Should my boyfriend pay my rent to my parents?

norabatty_2

Hi OP,

Just thought I'd share my experiences with you. 9 months after my bf and I got together, he bought an apartment. He couldn't afford to buy the full property, so his father gave him 50% of the purchase price (which the father borrowed from a bank) and bf effectively bought the house with a 50% deposit. His father saw this as an investment opportunity, they both legally own half the apartment each. The bf paid all rates, insurance, bills on his own. This was back in 2006. The father thought his son would live in the apartment for about 5 years, and then move on to a bigger family house with a family and he could get 50% of the profit from selling the apartment.

When they originally decided to purchase the apartment, there was no mention of me moving in. However, the relationship was going well and one month before the purchase was complete, we agreed that I would move in with him. When bf mentioned this to his father, he wasn't impressed. But we quickly came to an arrangement - I paid £200 per month rent to my bf (50% of the likely rent of the apartment), £100 of which my bf paid to his father. I also paid 50% of all bills like gas, electricity, food, but did not pay towards the mortgage, rates, house insurance, etc. When it came to purchasing items for the apartment, I insisted on purchasing large items only, so if we did break up, I could take them with me - eg, I was not going to pay 50% of a cutlery set from Tesco's but I did buy the dining table and chairs.

We got married in 2009 and quickly realised the apartment was too small for us. We decided to find a new bigger place to live and bought our house in 2010, compliments of a very generous gift from my parents who gave us a 25% deposit, which has no conditions attached.

Our problem lies with the apartment. Since getting married, we share all bills 50/50 and everything is paid from our joint bank account. I now effectively own 25% of the apartment. We wanted to sell the apartment last year but my (now) husband's father didn't, because he wouldn't get his original investment back. Realistically, I don't think he will get it back for another 10 years. To save the peace with the family, we are losing money on that apartment every month. My family don't understand why a father, who gets on so well with his son and daughter-in-law and who have a baby on the way wouldn't just admit defeat, sell up and let them get on with their lives. But then my family didn't lend us money they were relying on as a pension pot, that they couldn't afford to lose, so it's easy for them to judge.

If I were you, I would take the £300 rent per month from your bf, I would give 15% of this amount to your parents (not 15% of £600 - if they never demanded rent from you before, why should they start now?). In addition, I would make your bf pay 50% towards all bills, including heating, power, tv, telephone, food but you must use your 85% of £300 to pay for all maintenance, rates, insurance and mortgage.

Your agreement with your parents was that they would get 15% of all profits from the house when it was sold. I personally don't see the point of attempting to pay back the 15% in installments - it wasn't what anybody agreed and I doubt it's what your parents want. If your parents don't like your bf, what they probably want more than the money is to make sure you aren't taken advantage of and that you aren't left in a vulnerable position. I suggest you talk to your parents on your own, and make them aware that you will be charging your boyfriend a fair rent, that you will give them 15% of this amount because you believe this is fair, that he will also pay 50% of all household bills and that you will continue to pay the mortgage on your own and that you have sought the advice of a solicitor who has assured you that your bf will have no rights to the house if things turn sour. I would tell them how much you appreciate everything they have done for you in recent years when you needed them. Be appreciative but assertive. Whatever you decide to do, tell them this is what you have decided and it's not up for negotiation.You are 34 and a grown woman and I'm sure they would expect no less from you.

My mother can be quite trying and is inclined to treat me like a teenager at times. It's amazing how quickly she backs down once I tell her I have made up my mind and there is no point arguing.:D

Lunar_Eclipse

marywooyeah wrote: »

firstly yes he should pay rent if he is to be living in your house, and secondly the agreeement is a good idea to prevent him from building up a constructive trust in the property.

I would calculate it as half of the going rent, eg if the average rent nearby is £450 he'd pay £225 and you could use this to pay off your parents/mortgage.

I think differently.

I think a lodger should pay rent, but a boyfriend (ie a partner) contributes to household costs (including a share of the mortgage) and therefore shouldn't pay rent, certainly not at the market rate anyway.

I think the agreement you have with your parents is completely separate to your relationship. Also, since you are also drawing up an agreement with your boyfriend, both relationships are covered by different agreements. It would be unfair on your boyfriend to pay market rent to your parents AND sign an agreement whereby he isn't entitled to a share of the house if the relationship ends.

