if only i knew then how i feel now!

Jollyone

:(Hi I'm a regular user but changed my id as my hubby knows my normal id.

Hubby and I have 2 children. He had the snip 6 months ago after we decided we couldn't really afford any more children. We both regret the decision soooo much and I am desperate to have another baby. I feel so upset. It doesn't help that Everyone around me is pregnant. I just don't know what to do, all i think about is having another baby. I think I'm going to end up resenting him for having it done. (i asked him a few times in the 2 weeks leading up to it not to have it done) I just feel so sad. I love my children but i want to have another baby and have 3 children. I also feel like a rubbish wife because he feels somewhat the same. I'm 85% sure that if he hadn''t have had the snip i'd be pregnant by now. ahhhhh
sorry just need to vent some of my sadness

krlyr

Is it a case of wanting what you can't have? Like going on a diet and then having huge cravings for chocolate, cake, etc. - not because you normally ate loads, but because you're craving "forbidden fruit". If you were pregnant now, would it put a big strain on you financially?
I think the snip is reversible, especially if it's only been 6 months. Plus there's always sperm retrieval/IVF if you really are serious.

FBaby

If it's only been 6 months, he has a good chance to have it reversed successfully. The closer to the time of the surgery, the better. Of course, this won't be paid by the NHS, but if you are both so desperate to have another child and accept you made a big mistake, surely it is worth spending the money and accepting your error of judgement at the time. No need to beat yourself up for it, you did it, it happened, it seemed right at the time, you now need to concentrate on how you want to deal with it.

I read somewhere some years ago that 50% of men having a vasectomy end up regretting it.

Gigglepig

I would get a GP appointment and discuss options

Edited to say - have your financial circumstances changed? If not, perhaps get it reversed but plan no to try again until some years in the future?

BrandNewDay

How old are you? What's your financial situation? You may have plenty of time to work on things and maybe reverse the snip. xoxo

pimento

Have a word with yourself. You've got two children already. How do you think they would feel if they knew you were mithering that they weren't enough. Some people are never happy.

Gah!

Seanymph

How you feel will pass.

I felt the same when my OH and I got together because he couldn't have children any more. I mourned the child we couldn't have really. Then I was fine.

Now I can't believe I felt so strongly about it and I'm pleased we haven't had any more (youngest is 15, the baby would now be 2 or 3) - I can't believe I was so devastated, and had so much want - but I think it was the finality of it, the not being the 'mum' any more, being the 'granny in waiting' really........

But it passed. Truly, give yourself 12 months and see how you feel.

thegirlintheattic

You can get it reversed and the sooner the better the chances are of it being successful.

I think you need to discuss with OH and maybe consider another long-term contraceptive method if you feel this regret will last.

krlyr

pimento wrote: »

Have a word with yourself. You've got two children already. How do you think they would feel if they knew you were mithering that they weren't enough. Some people are never happy.

Gah!

Wanting more kids isn't about the others not being enough, otherwise everyone would have just the one child for fear of insinuating to the first that the second is adding something that they're missing.

meritaten

I had my two children and was happy with that - then I fell pregnant with third child at a lousy time. so, my OH had the snip. I had third child and love him to bits.
BUT - after the snip - and our financial situation improved - I too felt cheated. I got broody for a while as 3rd child was an easy baby until he was six months - after that I got the baby from hell! and was so glad there was no danger of me getting pregnant again. I know I couldnt have coped with another baby - didnt stop me going gaga at other peoples! just love babies! I also realised that I HAD been happy with my two kids! So I think there was an element of 'I cant have it so I want it'. But, would I have been happy with three? or wanted four or five? looking back that would have been totally irresponsible of me. we struggled financially with three. I also had the baby from hell - and my first two felt neglected because he took up all our time and there didnt seem much left for them!

Bangton

pimento wrote: »

Have a word with yourself. You've got two children already. How do you think they would feel if they knew you were mithering that they weren't enough. Some people are never happy.

Gah!

Aww mate I think that's a bit harsh. I don't think that is what the OP is saying at all..moreso she adores the children she has and wants to enjoy another baby/child. Nothing wrong with that. Be fair