Grave memorials - Warning when parent has re-married.

Slinky

This makes me wonder about our family situation.

When my beloved Dad died, his ashes were (eventually) buried in the plot where his mother was buried and where the ashes of his dad and sister are also buried. Nobody asked myself or my brother (who I now don't get on with) about who owned the grave, although the names are the same so I don't see it would have been an issue. Maybe Dad's name was down as the plot owner, if it was I'm not aware. Nobody queried either when I arranged to have the stone updated. The funeral director who arranged Dad's funeral couldn't be bothered to come back to me with a quote for the stone, so eventually I used a completely different funeral director. As far as I'm aware, nobody has asked my brother (he'd never get around to arranging it and I certainly wasn't consulting him) what he thinks about the stone. The local church seem to have just accepted whatever we have asked for. I've also asked in my will for my ashes to go there too and my husband's will be scattered on the grave.

anguk

Sorry for hijacking with a question but how do you find out who owns a grave? My mother died when I was a young child, my father has since remarried twice and I have had no contact with him for about 25 years. My grandmother told me that it was a bought plot? but I don't know who has rights over it.

My grandmother has always visited the grave until she became unable to and I promised her I would look after it, which I do, but I don't know if I'm able to do anything for example the headstone could do with being spruced up and it's a little wonky. My grandmother is now sadly in a nursing home with dementia so I can't ask her about it.

escortg3

anguk wrote: »

Sorry for hijacking with a question but how do you find out who owns a grave? My mother died when I was a young child, my father has since remarried twice and I have had no contact with him for about 25 years. My grandmother told me that it was a bought plot? but I don't know who has rights over it.

My grandmother has always visited the grave until she became unable to and I promised her I would look after it, which I do, but I don't know if I'm able to do anything for example the headstone could do with being spruced up and it's a little wonky. My grandmother is now sadly in a nursing home with dementia so I can't ask her about it.

No one owns a grave in a churchyard.

Cemtery graves someone own the exclusive right of burial only.

Contact your local cemetery and ask how you go about transfer of ownership. Perhaps you could get the forms sent to you and you could forward onto your father for his permission for you to take over.

Anyone can own the grave. it does not have to be the same person who pays the funeral directors invoice. When we did my father funeral my mum arranged everything with the funeral director and the invoice was sent to her but i was the person who put my name down as applying to purchase the grave.

I have now received all the grave ownership papers.

Marisco

onlyroz wrote: »

Exactly. I thought burial, in our modern overcrowded world, was an out-dated concept. I'd rather be either donated to medical science or cremated.

Aye, with one you save a whole heap of trouble, and with the other a whole heap of money!

socks_uk

escortg3 wrote: »

Anyone can own the grave. it does not have to be the same person who pays the funeral directors invoice. When we did my father funeral my mum arranged everything with the funeral director and the invoice was sent to her but i was the person who put my name down as applying to purchase the grave.

Shame we hadn't been warned about it but as the title of this thread suggests... Warning when parent re-marries.

I just wish we had known!

Savvy_Sue

NAR wrote: »

This thread has made our choice to be cremated sounding all the more sensible by the minute.

Ah, but what to do with the ashes? Dad's are in a non-churchyard plot, by a tree which has room for 3 more sets of ashes around it, but we only own those 'rights' for 50 or 99 years, can't remember which.

Still, once Mum's joined him, she won't be in a position to worry, and I don't expect to be around to have to consider whether or not to renew 'our' hold on that tree, which I believe is a possibility.

*Louise*

Gosh, it's all so complicated! OP, I hope your MP is able to help you, it sems awful that you're not allowed to just have a headstone put up!

Hubby and I bought a burial plot and he was happy for it to be put in my name so if the worst should happen between us, I would have the rights to it and could be buried with our DD. It always helps to plan ahead wherever funerals arrangements are concerned, or make sure the info is in a will.

mammyof7 wrote: »

This has really got me thinking. In 1988 my dad died and was buried in what my mother said was a triple grave?? (is that even possible). Fast forward to 2007 and we lost our precious baby son. My son is now buried in the same grave as his grandad. When the funeral was taking place i couldnt but notice this was extremely shallow. However my mother is still adamant that it is a triple grave with room still for her to go!

I'm sorry for your loss x

I don't want to upset you, if you genuinely want the answer to this, highlight the area below. If not, please ignore. I only know because I have been in a similar situation and been told.


If there is a small coffin in a triple plot, it will always be on top once all three burials have taken place (due to weight) So when you mum (or the third person) is interred, the small coffin will be placed on top of the other two. So there was no need for the full depth when having the second funeral.

NAR

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

Ah, but what to do with the ashes? Dad's are in a non-churchyard plot, by a tree which has room for 3 more sets of ashes around it, but we only own those 'rights' for 50 or 99 years, can't remember which.

Don't particularly see the point of burying ashes. My wife and my ashes will be scattered at one of our favourite spots. People will still be able to visit where we are scattered if they feel the need.

Savvy_Sue

NAR wrote: »

Don't particularly see the point of burying ashes. My wife and my ashes will be scattered at one of our favourite spots. People will still be able to visit where we are scattered if they feel the need.

Well, Dad hadn't given any instructions for his ashes, but Mum didn't want them scattered, and she didn't want them on the mantelpiece either. We were all happy with that decision too. There was no particular place to scatter them - he'd probably have liked White Hart Lane but that wasn't terribly convenient - and now we've got a place we can go if we want to.