What We Should Do...

bride2be2012

Is anyone else REALLY fed up being told what they 'should' be doing by friends/family?

OH and I were paying for the bulk of our wedding ourselves, until my folks very kindly offered to pay for the bulk of the reception. Therefore, we have done most of the planning ourselves, only asking advice from others when we needed it. But now the weddings in less than 4 months away, we are really stressing and fed up with people butting in!

Things include MIL2B telling us we should have a videographer, should have everyone in matching kilts, should have discussed menu choices with her as one of OH's nieces has allergies (we know this, and actually discussed with said niece what she can have, she's 15 not 5!).
Then I have my bridesmaids telling me I should have a wild drunken hen night where they can embarress me, when that's exactly the kind of thing I HATE!
Aunties and uncles saying we should be inviting cousins + partners (who we have never even met).

Why do people feel they have a right to dictate what we should be doing, when we were quite happy doing things our way? AGH! Any tips on how to handle people who can't keep their opinions to themselves? The nodding politely and keeping quiet thing doesn't seem to be working!

On a different point entirely, does anyone elses in-laws know their parents really well? My folks and OH's folks live about 2 hours apart, and have only met once or twice. MIL2B has got it into her head that this is terrible, and she HAS to know my folks better before the wedding.

mildred1978

bride2be2012 wrote: »

On a different point entirely, does anyone elses in-laws know their parents really well? My folks and OH's folks live about 2 hours apart, and have only met once or twice. MIL2B has got it into her head that this is terrible, and she HAS to know my folks better before the wedding.

OH and I had been together for 4 years when we got married. Our parents met once for a meal about 6 weeks beforehand. Apart from the wedding, they've never been in the same room since. They live around 300 miles apart so it's never really been an issue.

LEJC

Ive been married almost 19 years and my parents and inlaws have not met since our sons christening 14 years ago....its not that they dislike eachother...they just have different lives.....dont force the issue of "everyone being friends"...if they want to get on and meet up thy will...if they dont then they dont...theres been no falling out between them just different life paths.

Im sure its just a case of your mother in law 2b being a bit curious of everyone...its up to you how they all meet up ..but to be honest once the weddings over I expect you'll find that her interest in your parents starts to wain and she probably wont have that much contact with them preferrng to choose and socialise with her own friends

Its their children that are marrying ....not a life long comitment for the inlaws to get on

bride2be2012

thank you, I am so glad it's not just me that thinks like that!

Olokia

mildred1978 wrote: »

OH and I had been together for 4 years when we got married. Our parents met once for a meal about 6 weeks beforehand. Apart from the wedding, they've never been in the same room since. They live around 300 miles apart so it's never really been an issue.

I've been with OH for 8.5 years and my parents and OH's mum met once 7 years ago for a couple of hours. They won't meet again until the wedding. My parents live in a different country though.

Brightside

So many people are saying what we should do too. I'm learning very quickly to smile sweetly and say that it is already organised but thanks for the advice.

i agree wholeheartedly about the hen night, my idea of hell is being dragged around the town with L plates stuck to me. Luckily my best mate is supporting me on this, like I did for her hen night.

74jax

My parents and in-laws have never met, to be honest I doubt they even know each others names. We are all separated over the country though, it might be different if they lived in the same town. Maybe it might help to have a getting-to-know-you meal like someone else mentioned.

As for interfering, h2b and I decided how we want our wedding and planned it. I do read threads on here very similar to your concerns so altho I can not help, you are not alone. I do not understand why people do things they 'think' they should do. I often think we must come across selfish in our wedding plans, but I hope not. It is planned to be a day that reflects us both perfectly. If that means the guests do not have a meal, then so be it. If that means friends come to watch us get married and aunts, uncles etc don't even get an evening invite, so be it. But we don't have any guilt over our choices. My bridesmaids can wear what they want, hell they could wear a neon yellow canary costume but as long as my MOH and DD are by oursides to see us get married, I don't care. We aren't having invites, a meal, we are walking to the reception, not having a cake etc etc etc.

It saddens me when people have their own homes, have their own families, but the one day that is truely 'theirs' has a lead up of arguments and stress. I think we must be very lucky as we have had no problems so far.

shellsuit

My parents live a 15 min drive from the in laws.

My Mum met FIL once, years back, at hospital when hubby had an op on his nose and again at our wedding, and my Dad met FIL once when hubby went to his Dad's to have something out with him.

My Dad, met FIL again when him and hubby dropped the wedding invite off and again on the wedding day.

We don't even see the in laws as they don't even bother with our son, their only Grandchild.

catalunya

I agree with 74jax completely!

I am starting to find that people will try and plant seeds in my head about what I should and shouldnt be doing and I havent even booked a venue yet...

As for parents... do not even get me going on that one! OH's dad and biological mum will be there but his stepmum (ultimate !!!!! from hell) is not even on the guest list - much to my parents delight! My OH's grandparents are more important to him and my parents will meet them before the day.

Stay strong bride2be2012... i suppose you can take comfort in the fact you arent the only one!

floss2

My mum met my DH's parents at my 40th birthday party.....then 15 months later they came to her funeral. My dad died in 1991 waaaaay before me & DH met so they've never known him.

Re getting what you want - what worked for us was when someone started spouting, I / we would interrupt and say "we've already got all that arranged / booked / sorted & paid for, thank you for reminding me to tick it off my list". It seemed to stop people in their tracks befor they could get going. If they started again, I would say "I thought I had already mentioned that we've booked & paid for that already, thanks for your suggestions though".

bride2be2012

thanks for all the advice, however telling people we all ready have it sorted won't really work!
The videographer - we don't want one, and can't afford one even if we did. Doesn't stop MIL2B telling us we should have one and they will give us money toward one! Even if they did give us money towards one, we still don't want one!

Kilt hire/tartan - OH wants him and his best man in the same tartan, and everyone else in somthing different. Again, MIL2B (and others) keeps insisting everyone should be in the same.

Hen Night - Doesn't matter what I say, they still insist on having to embarrass me - apparently, according to my bridesmaids, this is what a hen night is all about. They have been told however I WILL walk out if any strippers turn up, if there is any hint of willy straws or cakes (friend had these for her birthday and when my BM's found out they decided it'd be fab for the hen night :mad:) etc, I will not be amused. How hard is it to get through to them all I want is a meal out and some drinks?? :wall: