if only i knew then how i feel now!

~_Dragonfly_~

A friend of mine went through something similar a while back. I told her yes she might be having maternal pangs right now, but to add another baby into an already cash strapped family would lead to more stress and hard times. She already had children, there are plenty that can't even have one let alone a little group of them.

She wouldn't let it go, ruined her marriage and her kids happiness, went into depression, her marriage broke up and now she's miserable. Was it all worth all that pain and losing someone she really loved for yet another child that they knew they couldn't afford and then after that she would have wanted another.......

mummyoftwomonkeys

I think what you are feeling is normal and more than likely you want something because you can't have it. I have 2 children both boys who I adore. We all moved from quite a nice size house to a smaller one (less rent) and to another town and since we moved I have had a desire for another baby and like you everyone around me seems to be pregnant or just had babies one lady I know had her daughter a few days after I had my youngest and is now 4 weeks off her due date. I am 30 now and I keep thinking if I were to have any more I wouldn't want to leave it much longer but as we live in a small house it would mean yet another move and I can't face that. Look at your children and remember how blessed you are. My eldest son has been up the hospital all day he has been off colour a few days and covered in a rash turns out he has scarlet fever although this is pretty harmless now before I knew what was wrong with him I knew just how precious him and his little brother are to me. Although I would have loved a daughter I don't feel that I am any less blessed to have my 2 beautiful sons. Don't let this ruin your relationship just focus on the loving family you have x

onlyroz

Sounds like you want a baby, and not another child. I think you should give it time.

Candy53

It's a pity he didn't have some of his sperm saved. I heard that some men do this incase the couple change their minds and want another baby. As it is though, perhaps he could have it reversed. It would be expensive though.

Candy

property.advert

The bloke in this sounds rather more sensible than the female, taking responsibility when if left to his other half it could screw up what they already have.

Peater

Bangton wrote: »

Aww mate I think that's a bit harsh.~~~~~ Nothing wrong with that. Be fair

Well, there is if, like me, you believe that overpopulation is the root cause of out environmental problems.

Besides, if you are financially stretched with 2, what do you think will happen with a third?

You sound a bit like my friend's g/f who loves kittens. She doesnt particually care for cats, just kittens. So now they have a flat full of cats which is consnatly growing all the time because she keeps buying !!!!!!! kittens!

blue_monkey_2

You are mourning your descision - entirely natural and entirely normal.

I have 2 children and the youngest one has disabilities - I could never bring a baby into this house, even if I wanted one, and he takes us so much of my time - I sometimes think it would be nice to have another baby but it cannot happen. Sometimes we need to accept what we have and be happy with the lives we have - you have (I assume) 2 happy and healthy children, a great marriage, somewhere to live and you can afford to put food on the table. How much of that change if you had another child? You have made a sensible decision because you KNOW in your head that having a baby is not the right decision, but yes of course your heart will mourn not being able to be a mother and father anymore. Everyone around you is pregnant, it happens at times, but just coo over their babies and then be happy that there are no more sleepless nights for you.

I have 2 friends who have had a 3rd child and both said that they liked the idea of it but faced with the reality they were actually happy with 2 children and the life they had.

I do not know how old your children are but I have 16 months between mine, holidays are - generally - tailored for 4, we go to theme parks and have one child each next to us on the rides. We have enough money to have a really, really nice holiday once every 18 months. The kids have a bedroom each. We have a decent car. Look at what you have, look at how things would change for you and then realise that you did, what you had to do, for a reason. After a 3rd would you then want a 4th and 5th? And if you stopped at 3 would you mourn for the 4th child you could not have? Or stopped at 4 and then mourn for the 5th child? It is a vicious circle, but you need to move on else you'll end up with it destroying your marriage too - go for counselling if you need to, it might help to put things into perspective some more.

If you cannot move on from this it will ruin the relationship you have with your husband and possibly your children - for what? Having something you cannot afford and do not *really* want. You only want because you can no longer have, and that is not the right reason to have a baby.

ncsmummy

We have 2 children and DH had the snip when yougest was 2 1/2, I knew it was the right thing for us, both financially and emotionally but....... a few months later I had a phase of being really broody, feeling really sad that the option to have another had been taken away etc. That feeling dd pass though and now as my 2 are in thier not so pleasant pre-teen phase, I am so glad we didnt. They are more than enough for us!!!! My Sister had a baby in November and I love spending time with my nephew, getting my baby fix but I am equally glad to hand him back to his Mummy & Daddy!!! I think you ned to give it a bit of time, and careful consideration!!

Bangton

Peater wrote: »

Well, there is if, like me, you believe that overpopulation is the root cause of out environmental problems.

Besides, if you are financially stretched with 2, what do you think will happen with a third?

You sound a bit like my friend's g/f who loves kittens. She doesnt particually care for cats, just kittens. So now they have a flat full of cats which is consnatly growing all the time because she keeps buying !!!!!!! kittens!

:rotfl:I do find the kitten story rather funny!!!! Though of course not fair to the cats really!

My response though was be fair suggesting her kids would be upset if they knew they weren't enough for her! I think that's harsh

londonsurrey

Why don't you start by putting x hundred aside each month, i.e. the cost of a baby? This way, you'll be living with some of the financial reality of a baby, whilst creating a nest egg for the future, or a reversal operation, therapy, or an actual baby.