Real life MMD: My hubby earns more. Should he pay more of joint bills?

elvis86

Diane1961 wrote: »

Absolutely not. A deal is a deal, would you be prepared to be expected to pay more if you were suddenly the one earning more?

If I found the roles in my relationship reversed and I was earning twice as much as my OH, I would absolutely expect to pay twice as much towards the bills as he did. I wouldn't just expect to, I would want to!

Diane1961 wrote: »

My advice to couples is always the same - 100% individual responsibility. Separate accounts for earned income, joint account for all joint income and household bills (+ contingency money, planned household improvements etc.) 50:50 in each on pay day. The rest is your own money, to fritter or save as you wish.

I just can't comprehend how, if you loved someone, you would happily see them contribute what might be 90% of their income towards joint expenses, whilst only contributing 30% of your own, for example.

If I knew my OH was left with £100 a month spending money whilst I had £1000, I'd feel awful. I love him, I don't want him to go without anything. I certainly wouldn't see him short if I was comfortable with money to spare.

Diane1961 wrote: »

If you have expensive tastes you can indulge them guilt free, if you are frugal you reap the benefit, if you want to save for a family benefit then do so freely.

This is interesting, so one person decides to save for a family without consulting the other or expexting them to contribute? Do they need their partner for the conception or do they arrange that themselves too..?:cool:

Traveller1981

michaelbella wrote: »

I take home 60% more than my girlfriend does, and we split the bills in the following way:

Food, Council Tax, Electricity & Water get's split down the middle.

Sky (TV, Phone Internet) and Rent is split 2:1

After the deductions, this leaves me with roughly an extra £300 more a month than what she ends up with. We both live relatively comfortably, and I use this extra £300 almost every month to save for a mortgage as currently she does not earn enough to save anything after all of her out goings.

Personally, I would expect to pay more, and even after the countless times my lovely girlfriend has offered to pay more, I wouldn't accept it, unless of course shehad a substancial wage rise.

Looking to the future, when we are happily married (one day I hope - no proposal today!), I would still expect us to both put all bills money from our own account when we get paid, into a joint account as we do today, and what is left over is our money to spend.

I don't think there is 'his money/her money' it's more of a case of what is left over is yours to enjoy. If one month I want to buy myself a new TV or some clothes, I wouldn't expect her to pay half as it's my choice to buy these things, and that is why I think that you should have your own money. And when kids come along, I would simply transfer more money into the bills/joint account that we have an everything can come out of that.

Well said.
The individual purchases are one of the reasons that this works best for us too. I spend A LOT on gadgets and stuff, and would never expect for any of her money to have to pay towards it. She still gets to use it all, and often more than I do, but I am happy to pay for it, as it is specific things that I want, that I know she would happily do with out.
I could never have bought half the stuff I have, had we had a sole joint account. Spending £2k on a TV, £500 every time a new iPhone comes out, iPad, surround sound, laptops, £1500 on a mountain bike etc I would feel so bad about it coming out of joint money, but with my own money, I can go months and months without spending anything and then blow loads on big stuff. She gets to use it all, loves that we have it, and I am happy to buy it for us both to use.

guidarufino

elvis86 wrote: »

I think people are getting bogged down a little in the specifics of where wages get paid to and whether there is a joint account etc.

What's actually being questioned here is the principle, and as I see it there are 3 options that various people sign up to:

1. A couple pool all income and everything is paid for from that account.
2. A couple split all outgoings (eg mortgage, bills) equally and retain the remainder of their individual income as disposable income (regardless of any differences in income).
3. A couple split all outgoings (eg mortgage, bills) proportionatly to their incomes, and retain the remainder of their individual income as disposable income.

So if Jack earns £1000 per month and Jill earns £2000, and their outgoings (eg mortgage, bills) total £1500 a month, dependant on the approach they adopt, the following will be true:

1. After bills Jack and Jill have £1500 to spend between them (ie £750 each).
2. After bills, Jack is left with £250 disposable income whilst Jill has £1250.
3. After bills, Jack is left with £500 disposable income whilst Jill has £1000.

