overwhelmed new member

Coco114

Exactly
Though I have to admit , some flash jewellery & a designer handbag would be handy for selling right now !

One of my little visitors just said to me ..... I love it here on a Sunday morning - my mum would be going mental with the Hoover & housework by now .........
Not sure if that makes me a good Mum or not lol :rotfl::rotfl:

Coco x

maganan

Haha, yeah I've had that one.......think its a compliment. Someone once told me a messy home is a happy home! Sadly the kids heard too so no hope here (and a good excuse)

Mr_Toad

Coco114 wrote: »

One thing I cannot get my head around - I am in a monumental amount of debt , yet , I have nothing real to show for it ?! A clapped out car & a couple of flash TVs ... That's it really - not much else. It's a strange thing !

Coco x

Sadly you have just discovered what the manufacturers and advertisers don't want you to find out. We live in an 'I want and I want it now' society and the things people want are expensive but have no real or lasting value.

A pair of £130 trainers that are simply replaced with the latest pair or simply worn out after a few months. Flash TVs that are obsolete before you even plug them in and people pay huge amounts for them then throw them out because the next new best thing comes along.

It's never ending and they make you think you're a second class citizen if you're not forever upgrading and handing all your money over to them. It's only when people find themselves still paying for the things that are long gone that they start to wonder how it happened.

I'm glad my other tongue in cheek post made you laugh.

As long as you remain positive you'll be fine.

DrunklMunkee

Cor blimey, Coco!! Where do I start? Like so many otherlurkers on the site – I am a long-time reader, but your posts have encouragedme to actually but finger to keyboard (be very worried...this is a long ‘un!).You are doing so very well, juggling all that life & Ex is throwing at you.I started reading your posts yesterday evening, and didn’t get to bed until3.00 this morning! I just wanted to keep reading more and more.

I had my light-bulb moment back in September 2008. Up until then– A lot of things had affected me, my life, my family, my job – and it was thenthat I realised that I was the common factor in all of these, so it was down tome to alter things. Unfortunately, I didn’t discover MSE until some time afterthis moment, otherwise – I think I could possibly debt free right now. At theLBM, I decided that I had to document all of the debts that I had, and so starteda spreadsheet inspiringly called “important”.

What an eye-opener!! There was me thinking that I wasmanaging, when the bottom line figure sat there, staring me in the face (almostflashing) - £63,050.95. I didn’t cry...I didn’t laugh... I just got very angry,..very angry indeed. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t angry with the banks or the loanor credit card companies - I got very angry with myself. I was so angry that Ihad blindly allowed things to get into this state. It was then that I developeda plan – and committed myself to a 5-year-plan, where my goal was to be debtfree by December 2013.

I had no idea that MSE existed back then – so most of thegreat advice that you are getting on this site; I found it all out myself. Butthis site/forum is certainly the place to be for all the tricks of the ‘debt-free’trade.

I have a few things that I have thought whilst reading yourposts, and would just like to share them with you. Hopefully it will help.

1. You mentioned that you/ex paid some quiteconsiderable PPI. You pointed out to the lenders at the time that you couldn’t afford it – butthey told you that you couldn’t have the finance without it. This is the veryreason why the Authorities have ruled that PPI was wrong & unjust. You havea very strong case to reclaim this. I know you mentioned that your ex made aclaim against it – but this does NOT matter. If they agree that you areentitled to a refund, they will calculate exactly what you paid and what waspaid to you & ex. They should then send you the difference.

2. You mentioned that the PPI was in Ex’s nameonly. Well if you speak to the Ex – you can maybe agree to go halves on anymoney received – because you were both responsible for paying for it at the time thepayments were being made. (In fact it sounds like that you were mostlyresponsible for it in the later stages!!)

3. I am not sure if you have covered this – but haveyou looked into getting single person occupancy rates on your Council Tax. I amnot sure where you stand on this – because I do not know if your 18-y-o sonwill count as I think you said he is still in full-time education. I also thinkthis may be back-dateable (again – I am not exactly sure – but if you don’task...you don’t get!)

4. Are you getting the full entitlement of benefits/ tax credits available? Again – this will be down to how son no. 1 isconsidered as he is 18 – but again – if you don’t ask ..you don’t get.

