying over, yes or no?

Bogof_Babe

Please don't feel pressurised by the couple of people who have implied that you should put yourself out for all these rellies. You will be worried about everything working out, and will get yourself totally stressed at the very time you need to feel calm and in control.

If you can offer some degree of hospitality for the Godparents then all well and good, but certainly not great tribes of distant rellies that you rarely see.

I imagine they are angling for this because they see it as a chance to let their hair down and have a good old (possibly boozy) get-together, but you will have far too much going on to be up for that, even if you wanted to.

LondonDiva

Bogof_Babe wrote:

I imagine they are angling for this because they see it as a chance to let their hair down and have a good old (possibly boozy) get-together, but you will have far too much going on to be up for that, even if you wanted to.

Nope, I speak from bitter experience. the boyf & I went to Wales for my Godson's christening, so non-attendance was not an option. All the PILs were in attendance, so there was no room at the house. However, no thought or information was given about information or advice on alternative accomodation, whether it was friends or relatives putting us up or where to start looking for ourselves.

He took a day off work to attend
We £60pp paid for train fares
Spent £75 on presents for baby, mum & dad

After dropping lots of hints about not knowing where to begin to find accomodation, they then realised that we wouldn't be able to nip to and from Wales on the same day and then gave info on accomodation.

Spent £50pp for a night's accomodation
Spent £25 on taxi getting to b&b in rural Wales
Spent £35 getting to the church
Spent £15 getting to the train station

It all left a bit of a bad taste and we felt that we were there as garnish to 'their day' and that there was no consideration or appreciation given to the effort it had taken to be there.

It is your day, but I think that consideration/going an extra mile for those not living on the doorstep and coming to celebrate should never be a problem ~ if you truly want them there.

super41

To the OP, it seems that you have opinions falling on both sides of the camp. To me, you sound as if you are a thoughtful person and have considered carefully your options. I think you know that you can't have people staying - for whatever reason - but you need reassurance you are not a mean or selfish person. You are not! You have your reasons and they are perfectly valid. You need to find the way forward with accommodation. If they are really hard-up then ooffering to pay for the accommodation may be an answer - I don't know your financial circumstances but it may be your best option for a quiet life. If they are unable to locate their own accommodation send them a list with prices etc. to help.

I really hope you are able to do what's right for you and enjoy your special day.

PS hint to them that you are not expecting large gifts - some people think they have to spend a fortune on christening gifts and this may be colouring their decision. Most of my guests gave a small gift or £10-15 which I've put away for my DS. I told them we didn't expect anything, we just wanted their company.

alyth

I can relate to your problem OP in that my brother has just called me and told me about his kid's christening at the end of May, and given me the name of the local hotel to stay in, with advice to book now as apparently they do weddings. Now there is no way I would want to stay with them and inconvenience them on what's an important day to them, although I'm assuming my parents will be staying with them. I would want to stay in a hotel to have my own space, to be able to get ready in peace and quiet, and enjoy the christening. Stand your ground, my brother has invited me to the christening, given me the details of a hotel and the ball's now in my court to make the arrangements and that's as it should be. And, if they're willing to travel to the christening, then surely an extra £40/50 for a B&B isn't outwith their means.

You could always put a tent in the garden and when they arrive point out the sleeping arrangements...... then put the hotel details under their noses!

And one question on this subject- do you have to buy a christening gift? I have no children and haven't heard of that - what on earth do you buy?

seven-day-weekend

I don't think it's unreasoable of them to ask you to help them out.

We went from Spain to the UK for a friend's wedding and his parents paid for a night in a hotel for us AND hired a car for us to get there.

morganb

We had this situation for DS1, but not for 10 people, I think we had 6 people staying over, and it was v. stressful indeed, especially as we all got a stomach bug and I had to entertain after the Christening whilst feeling very poorly indeed.
For DS2, only Grandad stayed over, and we told everyone else that we didn't have the room ... and they were fine about it. Although admittedly some people did head off part way through lunch, but if they want to make a point about it then that's their problem.
A Baptism is a really special day for the parents and you dont' need it to be a stressful experience, especially as it involves a lot of preparation beforehand.
Family should understand this.

Penny-Pincher!!

Timmne wrote:

.... if they're not bothered enough to find their own accommodation I wouldn't want them sharing the day with me anyway!

This seems a little harsh TBH. Maybe they have money problems etc that we dont know about. I dont think the OP has stated that they cant be bothered to find accomadation.

I thought baptism and the meaning was about being christian

PP
xx

Rachie_B

felicity1 wrote:

Sorry, should have said, it goes without saying we would be more than happy to have mil with us. However, we simply don't have the space, nor inclination, to put everybody else up.

I take London Diva's point about providing info regarding accommodation, I have been doing some research anyway but it has already been intimated that folk cannot or will not pay for b&b. Which kind of puts us in an awkward position really. Whatever we do, somebody won't be happy, and I really don't wan't it to be us. That IS selfish, but then, as a previous poster said, it is our day.

thats like blackmail

"If you dont put us up for the night we wont come "type of thing

Thats their loss then

Nenen

Assuming you are regular church attenders, couldn't you ask if anyone in your church was willing to put up some people for you?

felicity1

Nenen, we are new to the area and have just found a church so haven't got to know folk yet, but thank you for the idea, it's a good one.

After a lot of soul-searching, we have come to the decision to have MIL to stay, but we are not putting anyone else up overnight. That said, we will fully understand if folk decide that they simply cannot come, like a previous poster pointed out, attending family get-togethers can prove to be expensive.

In answer to somebody's question about gifts, no, we would certainly not be expecting gifts, I think we just want our nearest and dearest with us on the day to celebrate.

And thank you to everyone who answered my query, it has reallly helped us see both sides.