What to do BEFORE someone dies

pinkmami

floss2 wrote: »

After having gone through this twice, I am really pleased to see this thread.

I would second all of the above, adding things like:

Ask them to look at all their photos and write on the back who is who - great to identify where that nose came from, or to illustrate a family tree in the future.

Ask about their childhood - what your gran was really like, did Great Uncle Joe really kill that number of baddies in the war etc. I wish I'd been able to ask about my grandad's time in Ireland in the 1920s.

A difficult one maybe, but ask if there are any skeletons that may come out in the future.... I would love to know why my grandparents married less than 3 months before my mum was born, but I will never know.

Above all, tell them that you love them. We don't always tell people, we assume they know, but it's nice to be told while there is the opportunity.

So true about asking about the past. I love nothing more than listening to my nan's tales. Where she used to live in town (since been to see the houses), the public baths she used & paid to borrow soap! The tale about my great great aunt & her affair our of wedlock with an Italian ice cream shop owner which brought embarasment to the family! The doctor who smoked a pipe in their house & told my nan's mum "give her a glass of port to drink every day & she'll live to a grand old age"....perhaps there is method in the madness to tell a 7 yr old to have a glass of port - seeing her grand old age!!!:rotfl:

These are just the things she remembers - has no idea what day it it, how old she is & who visited. The mystery of dementia!!!

Peater

For funeral arrangements, you can buy policies with the various directors ('Dignity' springs to mind) and choose your own coffin, songs, hymns, readings etc etc which can be redeemed upon death. Quite morbid planning your own funeral i suppose, but at least you will have the piece of mind knowing that it's sorted and paid for so your executors don't have to worry about getting it 'right'.

Just make sure your executors know and have/have easy access to the policy documents.

mygirllollypop

My grandad wrote us all a book before he died it was wonderful, all his memories and family tales and lots of old family photo's were put in it, right from when he was a baby up untill the present. Each branch of the family has a copy and we will treasure it forever, I can't wait to read it to my girls when they are older expecially my eldest as she was the first great-grandchild in the family and Grandad was so proud that he had lived long enough to see 7 generations of his family.

Oh makes me a little teary thinking about it!

Passwords is definatly a big one, especially now with all the technology, My parents hadn't thought of this when they went through their wills with me.

zzzLazyDaisy

If the house has been in the family a long time, check where the deeds are.

If the house is registered you can search the address on the land registry site. As long as it is there everything should be fine, but if you want to check whose name the house is in, or if there are any mortgages or loans secured over the house, you can download a copy for about £5 (during office hours).

If you can't find the house on the land registry website, it is almost certainly unregistered land. This means the paper deeds must be somewhere. If there is a mortgage they will be with the lender, so make sure you know who the lender is.

If it is paid for, often the deeds will be with a firm of solicitors, or at the bank, so find out now, because you really do not want to be in the position of trying to sell the house at some future date with no deeds (it can be done, but it is a real pain).

Also, if the deeds are still unregistered and in the sole name of the husband (very common in older, traditional marriages) it might even be worth having the house transferred into joint names in which case the property would then have to be registered anyway. Yes there is a cost, but it will be done then, and when the house comes to be put into the sole name of the survivor, it will simplify matters. So you may wish see advice from a conveyancing solicitor about this, if you are still dealing with unregistered land.

jackomdj

OH's grandad told all his stories into a dictaphone which OH's cousin typed up so everyone could read at this funeral.

If you have anything of value make sure your family know as it may get "thrown" when being sorted.

Keep all your important documents (ins, funeral plans etc) in one place so relatives do not have to hunt for them.

blossomhill_2

Sorry to hear of your loss and administration difficulties Armchair, based on my recent experiences I'd advise the following slight amendments to your advice

Armchair23 wrote: »

Passwords, if your spouse has online banking, billing or things like Paypal make sure you know what those passwords are. It's amazing how difficult it is to deal with some things that have been set up using the web when you don't have all the details.

You actually need a hard copy record of who the accounts are with, and the account numbers - even if you knew the passwords you wouldn't be legally entitled to access the bank or paypal account once the account holder is deceased, other than in a joint account - the executor needs to notify the company and they will deal with the executor and provide a statment

Things like car and house insurance don't automatically transfer to the spouse so if that comes up for renewal it could be worth transferring it into the partners name.

For these you musn't wait for them to come up for renewal - the car insurance will become void as soon as they are deceased so you need to contact the insurers asap and take out your own insurance for your own car - until the will is proved you can't even really take over the deceased's car. Likewise the house insurers need to know asap not at renewal

Simplify anything you can, don't have lots of little savings accounts or subscriptions to things. Each and every one of those will generate letters and bills for years to come.

If you set up a spreadsheet with contact details of all of these for your survivors and your executors can use mailmerge (if they are IT savvy) or just for reference to notify them all.

I sent back all junk mail with "deceased, remove from your database in accordance with Data Protection Act" written across it, in their own pre-paid envelope - saves writing letters and paying for stamps
HTH

Peater

Another thing that certain gentlemen may want to consider is a pact that a friend and i have. Upon our deaths, we have entrusted each other to seize, by whatever means, each others computers and destroy the hard drives.

A) For security
Because i wouldn't want someone like my mother/sister to see some of the 'files' on my hard drive...... Don't want to be remembered as a perv!

Armchair23

Hi Blossomhill

blossomhill wrote: »

For these you musn't wait for them to come up for renewal - the car insurance will become void as soon as they are deceased so you need to contact the insurers asap and take out your own insurance for your own car - until the will is proved you can't even really take over the deceased's car. Likewise the house insurers need to know asap not at renewal

HTH

I was trying to suggest that car and house insurance could be changed to the spouses name at the renewal due BEFORE death in the case of a known terminal illness. I just didn't make myself clear.

floss2

Peater wrote: »

For funeral arrangements, you can buy policies with the various directors ('Dignity' springs to mind) and choose your own coffin, songs, hymns, readings etc etc which can be redeemed upon death. Quite morbid planning your own funeral i suppose, but at least you will have the piece of mind knowing that it's sorted and paid for so your executors don't have to worry about getting it 'right'.

Just make sure your executors know and have/have easy access to the policy documents.

These aren't always the most efficient way to buy a funeral....those dealing with the funeral directors after the death may well find they have to pay extra to have what the deceased wanted. And funerals are not cheap.

blossomhill_2

Peater wrote: »

Another thing that certain gentlemen may want to consider is a pact that a friend and i have. Upon our deaths, we have entrusted each other to seize, by whatever means, each others computers and destroy the hard drives.

A) For security
Because i wouldn't want someone like my mother/sister to see some of the 'files' on my hard drive...... Don't want to be remembered as a perv!

Better still, destroy it yourself now and don't be a perv