What to do BEFORE someone dies

WhiteHorse

Write a comprehensive list of assets, accounts, and so on. Right down to library cards and magazine subscriptions. Include all serial and account numbers, where appropriate.

When someone dies, it's surprising just how much easier this makes things.

crutches

This thread is also useful for those with chronic illneses who need to remember what to hand over/share.THANKYOU.

Armchair23

Having realised how much I had to do after my husband's death, and he considered himself fairly well prepared, I'm making real efforts to smooth the path for my kids when I die.

And the thing to remember is you will die, I'm pretty sure about that, it's just a question of when.

I've obviously got an up to date will, I've given my kids a list with accountants, solicitors details etc., I've organised lasting powers of attorney and I'm trying to slowly trawl through posessions and get rid of anything that is not of monetary or sentimental value.

It's not a big tearful purge just a simplification of admin and disposal of 'stuff'.

I know where I'm being buried (paid for the plot) and there are a couple of things I'm really insistent about (no religion and plenty of drink) but other than that the funeral ( or whatever) is for the people left behind and they should feel free to make arrangements that they can live with and not be bound by any passing notions of what I might want.

I just think we should all be a little more prepared for our deaths you don't need to be all glum and morbid just a tad realistic.

ellay864

I wish this sort of thing had been around a couple of years ago when my ex-SILs dad died. He had a terminal illness but chose to hide his head in the sand. He always controlled everything in the house as he was brought up believing that's what the man did. As he got weaker when their children tried to make sure their mum would be OK, she wouldn't let him change anything as she saw that as admitting he was dying. She literally couldn't do anything. She'd never written a cheque in her life, never changed a lightbulb - they were getting phone calls from her in floods of tears as things that most people take for granted were totally alien to her. It was so sad as she just became a shell of a person, panicked by everything and went into total decline, and never really recovered before she died a year later

Savvy_Sue

I haven't seen explicitly unless I skimmed over it ...

MAKE A WILL! Or update it if you already have one.

Armchair23 wrote: »

I was trying to suggest that car and house insurance could be changed to the spouses name at the renewal due BEFORE death in the case of a known terminal illness. I just didn't make myself clear.

That may be appropriate, but we never really know for sure, do we?

So I'd say to be organised, and make it clear WHAT there is, WHO it's with etc.

And check the list of Direct Debits / Standing Orders on any joint accounts which will just pass to the survivor.

BTW, Dad died over 2 years ago. Last September Mum got the renewal for his credit card protection policy, notifying that the sum due for the next 3 years was about to be taken by DD - it used to come out of their joint a/c so of course it would now just go out of her a/c. She didn't quite get round to doing anything about this until last month, when she showed me the forms for updating the policy - listing cards etc.

I said we should check the policy was still valid, and emailed them. Fortunately they emailed back fairly promptly and said no, policy not valid, they'd cancelled it. I asked them to refund the DD to Mum. They said they wanted a copy of Dad's death certificate and details of the executor's account so that they could send a cheque. I obliged, but said that I didn't really think this was appropriate as it was clearly NOT part of Dad's estate, because now he was dead it obviously wasn't HIS money used to pay for it. They backed down ...

They have now written to my late father, noting that they've cancelled his policy and saying that if he wants peace of mind again he has only to get in touch.

At no point have they offered my Mum a similar policy!

blossomhill_2

Armchair23 wrote: »

I just think we should all be a little more prepared for our deaths you don't need to be all glum and morbid just a tad realistic.

I so agree with you there, at work we adopted the phrase "if the bus gets me ..." and told colleagues useful things like "if the bus gets me tonight please make sure the client still gets this letter posted to them tomorrow" so we could step in if needed, but fight shy of doing the same at home - maybe we should desensitise and say things like "if the bus gets me, my will is in the dresser" or "if the bus gets me here is a list of all my accounts with numbers and contact details" on a frequent basis

BlondeHeadOn

blossomhill wrote: »

I so agree with you there, at work we adopted the phrase "if the bus gets me ..." and told colleagues useful things like "if the bus gets me tonight please make sure the client still gets this letter posted to them tomorrow" so we could step in if needed, but fight shy of doing the same at home - maybe we should desensitise and say things like "if the bus gets me, my will is in the dresser" or "if the bus gets me here is a list of all my accounts with numbers and contact details" on a frequent basis

After doing the house clearance after my dad died (a truly major job) , my main thought about the "if the bus gets me..." type of scenario is...... to try and clear out all the accumulated years' worth of junk and clutter in my own house!
:eek:

The thought of someone else having to go through all my assorted "stuff" is really scary.



