What We Should Do...

Scotsbride

Kal wrote: »

This is precisely how I feel today! Have only been engaged 5 days and already have had an email from OH’s brother listing the term dates for his two daughter’s schools. With the obvious implication being that we must book the wedding within their holiday times (they live abroad) which really upset me as I had wanted an October wedding to coincide with the anniversary of our first date. And this would not suit them. Why should I be thinking of accommodating other people on my (our!) day? We had to go way out of our way for their weddings etc.- TOTALLY IN THE SAME SITUATION ONLY IT'S OH'S COUSINS KIDS WHO HE DOESN'T WANT THERE ANYWAY AS THE KIDS ARE A NIGHTMARE AROUND THEIR PARENTS! OURS IS A SEPTEMBER WEDDING WHICH COSIDES WITH MY GRANDPARENTS 60TH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY (PEOPLE ARE FLYING FROM NEW ZEALAND AND PARSIFICALLY MY BOTHER CAN ONLY AFFORD ONE FLIGHT)AND IS ON A SATURDAY AFTERNOON WHICH LEAVES ALL FRIDAY EVENING AND SATURDAY MORNING TO GET THERE!

sugarwalsh wrote: »

You should consider other people - within reason - as they are the people who have made you 'you'. They are part of your relationship whether you want them to be or not. If they can't make it on the day you want would it be more upsetting if they aren't there or if you get married on a different date? Also, there is usually a half term in October - you may be able to work around that? TRUE BUT IF A DATE HAS A SPECIFIC MEANING OR IF THE VENUE OR PRICES ARE CHEAPER I'D QUESTION DOING THIS. aLSO IF PEOPLE SPECIAL TO YOU AND YOU TO THEM THEY'LL BE THERE.


AS FOR TARTAN KILTS MY MILB HAS BEEN TOLD H2B WILL NOT B E WEARING A KILT NO MATTER HOW MUCH SHE INSISTS! ALSO HAVE TRIED THE SMILING SWEETLY AND TELLING PEOPLE THAT IT'S OUR WEDDING ALSO GOT REALLY BRIDEZILLA ABOUT THINGS AND TOLD PEOPLE THAT THIS IS OUR WEDDING AND TO BUTT OUT THIS DIDN'T GO DOWN TOO WELL!

bride2be2012

Scotsbride wrote: »

ALSO HAVE TRIED THE SMILING SWEETLY AND TELLING PEOPLE THAT IT'S OUR WEDDING ALSO GOT REALLY BRIDEZILLA ABOUT THINGS AND TOLD PEOPLE THAT THIS IS OUR WEDDING AND TO BUTT OUT THIS DIDN'T GO DOWN TOO WELL!

I can SO see this happening this weekend lol when we visit my in-laws to be! Expecting battles about videographers, kilts and menu choices!! Also dealing with MIL2B's insecurities over the fact she 'thinks' she is being left out of things (she's not).

I've spent a few nights this week putting together a suggestions list for songs we'd like played as we are meeting our DJ this weekend. OH emailed it to his mum last night to ask if there are any songs she would like played (we thought it'd be nice to have our parents first dance songs played at our wedding) - her response - I see B2B2012 parents helped you put this together, no chance you two like some these songs!! NO THEY DIDN'T, I just happen to have a VERY eclectic taste in music (which she knows), and happen to love a lot of music from the 50s and 60s. Grrr...

So wish me luck over the weekend, I'll try not to get banged up on any assault or murder charges!!

Choc-addict

Oh good luck bridetobe2012!! I feel your pain! :rotfl:

11 weeks until our wedding and we still have issues with the MIL2B - she has been a nightmare from beginning to end and ruined basically what I thought was going to be fun planning. Combined with her and my sister who has created drama about not being a bridesmaid and still continues to do so even though she was told back in March last year, it's not been fun, enjoyable or anything that I dreamed it may have been

Don't get me wrong, I literally can not wait to marry H2B and have our special day together but the planning and 'some' people i'll forgive as we have to move on but i'm not sure i'll ever forget the black cloud, stress and negativity they put on what to me should be a lovely occassion in planning your wedding. Sadly I don't think that my relationship with either of them will ever be the same now.

Anyhow, it's just 11 weeks to go now until our big day and I made a promise to stand firm and enjoy the last period and build up to our special day!!! I make sure I surround myself by those that are as excited about it as I am and try to be nothing but positive regardless of others.

Good luck this weekend, make sure you and OH are very much on same page and stand firm together. Speak up and make sure MIL2B knows that you haven't consulted parents in playlist and that she is not missing out on anything. Realistically, she is NOT the MOTB so can't assume that she would be involved in everything, thats not fair of her.

Hope it all goes well x

sugarwalsh

If I were you I would give her less chances to 'have a say'. Don't show her things and ask her what she thinks. For example, don't show her the menu. tell her what you are having then move the conversation on. I'm not saying ignore her, but try change your language when with her. Think like she is a child who doesn't need too much input!
Megan

74jax

Agreed, I think the less you 'give' her the less she can say. Ie 'can you let us have some songs to play at night' would cause less feedback than 'we have picked these (so she can comment) what would you like adding'?

She sounds a nightmare, I would make sure OH is willing to back you, they are his parents, if anyone should say anything it should be him.

Another idea, if you email parents, might be to include them on the same email. So they can see they are getting it at the same time?

bride2be2012

Sugarwalsh, we have chosen the menu lol - it's just the fact we chose it without consulting her she's not happy about!!

I'm trying not to get worked up about going down to visit, although sometimes getting myself worked up is a good thing, as the reality isn't quite as bad as I thought it was going to be lol!

Thankfully, OH will back me 100% as he knows exactly what his mum is like!