To me, options 1 and 3 seem fair. My personal preference is probably option 3 where both people work full-time (as my OH has a more demanding job, I'm comfortable that he should have more disposable income than me), or option 1 where one person doesn't work or works part-time.

Option 2 however, just doesn't seem fair at all.

Very well summarised. Option 3 does seem the fairest but, speaking as the one who has earned more than their OH in the past and will continue to do so, it's not that cut and dry.

My ex and I bought a house together (never married) and I paid a higher % of the mortgage because I earned about twice as much as he did. But we split the bills 50/50. Which caused no end of problems when we split up, let me tell you! I suppose if we'd been married, it would have all been different.

It does feel fairer that the person earning more should pay more but I also think they should have more left in their pocket after bills have been paid. I can't ever see myself having completely joint money. I think having one joint account that you both put however much money into and all the joint bills come out of makes sense. But whatever is left of my salary after mortgage and bills etc have been paid should, imho, be mine. I worked very very hard and took a lot of risks to get the salary I earn today and it wouldn't feel fair to ask that we should both have the same amount of free cash left over (if any!) at the end of the month. Whilst it's true that being married makes you one entity legally speaking, I think it's really important to have your own money and independence. I would hate to have to clear it whenever I wanted to buy something for myself with the OH and I'm sure he'd feel the same.

The one principle that does apply across the board is that money is the singlest biggest cause of divorce and communication and honesty are vital. The OP needs to have a proper chat with their OH to hammer out a proposal that they're both happy with. The only opinions that really count in this are theirs at the end of the day. My OH and I don't live together yet but we've agreed that before he moves in, we're going to have a long talk about all the boring practical things that couples usually end up rowing about, e.g. money and chores. I might have to post a dilemma thread myself about it closer to the time as it will be really complicated!

Traveller1981

BNT wrote: »

But if you are married, 'paying your own way' is a vague concept. When we go on holiday, we don't have a cost for me and a cost for my wife and a cost for the children. We have a cost for a family holiday. I don't buy a phone that I can afford out of my personal disposable income, as I would if I were single. I buy a phone that, as a family, we can afford. We don't get seperate checks at dinner and pay our own share; we have a meal and pay for it.

As a family, what we buy and what it costs is not determined by which bank account or credit card is used to pay for it. I don't think it is particularly relevant who earns what.

That would not work at all in my house. My partner is happy with a simple phone, whereas I must have an iPhone. I couldn't take out £500 from the joint for my phone, and £50 for hers and not feel guilty. I am happy to pay for this out of my own money, so I do, and then she usually gets my old one at no cost.
All meals out are paid for with our joint credit card which is paid at the end of the month from our joint account, holidays are paid for equally by both of us. You don't have to have one account to make things fair or pay for things as a "family".

BNT

Traveller1981 wrote: »

You don't have to have one account to make things fair or pay for things as a "family".

But that's my point. Who earns what doesn't make much difference to what a family buys. You can have a joint account or seperate accounts, but in the end, you're buying the same things. A joint account can help people stop looking at his money and her money, but couples are quite capable of doing that with several accounts. If I had my own account it wouldn't mean that I suddenly have more money to spend on things I want (as I earn most of the money in our family). The household income and therefore our disposable income is still the same regardless of whose account it sits in.

elvis86

BNT wrote: »

But if you are married, 'paying your own way' is a vague concept. When we go on holiday, we don't have a cost for me and a cost for my wife and a cost for the children. We have a cost for a family holiday. I don't buy a phone that I can afford out of my personal disposable income, as I would if I were single. I buy a phone that, as a family, we can afford. We don't get seperate checks at dinner and pay our own share; we have a meal and pay for it.

As a family, what we buy and what it costs is not determined by which bank account or credit card is used to pay for it. I don't think it is particularly relevant who earns what.

This is a discussion about principles though. Yes, of course in reality most people don't even give consideration to the finer details, they just get on with it. I don't think twice about picking up more food shopping and most toiletries/household stuff. Similarly, OH picks up the bill for dinner more often than I do. Swings and roundabouts.

