Two Under Two! What do you wish you had known?

Winky,_The_House_Elf

When my DD was born 14 months ago I got fantastic advice on this part of the forum about being a first time Mum.

Now doing it all again (Due in September:j) As the title suggests, what advice do you have, or wish you had know when you have two under the age of 2?

Thanks!

Winky x

cyclingyorkie

That your second child won't necessarily sleep as well as your first!

Someone said try to spend half an hour quality time with the eldest each day - it's so worth it!

As DS (born whenDD1 was 16 months) inevitably wanted feeeding at DD1's bedtime we decided not to do guilt and gave him a bottle then ( the rest of the time he was breastfed) - which meant I could do DD1's bedtime story at least some of the time!

We ended up with age gaps of 16 months and then 21 months ( and all were c-sections!).

Just remember that after 2 you run out of available knees....;);)

Seanymph

Sleep whenever you get the chance, don't turn down any offers of help, and be nice to yourself - it gets easier.

Beware of making the elder 'responsible' for the baby. I didn't wise up for years, and it's caused problems throughout. You are all 'mind the baby' and 'give it back to the baby' and 'did you drop that on the baby' and 'wait, I'm feeding the baby'............ and before you know where you are the baby is two, and bright enough to work out every time she cries her big sister has to hand over the toy she's playing with!

Now they are 17 and 18 and I'm wiser - but the older still gives into the younger all the damned time and it's completely my fault (and their default personalities of course) - whereas the younger is happy to ask for things and act like the world revolves around her, her big sister waits her turn.

It's hard to be even handed when one is a toddler and one is a baby (my toddler had to walk at 2, 'the baby' was still in the damned buggy at 4 because it was easier!) - but I would say keep one eye on 'fair' from a very young age - 'the baby' will be a teenager before you turn around, and they are brighter and quicker on the uptake at a younger age than you think - the baby can wait too.

Also encourage them to have different friends - it's ok if one misses out and doesn't go to the party and one does. It's hard when they are at the same playgroup/school and have the same friends - but it's important that you don't force one to take the other.

The upside is that as they get older they will both be at the same level/adjacent swimming lessons, and if you go, say to a theme park they will both be on the same rides...... and now, mine both go to the same parties - in fact they are at the same college both doing A levels (although in different subjects) - but they struggle to be seperated still.

Good luck. You are very blessed. I wouldn't change mine for an instant - it's so much easier that they are both at the same stage.

Caroline_a

I had 2 under 2 - all grown up now though. One of the things I would say is that people often think (as mine are both girls) that they are non-identical twins - not helped by my mother dressing them alike!

I quickly realised that mine were as different as chalk and cheese, one was serious and academic, the other more social and chatty. They also either loved each other to bits... or fought like cat and dog! Now..? they both have excellent, well paid jobs, despite neither going to uni. And they are very very close, despite there being a big geographical difference.

What else? If there was scrapping/bad behaviour both got punished. Often you couldnt see who started it, so it was easiest to punish both - and they got bigger punishments for lying! What did it teach them? I think it taught them teamwork..;) but also to admit their faults and wrongdoings.

Would I do it again? Well no, not at my age :rotfl: but at aged 26, I have to say I really don't remember it being all that difficult!

RedBern

don't beat yourself up if the place isn't tidy - as long as it's clean it doesn't matter, and grab some sleep whenever you can.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

My mother - who had 2 under 10 months and then 4 under 5 at one point, said she wished she had known:

that there had been a way of preventing it happening, short of divorce.


And that it doesn't matter how close they are in age, they are all different.


ETA: just remembered. Be prepared for speech problems, because they will understand each other perfectly, whilst all the health visitors, grandparents and random women in the street will be saying there's something wrong as the baby doesn't need to learn to speak clearly - or at all - with an elder sibling to do it for them.

Seanymph

Jojo is right and I forgot - my youngest didn't speak until she was 4. My eldest would anticipate her and speak for her - and I got so I was too.

So yes, the younger one doesn't need to speak with an older sibling to run around after her.

Amanda65

• That it is ok to close your eyes to the dust and dirt and sit and cuddle both children on the sofa with books and singing songs.
• That it is ok to let the baby cry when you are sorting the older one out - you don't have to jump up every time they murmer like you did with the first
• That it's good to spend some quality time with the elder one when the baby is asleep, rather than catching up on housework
• That you can involve the elder child in 'helping' by getting nappies etc. for you, but don't make then your slave!
• And finally that when you elder one tells you s/he wants the baby to go back, they don't really mean it

I have 2nd daughter 12 days before eldests 2nd birthday and although in some ways it was tough, the second baby was so much easier than the first as I knew what I was doing.

Molly41

I had two lots of 2 under 2 - well 4 under 5:eek::eek::eek:

Now they are 21,19,17 and 15.

Really enjoy them and their interactions.
Forget the housework and play.

They do grow up so quickly xx

Winky,_The_House_Elf

Thank you so much, some great advice!

All the comments about housework remind of my favourite poem from when DD was born, it still makes me feel all soppy!

I hope that my child, looking back on today
Will remember a mother who had time to play;
Because children grow up while you're not looking,
There are years ahead for cleaning and cooking.
So, quiet now cobwebs, dust go to sleep.
I'm nursing my baby, and babies don't keep.


Love this it reminds me of BF her in the middle of the night surrounded by chaos, but thinking that it didn't matter, she was the most important thing in the world. Gawd I'm getting all teary! Damn hormones!

Teenie_D

My advise, and advise I got before I had DS, is just enjoy your second one. With DD I was desperate for her to reach her milestones and would get concerned when she wasn't doing what I thought she should be doing but with DS I am so much more chilled out and really, really enjoy him, the time goes in so much quicker 2nd time round and I feel his babyhood is passing me by

I was determined not to get into the same bad habits that I did with DD and he is a great sleeper and has been since he was just a week or 2 old (with the occasional blip which is to be expected ).

Congratulations and all the best xx:)