5. I am going to throw this in, but tell me whereto go if it upsets you. But it is alright to cry and allow yourself to getupset about things. I found that I would bottle things up – and feel that Iwould have to deal with things alone. This made me very ill. This site is greatfor venting your frustrations and getting a listening ear. However, are thereclose friends or family that you can maybe talk things through with? Quiteoften I find when I say the words out loud to another person...”I am in debt,and I am struggling”.... just saying the words actually makes it hurt half asmuch and gives you added focus.

6. Again – another observation, so please forgiveme if I have it wrong. I do not think you hate the house. (pause to let thatsink in). I think you hate all the pain and difficulties that the house andyour circumstances have caused. It sounds like you have a wonderfulrelationship with your kids – and it is their and your home. It is a difficultroad to travel to just walk away from the house. I know, because both my Mumand brother have done that. The debts do not disappear unfortunately, and youwill still need to fend off the vultures chasing you for money. Mum &Brother were forced to live in fear that the next knock on the door would bethe next debt collector wanting money. Not a great life.

7. Now to move on to post and debt chasing phonecalls. Like yourself, I was the classic ostrich and would bury my head in thesand. Filing all of the letters that fell through the door in a suitable placewhere they would not stare at me shouting “go on open me – I am gonna make youfell soooo pooh”. My advice would be – do not bother opening all the lettersthat you already have filed for now. Just open the letters that arrive startingfrom now. You already know most of them will be chasing for money. So let’sstart dealing with them starting from now. I actually wait by the letter boxnow waiting for the bills to arrive, so that I can get them paid quicker inorder to get my total debt figure down even further. Now the letters actuallymake me feel better, because as I see the balances dropping – I can feel theweight lifting.

8. Debt chasing phone calls – I believe that youcan request that all contact with you is done through writing. This stopspeople on the phone putting too much pressure on you to pay back their bill.You don’t need that – you have enough to deal with just trying to get all ofthe things straight in your own mind. If you do get called, just explain tothem that you do not want to discuss it over the phone and politely ask them tosend you a letter.

9. I know you do ‘politely’ – you maybe do it toowell !! I have to agree with so many other MSEers on here. You should not beprotecting your ex. You have enough battles to contend with – without the addedcomplication of shielding him from his responsibilities. If he is old enough tolease a car, then he is old enough to deal with his finances. When you startopening those letters that fall through the door and find they relate to his orjoint debts, then make sure that everyone is aware who to chase for the money,and where they can contact whoever it is who should be paying the bills. If youare the only contact – then it will be YOU that they will chase for the money. Evenif this moves one bill off your to-do list. That is extra time and money youcan apply to the other debts.

10. Blimey – I don’t half go on, don’t I ??

11. Your odd bottles of wine. Coco, this isperfectly acceptable. You are allowed to enjoy yourself you know. You are notcommitting to the life of a nun, you are committing to get a hold of your finances,and bringing these into a place where you manage them, and they DO NOT manageyou. With good budgeting and minimal surprises (like your car) – you should beable to budget in some money each week for a bottle of wine/curry for the boysor whatever is the treat for this week. Also, if you use this site fully - theygive loads of great ideas to help you maximise your treats whilst minimisingthe amount you spend. (I particularly like the sound of the A!di wine mentionedearlier in this thread).

12. Survey sites – I too use these, but lately Ifind that they take up more of my time than I would like. I have startedgetting a lot more selective about which survey to complete. What I do find is –that if I just do them and don’t bother to check how much I have made – then itseems to add up a lot more quickly. The ones that I use are Toluna / maximail /survey network. However – I would recommend that you open up a dummy “survey”E-Mail address, because the amount of junk mail will multiply uncontrollably!

13. Don’t forget to sign up to freebie websites.Quite often they will be giving away samples (great for lippys/varnish) – but great to get through thepost. MUCH better than the bills anyway. Also freecycle, this is a brilliantsite to pick up stuff and get rid of stuff (that is not fleabayable), and evenask for stuff. It is usually localised to your area so it won’t cost loads togo and collect things either.

14. I think I will finish now because – I have loadsof things to do – and I would be here all day otherwise! Finally, I am not sureif you like The White Stripes (Not everyone’s cup of tea)?! But anyway – they hadone song that sampled a ‘life-guru’ kind of person. The song is called – ‘LittleAcorns’ and tells the story of a squirrel, and how he breaks his problems downin to small pieces. You can listen to it for free on Sp0tify on your computer,another great free thing!!