But then by the sounds of it, there are some people who are very much "my money and his/her money". I know of a couple who literally go to a bar seperately when we're out and will remind each other in company about "that £3 you owe me for so-and-so". I also know a couple who keep receipts for any food/household stuff they buy and sit down monthly to work out the difference and whether one owes the other. Personally I find it excruciatingly embarassing. I wouldn't treat a friend like that, let alone a partner! But maybe it works for them.

The discussion here is about the principal; how do 2 people in a relationship with joint outgoings split them? Is it fair that where one person earns a lot more, bills are split 50/50 and the low earning partner ends up with a low percentage of their salary as disposable income, whilst the high earner ends up with a high percentage of their salary.

If, where people have said "We split bills 50/50 and keep the rest of our money for ourselves, because that's fair", the higher earner actually makes up for the inequality by buying all of the food or paying for all the holidays, then they've just not explained the way they split outgoings accurately.

Either that or it somehow makes them feel better to look at things like they hold onto "their" precious hard-earned money and their OH doesn't get their mits on it. Even if, in reality, they spend half of it on things for their OH anyway!

abcdenicola

Are you sure you're married? It sounds as though you and your husband are still single, with your 'mine' and 'his' mentality. There will be times in your married life where one will earn more than the other... we don't know what fate hold for us around the corner... but I think that if it's a marriage for life, the funds should be considered 'Ours'. Once you can see yourselves as each contributing what he/she can towards building your future together, these considerations that you pose will be easier to overcome. Best wishes for a happy future!

Cuidadosa

Traveller1981 wrote: »

That would not work at all in my house. My partner is happy with a simple phone, whereas I must have an iPhone. I couldn't take out £500 from the joint for my phone, and £50 for hers and not feel guilty. I am happy to pay for this out of my own money, so I do, and then she usually gets my old one at no cost.
All meals out are paid for with our joint credit card which is paid at the end of the month from our joint account, holidays are paid for equally by both of us. You don't have to have one account to make things fair or pay for things as a "family".

Well, I'm at the other side of your situation. My partner loves his gadgets and I'd never even dream of having to control him (although I admit I tend to try a bit of moneysavingexpertise on him - mainly for better deals on what he wants) but it'd definitely p**s me off if he was buying them from our joint money (we contribute 50/50 to a joint account for expenses). I like his freedom, as I like mine: outside of essentials that we both are going to enjoy (be it the house, food or a new couch) one works to earn money, and it is your RIGHT to spend it as you like it (as I just said, outside of RESPONSIBILITIES).

Now, it's this contribution to the responsibilities the one up to debate by the OP I think.

Triple_S_2

:money: Let me get this straight, you think it's unfair you pay 50/50 towards the bills because he earns more.. Yes?

So if he pays more does that mean you will then use less of whatever he is paying for? afterall it is about fairness so if he's paying more he should have more use of the elec, gas heating, food etc than you as your paying less.. :eek:
Or how about if he ditches his job now & gets one where he earns the same as you, problem solved & will you then make sure you pay your half everytime you go out ? :cool:

Will that make you happy as it'll be all fair & square then... just to be safe I'd draw up a contract as the marriage certificate seems meaningless in this relationship based on 'what am I getting'. :embarasse

Cuidadosa

abcdenicola wrote: »

Are you sure you're married? It sounds as though you and your husband are still single, with your 'mine' and 'his' mentality. There will be times in your married life where one will earn more than the other... we don't know what fate hold for us around the corner... but I think that if it's a marriage for life, the funds should be considered 'Ours'. Once you can see yourselves as each contributing what he/she can towards building your future together, these considerations that you pose will be easier to overcome. Best wishes for a happy future!

I'm fine for you to consider everything "yours", but for people like me or my partner: it just doesn't work.
And that's when the % comes in: if you earn less at a given time, then the % contribution will be less...
And most of us here agree that this discussion is about a stage in the relationship where both are working, there are no children and there is a difference in earnings (many have said 50/50 without mentioning if there is a difference in their salaries: if there is none, this is effectively applying the % rule!)