cemetary, council and removal of personal obejcts from grave.

Person_one

Errata wrote: »

I've never been able to understand the point of 'mementos' on a grave. Better to ensure the dear departed was given lots of nice stuff when they were alive and could appreciate it, surely.

If I'd had more than 2 days warning before the death of a beloved 21 year old, or many more years with them as they grew older, then there would have been lots of chances. As it is, now there's just a grave and I feel a visceral anger towards anybody who dares tell people in grief how they should express their feelings for their lost loved one.

If I go to her grave and someone else who loved her has left a little memento that she would have liked while alive or that reflects her personality, I am just happy that someone thought of her and took the time to do something for her. If I'd arrived to find her grave in the incredibly disrespectful state in those photos (the freshly dug topsoil makes it look alarmingly like the day she was buried) I'd probably be completely winded and in tears on the grass. Its an awful thing to do.

But then, she was an adult, so there's really no need for any unseemly grief, is there?

Person_one

georgiesmum wrote: »

When we go to my sister and bil grave we take fresh flowers and tidy the grave. Ivaribly we have to move plastic flowers that the son and dil leave. Really tacky. They do it because (they said )they only go once a year and they want the grave to have flowers on it. I think the councils are right to impose a law against all the stuff that is put on graves. They have to continually move things to mow the grass. takes them twice as long.
It's a recent epidemic as is laying flowers at a road accidents. It's gone way over the top and i can't see how it helps with the grieving. The dead don't need material things.

How dare you take it upon yourself to decide that what a son puts on his parents grave is wrong? :mad:

shellsuit

Person_one wrote: »

How dare you take it upon yourself to decide that what a son puts on his parents grave is wrong? :mad:

I really can't believe people are that ignorant, that they would give a fig what other people do, with regards to grieving for a loved one.

As for moving things that others have put there, because they're not to their taste...I haven't even got a reply for that because I didn't think people would be that petty.

Let the dead rest in peace an don't cheapen their grave with gaudy 'shows of affection'.

Let the dead rest and their loves ones grieve, how THEY see fit.

Better still, get a life, while you still have one to live!




I'd be gutted if I'd found a loved ones grave like in the pics on this thread.

What happened to having respect for the dead?

meritaten

Person_one wrote: »

How dare you take it upon yourself to decide that what a son puts on his parents grave is wrong? :mad:

Person_one - thats exactly what I THOUGHT, but didnt say.

meritaten

meritaten wrote: »

Person_one - thats exactly what I THOUGHT, but didnt say.

One mans treasured memento is another mans Tacky Tat.
Who are we to decide which is which?

lol - I must be more frazzled than I thought - fancy quoting MYSELF instead of editing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Welshwoofs

meritaten wrote: »

One mans treasured memento is another mans Tacky Tat.
Who are we to decide which is which?

The answer is graveyards which cater for the more personal grave decorations rather than them unhappily co-existing along with traditional graves.

Whilst some may think it's absolutely appalling that anyone could dictate what someone puts on a loved one's grave, it's also the case that the loved ones of neighbouring graves have just as much of a right not to be disturbed by a grave that's highly decorated. IMO that's especially true if the decoration infringes upon other people, either audibly/visually or, as an example, the decorations aren't fastened in place and blow around the graveyard when there's a strong wind.

Decorating graves with personal items I think is a fairly new thing in the UK and probably many graveyard regulations were not created to cope with the fashion and therefore are having to be updated. It seems to me that it'd behove them to outline extremely clearly what is allowed and not allowed and, as I said, perhaps provide graveyards where the regulations are laxer (always providing items are tethered down and don't pose a health and safety or environmental hazard)

Person_one

Welshwoofs wrote: »

The answer is graveyards which cater for the more personal grave decorations rather than them unhappily co-existing along with traditional graves.

Whilst some may think it's absolutely appalling that anyone could dictate what someone puts on a loved one's grave, it's also the case that the loved ones of neighbouring graves have just as much of a right not to be disturbed by a grave that's highly decorated. IMO that's especially true if the decoration infringes upon other people, either audibly/visually or, as an example, the decorations aren't fastened in place and blow around the graveyard when there's a strong wind.

I agree absolutely that things should never spill over to other graves, but I'm afraid if you just don't like the way the neighbouring grave is tended, well, that's life.

You might not like the way your neighbours keep their garden either, or the way they decorate for Christmas, but just worry about yourself and your own spaces, you can't control everybody else's to make them to your liking.

I'm surprised to see you care about how people look after their loved one's graves anyway Welshwoofs, as unless I've got you mixed up with another poster I seem to remember you once arguing for your right to let your dog p!ss on people's headstones, which in most people's eyes is a lot more tasteless and disrespectful than a few plastic bits and pieces.

lostinrates

Welshwoofs wrote: »

The answer is graveyards which cater for the more personal grave decorations rather than them unhappily co-existing along with traditional graves.

Whilst some may think it's absolutely appalling that anyone could dictate what someone puts on a loved one's grave, it's also the case that the loved ones of neighbouring graves have just as much of a right not to be disturbed by a grave that's highly decorated. IMO that's especially true if the decoration infringes upon other people, either audibly/visually or, as an example, the decorations aren't fastened in place and blow around the graveyard when there's a strong wind.

Decorating graves with personal items I think is a fairly new thing in the UK and probably many graveyard regulations were not created to cope with the fashion and therefore are having to be updated. It seems to me that it'd behove them to outline extremely clearly what is allowed and not allowed and, as I said, perhaps provide graveyards where the regulations are laxer (always providing items are tethered down and don't pose a health and safety or environmental hazard)

The further complication, as the post which upsets some has made clear, is that some of those greiving for the same person cannot agree either.

I think the issue also to consider is that some of the scenes refered to make me wonder if the greiving is stopping people from moving forward with their lives.

Perhaps a solution might be to have a personalisiong period.....say eight weeks, at which point the family can collect goods and replac with agreed lawn/stone as required.




Fwiw, there is a process where you can be made in to diamonds from your ashes. I want that to happen to me, then for those to be made into shirt studs for dh's evening shirts, so he can still take me out in the eveing, and in the evnt he goes first he is going to be earrings.

The rest f my ashes i would like to be in a woods or nature preserve i think, and would like it to be a place where people can dog walk, have picnics and see beautiful natural things.

Person_one

lostinrates wrote: »

Perhaps a solution might be to have a personalisiong period.....say eight weeks, at which point the family can collect goods and replac with agreed lawn/stone as required.

8 weeks? I'm sorry to say this because I usually hate this kind of comment but I can only assume that you've never lost anybody you truly love, as in my experience at 8 weeks you're only just lifting your head and realising that the sun still rises and sets every day, if that.

londonsurrey

It's beginning to sound like really, a cemetery place should be chosen with the same considerations as a house purchase - you don't just look at the plot, you have to look at the neighbourhood too.

In the cemetery I'm most familiar with, there are sections where plots cover something like 8 foot by 28 inches, and you can decorate/build/plant as you wish, with certain provisos about the edges of the area to facilitate general grounds maintenance.

There is also a "lawn" area, where you can only decorate/plant in the 18 inches from the headstone. There is currently an ongoing thing where a woman insists on planting much further than that. The staff have been very patient, repeatedly explaining to her and her large threatening son about the 18 inch rule, and removing the plants, but year in and year out, they keep trying to treat it like the large plot section, planting up a large area of several feet around the headstone.