When you deal with these smallpieces, one at a time they become much more manageable. It is great to makelists. I am the List-Making guru!! But there comes a time when you have to dealwith them. I have noticed that you have posted lots of lists, but they don’tachieve much, if the top of the list is always ‘make a list’. HaHa – i knowthis all too well! It was always in my list to actually make a list!!!! And Inever got anything done. Start with the smallest problem, get it done, andreward yourself with a cuppa, and 30 minutes on MSE. But then make sure thatyou move on to number 2 (another small task) on the list. These lists arenever-ending, you could sit down all week, and the list would still not befinished. But with one thing crossed off – it gives you more space to give moreenergy to some of the bigger more daunting things on the list.

Right, I think I have rambled forquite long enough, don’t you?

I would just like to thank youCoco. I came onto MSE last night, because I have lost my mojo of late andgetting quite down about it. After reading your thread – it has inspired me togo and look for my mojo and put it back where mojo’s should be stored! You havehelped me so much by sharing your story. I wish you all the best in all thatthe future throws at you. But believe me there is light at the end of thetunnel. Things do get better, and don’t forget that no matter how bad thingsget, if you have nothing, then they can’t take it away from you.

Sorry for hijacking your post –but just to keep you up-to date on my situation – from that £65k debt in 2008,I am now down to £11.5k (wow – that’sover 80% paid!!) and with some savings in place to pay a chunk off this! Mostof the debt is now on 0% balance transfers – so I am saving the money to paythem off when the time comes. That way – I get the interest and not the lovelybankers! Still on course for my target date – but could do with a bit ofovertime to get a few nice things for the family!

Keep at it Coco – I have subscribed to your post and shall drop innow and then to check that all is good with you & yours.

Loadsalove DM x

Coco114

Firstly I am stunned by your post & totally blown away by your , and indeed everyone's kindness on here it means more than you will know.

You are very accurate in most of what you said , in fact all !

Spookily , I was looking at PPI earlier & have filled out most of the form. It's in joint names , but only ever covered Ex as 1st applicant - we never realised this. Whilst the cover has stopped , they are telling me the premiums were spread over the term of the loan which is madness !! Worth a try so going to send off tomorrow.

You are right , I don't totally hate this house it's just the association really , it's not a done deal yet anyway. Let's be honest if I hung on for five years , I may even make some money on it .... But, I cannot (& indeed refuse) to do this on my own.
Re ex, it's sad because I still see the good points - and I keep hoping he will come good so we can both benefit but that's up to him really

I am so sorry I kept you up so late
Are you sure you didn't nod off ?! :rotfl:
It's amazing to see how much you have paid off - now that's a true inspiration in my book !

I will read your post again later when I have some peace & quiet around here ! I love these kids more than anything but they drive me nuts sometimes hence the odd glass wine & emotional melt down. When alls said and done , they haven't asked for any of this but have adapted amazingly well. I maintain (about 95%of the time anyway) that I won't bad mouth their dad ..... That's what I come on here for lol !

Thanks so much for your kind words - please do drop in and say hi & kick me up the backside when necessary

Much love.

Coco x

Barbeduk

:T:TFlip, I also want to say Thank you to Drunklmonkee, that's one on the best posts I have ever read. Fab advice and a mention of the white stripes too!!:T:T
Have had a bit if a carp day so reading this has improved it no end. Off to find sista's diary now.:D

sistafromanothermista

:T Brilliant post DrunklMunkee :T

:wave: Barbeduk

asparagus1968

wow,inspirational post!!

Mr_Toad

DM I think you've earned the right to go on a bit.

great post.

dory22

deeleybopper wrote: »

hey you inspired me too!
cleaned out the car and found £2.09! woohoo.
Gave £1 of it to DS as he helped with the hoovering - trying to encourage my two kids to be savers, they're doing really well with their own money boxes at the mo!

depending on their behaviour i give my nephews pocket money each week (they are 6 and 3) the 6 year wants to by toys all the time and the 3 year old puts his money into a dougnut fund, the kid is a genius! he wants to buy a dougnut shop.
savvy 3 year old!!