Not actually done it yet though....

kissjenn

Hi,

I've had to do this very recently as I've breast cancer and been undergoing chemo, surgery and radio therapy. Highly optimistic I'm going to make it out the other end but as a single mum with an 18 yo son with Aspergers I needed everything in place.

1) Power of Attorney both with financial and enduring clauses. My friend who is a solicitor has this and can make all decisions necessary should I lose capacity either temporarily or permanently.
2) A document dealing every bank account, savings product, insurance, mortgages, company details. This includes approx values, providers, reference numbers, passwords and liabilities.
3) A letter to my Power of Attorney telling him what to do in the event of my permanent incapacity, when I want machines turned off, how I want him to be solely responsible for the decision and not my son or elderly father, how I'm asking a huge amount and that he must never, ever second guess or blame himself....these are my wishes and I am eternally grateful he is carrying them out.
4) Will completely upto date and trustees appointed to help my son.
5) Trustees personally visited and my wishes reiterated face to face so they're not finding out my wishes for the first time when the will is read.
6) Father's will changed to bypass me and give my share straight to my son to reduce Inheiritance Tax.
7) All paperwork sorted and filed so everything can be easily found to minise stress and distress on those left behind.
8) Long face to face session with my son to explain the PoA and WIll. What he's get and who he should contact in any emergency...he's smart enough to follow professional advice and knows I want the very best for him.

After being whipped into hospital with a suspected embollism last week, it was a comfort to know that all this was in place and my son and father protected.

Hope thats of some help.

KJxx

Kaz2904

Another thing which may help is that if there are 2 cars in the family, having one car insured in each spouses name. I'm sure I read somewhere that the insurance dies with the person so it could leave one partner with 2 uninsured cars that they are unable to drive (even home from the hospital). This is something that hopefully would never even be known but it would be terrible if someone were to have a bump on the way home from the hospital and then find out that they weren't insured.

DH and I have got our wills in order, we both know where they are and have given our executors (BiL and SiL) the copy. They know where the original is too. They know that they are to look after the children should we go.
I am the one who deals with all of the finances in the house so I have got a big diary (hidden under the sofa) with the log in details for my online accounts. Everything else is kept in the filing cabinet (which we cleared out in January so only current stuff is in there). I have a control journal (ala Flylady) so that if I drop dead today, DH knows who our dentist is, who the childrens Dr's are. School phone numbers you name it. The calendar is updated as soon as a date comes in so he can just check on there to see what activities the monkeys have got.
I do need to put in a slip of paper which details my death in service benefit or it will go unnoticed.
I have got my work phone number stuck to the radiator in the kitchen beneath the calendar and would hope that it would occur to DH to ring them if I were to die. They would probably know anyway as I would expect to die at work or at least my body be taken to work by the paramedics and I would be recognized.

Perhaps it would be an idea to inform them of things like faceache passwords (If you use that site) or any other passwords so that you could inform their online 'friends' of their demise and close the accounts.
Keep a list of any phone passwords available so that they can unlock your mobile to get contacts for organising the funeral. Ebay passwords in case you have any sales?

Any particular hymns which they would have hated to be played at their funeral?

John_Pierpoint

blossomhill wrote: »

S
For these you musn't wait for them to come up for renewal - the car insurance will become void as soon as they are deceased so you need to contact the insurers asap and take out your own insurance for your own car - until the will is proved you can't even really take over the deceased's car. Likewise the house insurers need to know asap not at renewal

HTH

I think you will find that there is a procedure for keeping the family car on the road and taxing and insuring it, even though the registered Keeper is dead and probate has not yet been granted..

Don't forget that these days all cars need an insurance policy
or a Statutory Off Road Notification (SORN), if you can store it on private land.