Frankly, it all sounds like the way businesses are managed and not close intimate relationships. I'm another one who would start again and hope the boyfriend isn't scared off in the meantime.

albionrovers

If I was the 37yo bf I would not be chuffed with any of this faffing around ... get it sorted 1 way or t'other before he legs it

vegasvisitor

Bet you didn't think this would happen when you bought the house!!!

If it were me, I would go to them and say that now that you have an extra wage coming into the house, you don't expect them to support you. Therefore, you could use the extra money to save enough to give them back their original deposit. Interest rates are low, so shouldn't have cost them much. That way at least they get the full amount back, and not a 15% cut of a sale price and lose out due to the drop in house prices.

If you don't need their support anymore, you should fix that asap.

boiler_man

Tricky if you ever want your parents to like your boyfriend (and stay on speaking terms with you).

How much your boyfriend pays towards the bills is none of their business (you are 34!), however you can reassure them that you are being protected from him claiming part of the property at a later date if things do not work out.

It is unfair that they are changing the terms of their loan, but this is one of the pitfalls with borrowing from parents.

Legally you probably owe them nothing further than previously agreed, BUT for the sake of your relationship, you could offer to pay them "rent" for their % investment in the property. But make it clear that it is YOU paying it to them as your boyfriend is not their tenant. You could also point out that you are happy to waive their share of the upkeep of your property as they have been so good to lend you the money for the deposit.

You then need to put in place a savings scheme with the remainder of your extra income from your boyfriend to either pay them back asap or put towards a deposit on another property (and sell yours, returning your parents money). The sooner you can move on (and not owe your parents), the better.

It is not a healthy situation to be in, but it is easier to throw a bit of extra money at your parents for the sake of ongoing and future harmony. You never know when you may need their help in the future.

All being well, they will see that they are being unreasonable and take a reduced amount from you.

paddy's_mum

It is so very simple. Your parents don't understand enough and they are running scared!!!!

JC9297

You were 30 when you bought the house, even if you were not in a relationship at the time surely your parents should have considered that you may meet someone you would want to live with, possibly marry. I assumed like others you were much younger, I guessed probably early/mid 20s. You are a grown woman and your parents should accept and respect your choice of partner. Presumably you have chosen to live together as you see your futures together.
What will happen if you decide to have a family, which if that is what you want to do cannot be put off for too long given your age, you need to be equals without your parents holding any influence over your decisions. I think you need to look at getting a place together on an equal footing.

adouglasmhor

Why not sell 50% of the house to your boyfriend, then use part of the proceeds to pay off your parents, your payments go down, your parents lose the stick they are using to try to control you, you and he are then equals. Looks good to me at any rate

Mojisola

adouglasmhor wrote: »

Why not sell 50% of the house to your boyfriend, then use part of the proceeds to pay off your parents, your payments go down, your parents lose the stick they are using to try to control you, you and he are then equals. Looks good to me at any rate

Interesting lateral thinking!

DVardysShadow

adouglasmhor wrote: »

Why not sell 50% of the house to your boyfriend, then use part of the proceeds to pay off your parents, your payments go down, your parents lose the stick they are using to try to control you, you and he are then equals. Looks good to me at any rate

This is difficult if bf does not have 50% tucked away in a drawer somewhere, because a re mortage would be required and if the house is currently in negative equity that might be difficult.

In principle, however, what is required is to find the 15% and pay the parents off and get rid of their influence. It seems to me that they are likely to get difficult about this, in which case it may be necessary to sell the house.

In New to Avon's position, I would be moving the partner in and paying nothing to parents under the strict terms of the trust deed. I would take rent from partner and save it up towards the fighting pot and look at all the options for putting together 15% of the value of the house.

And then I would offer the money and hope that they accepted. If they did not, I would sell on the open market or to myself and partner and pay parents off. Now, to do this, it is necessary to have the 15% available as cash which can be handed over to parents. Because if the property does not sell for enough to cover the mortgage and the parents' 15%, the parents will still have a financial hold by being owed.

And I would be livid at parents if I had to sell on the open market under these terms, because it would leave me without a deposit to buy another place. But I really would not want their financial 'assistance' to govern me for another day.