Real life MMD: My hubby earns more. Should he pay more of joint bills?

Victoria270385_2

thank you aintshesweet

elvis86

aintshesweet wrote: »

Now I'm not married - and nor do we have kids - nor do we own a property.

I've been living with my OH for 3 years now, okay, not a huge amount of time, but as a first step in the relationship, going 50/50 in the finances worked for us. AS A FIRST STEP.

We've had pretty much the same salary (it's grown a tiny bit for both of us) the whole time.

We got a joint account last September to make bill paying easier. It's actually harder to balance the books now (mainly for food because most things are a set amount) because expenditure is all over the place and I'm not just accounting for where I'm spending the money now.

We still have separate accounts for our salaries to be paid into. I would never give up the financial freedom I've worked for. I know if anything happens the savings I've made are all mine.

Also - I love my boyfriend but hate his smoking and don't want to pay silly money to tar up his lungs. I also don't really agree with spending £50 on rounds of drinks instead of just paying for your own :mad: Our spending habits are way too different (he doesn't know how to budget) to come out of one account. I would continually want to throttle and lecture him for spending £5 on lunch everyday (yet moan that he's broke at the end of the month...).

It's much better for us that he can be free and easy with his money (until he's broke) and I can spend or save as I see fit.

He has been irresponsible with money in the past but has been faithfully paying back his bank loan - this means he has less disposable income than I - but this was his debit, not mine, and he won't learn the value of money and living within our means if he doesn't learn to budget and pay what he owes. It's a valuable lesson, one he has been paying for for 3 years.... it's not a cheap lesson but I've already learnt it and don't need to pay for it

Paying someone else's loans/debts for them doesn't do them any favours long term (unless it's the type that they'll get broken knee caps for).

It works... for now... but no one is saying that one household finances model will work forever... if it's works today and tomorrow, that's okay. You can always adapt it later to fit different circumstances (which of course we would if one of us got a larger salary or company car or we made babies etc.).

Your situation sounds almost exactly the same as mine (right down to OH buying rounds of drinks, which I have no objection to when rounds are bought back, but he would want to buy every round all night!).

The only difference with my OH and I is that he earns twice as much as me. He wouldn't want me to be short of money, so I pay 1/3 and he pays 2/3.

Similarly to you, a lot of his disposable income is currently eaten up by debts that he ran up prior to meeting me (mostly for the benefit of his ex and friends who took advantage of his good nature), but that's an important lesson for him to learn.

mrcol1000

We don't split each bill 50% but we do each pay for certain things. So I pay council tax, mortgage, phone bill, water and house insurance. She pays for all grocery and food, pet insurance and electricity/gas. I pay a bit more but I earn more. This all came about as we use to split grocery food but while I was happy with cheap basic own brands she insisted on well known brands. We also have our own bank accounts but do have a joint account that we both regularly pay into and once it gets to a high amount get something upgraded or improved in the house.

elvis86

Victoria270385 wrote: »

excuse me! he pays £35 CSA which he has to pay....he also spends money on him when his child needs it/wants things and has him every weekend where we do things together etc...who are you to judge my husband! I do not mind our money being spent on his child when he is at our house for clothes or treats/days out etc but i dont see why i should pay for his upbringing. that was my point....not for you to belittle how much he pays

I'm just saying that I'd be ashamed if my financial contribution to my child's upbringing was barely more than I spent on cigarettes.

Victoria270385_2

thats what is set by CSA, that doesnt mean thats all he pays...sorry for getting stroppy

BNT

elvis86 wrote: »

I think people are getting bogged down a little in the specifics of where wages get paid to and whether there is a joint account etc.


What's actually being questioned here is the principle, and as I see it there are 3 options that various people sign up to:

1. A couple pool all income and everything is paid for from that account.
2. A couple split all outgoings (eg mortgage, bills) equally and retain the remainder of their individual income as disposable income (regardless of any differences in income).
3. A couple split all outgoings (eg mortgage, bills) proportionatly to their incomes, and retain the remainder of their individual income as disposable income.

So if Jack earns £1000 per month and Jill earns £2000, and their outgoings (eg mortgage, bills) total £1500 a month, dependant on the approach they adopt, the following will be true:

1. After bills Jack and Jill have £1500 to spend between them (ie £750 each).
2. After bills, Jack is left with £250 disposable income whilst Jill has £1250.
3. After bills, Jack is left with £500 disposable income whilst Jill has £1000.

To me, options 1 and 3 seem fair. My personal preference is probably option 3 where both people work full-time (as my OH has a more demanding job, I'm comfortable that he should have more disposable income than me), or option 1 where one person doesn't work or works part-time.

Option 2 however, just doesn't seem fair at all.

It would depend who does the shopping, though. In option 2, if Jill pays for most items and picks up the bill when they go out, then it could work out fair. On the other hand, if Jill treats it as her own money to spend herself, then option 2 would be unfair.

If you are married, whose bank account or credit card is used to pay doesn't make much difference to what you buy.

elvis86

BNT wrote: »

It would depend who does the shopping, though. In option 2, if Jill pays for most items and picks up the bill when they go out, then it could work out fair. On the other hand, if Jill treats it as her own money to spend herself, then option 2 would be unfair.

If you are married, whose bank account or credit card is used to pay doesn't make much difference to what you buy.

For the purpose of discussing the principle, that's assuming that each partner pays their own way for everything else from their disposable income.

If Jill actually paid for all of the food shopping and paid for them to go on holiday 3 times a year, then obviously that wouldn't be a fair replication of how they divide their money.

Any

BNT wrote: »

It would depend who does the shopping, though. In option 2, if Jill pays for most items and picks up the bill when they go out, then it could work out fair. On the other hand, if Jill treats it as her own money to spend herself, then option 2 would be unfair.

If you are married, whose bank account or credit card is used to pay doesn't make much difference to what you buy.

In our household joint account covers all joint spends, therefore shopping budget as well.

Our own left over monies are genuinely only for our own spend, incl presents for each other.

For other family presents there is still budget in joint account.

However we have no kids, things might change once we do, but as I am not all that hot about children and even if we had some I would want to go back to work I don't think it would affect us massively.

There would just be extra budget in joint a/c for the child and it's future.

Wigwambam_2

NO NO If you need more disposable income get another job. You should be grateful you have a husband who already shares more of his income with you than you do him. I wonder if the boot were on the other foot would your additional disposable income be shared with him or is it likely you would just need more for yourself.

Diane1961_2

Absolutely not. A deal is a deal, would you be prepared to be expected to pay more if you were suddenly the one earning more? It only changes when someone stays at home, or goes part time, to look after children.

My advice to couples is always the same - 100% individual responsibility. Separate accounts for earned income, joint account for all joint income and household bills (+ contingency money, planned household improvements etc.) 50:50 in each on pay day. The rest is your own money, to fritter or save as you wish.

If you have expensive tastes you can indulge them guilt free, if you are frugal you reap the benefit, if you want to save for a family benefit then do so freely. Individual transport costs, mobile phone contracts, Sky packages, hair dressing, clothing, waxing, drinking, smoking etc., are your responsibility and therefore by your choice. This also means that you can make savings without relying on the other person. Freedom