Am I being too sensitive?

Sambucus_Nigra

Op - what do you want to know about your friends as a result of this thread? That they are inconsiderate, that they don't like you, that they are really users? Are you prepared to walk away from this social circle? Are these people really your friends or just acquaintances? Are you ready to find out that you aren't the centre of the circle any more?

ETA in bright red

Keriss

What do I want to know? Well other people's opinions really. It's hard to see a situation clearly when you're in the middle of it.

Do I want to walk away from them? No. And I think it's pretty clear that I'm not the centre of the social circle by any means.

Am I reading your tone wrongly, or are you a little annoyed by my posting? I'm aware that I probably come across as being a bit silly and hormonal, but I wanted to hear others opinions, so I asked for them.

barbiedoll

People who have no experience of pregnancy, do tend to treat it as an exotic illness or condition, your friends may be worried that you won't be able to sleep comfortably on an airbed or in a small spare room etc etc, they may think that you're a delicate flower who won't be able to tolerate any drink or that you'll be moaning that you can't eat what you want because of heartburn, weird cravings and so on.

Also, just because none of them are "planning" children at the moment, doesn't mean that none of them are broody. One of my closest friends went really cold on me when I was pregnant, I only found out later that she was desperately jealous and couldn't trust herself not to burst into tears when she heard me talking about my baby, the scans etc etc. She was also having trouble in her relationship which she didn't feel that she could "burden" me with.

Speak to the member of the group who you are closest to, I can understand why you're upset at not being invited to the weekend prior to your bash. They may feel that you have better and more important things to do, or they may just feel that you won't fit in now that your life is changing now that you are becoming parents. Is there anyone that your OH could speak to? He may get a straight answer from another bloke.

Don't feel too bad though, you'll probably find that they'll all start breeding soon and they'll be running to you for advice and help as you'll be the only one who knows how it feels!

Oh, and good luck with the baby!

Sambucus_Nigra

Keriss wrote: »

What do I want to know? Well other people's opinions really. It's hard to see a situation clearly when you're in the middle of it.

Do I want to walk away from them? No. And I think it's pretty clear that I'm not the centre of the social circle by any means.

Am I reading your tone wrongly, or are you a little annoyed by my posting? I'm aware that I probably come across as being a bit silly and hormonal, but I wanted to hear others opinions, so I asked for them.

No - I mean what do you want to know about your friends....not what do you want to know from people that you don't know on the internet....

BugglyB

I did struggle with one friend's pregnancy and subsequent motherhood.

I either invited her to social events ie pub and got 'HELLO, I'm PREGNANT, I can't drink!' or didn't and she got upset for being left out.

Now shes a mum I haven't invited her to a couple of things because I get the same thing, 'erm, and who exactly is going to look after x?' or if I have invited her with the baby I get 'I know you really dont want my baby there screaming his head off' when really I dont mind the baby crying.

I can't seem to find the right wording for invites -

'I know you might not be able to, but just thought I'd let you know we're doing this in case you can come along' is what I mean but sounds a bit like I'm bragging about how free and easy my life is! Equally 'do you want to do this with me?' sounds like I have no idea that she has to make arrangements to go out!

Tbh she was a little highly strung before the pregnancy but the hormones and lack of sleep have made her that bit harder to get on with!

BugglyB

OP I'm not saying you are like my friend, just that it can be hard to know what to say.

Keriss

Sambucus Nigra, I don't suppose people that I don't know on the internet can tell me anything about my friends, if they don't know me then they can hardly know my them either... What I was looking for, and have got, are some opinions on the situation, as described by me, so that I can work my way through it sensibly.

barbiedoll, I suppose that you could be right, maybe a couple of my friends are broody. I know that my best friend is unhappy being single, and is always posting on FB that she is fed up and bored with her life, the female of the other couple that I keep mentioning has moved in with her partner, but in the same time we've got married and pregnant, and I know she'll have her work cut out getting any more from her partner - he's lovely but he's very reserved and undemonstrative. Thinking on it all the issues do stem from these two, they're the closest to me so I suppose that the others may just assume that we've been included. That said, I really can't see either of them doing anything so hurtful deliberately, maybe it's just a subconscious reluctance to deal with me?

Buggly, your friend sounds like a nightmare. And I do understand why you'd hesitate to ask her out! But that's not me, I've never once refused an invitation for being pregnant, though once or twice I've had to go home a bit early!

cakeadoodle

BugglyB wrote: »

I did struggle with one friend's pregnancy and subsequent motherhood.

I either invited her to social events ie pub and got 'HELLO, I'm PREGNANT, I can't drink!' or didn't and she got upset for being left out.

Now shes a mum I haven't invited her to a couple of things because I get the same thing, 'erm, and who exactly is going to look after x?' or if I have invited her with the baby I get 'I know you really dont want my baby there screaming his head off' when really I dont mind the baby crying.

I can't seem to find the right wording for invites -

'I know you might not be able to, but just thought I'd let you know we're doing this in case you can come along' is what I mean but sounds a bit like I'm bragging about how free and easy my life is! Equally 'do you want to do this with me?' sounds like I have no idea that she has to make arrangements to go out!

Tbh she was a little highly strung before the pregnancy but the hormones and lack of sleep have made her that bit harder to get on with!

How terribly rude of her! She sounds very much like a friend of mine.

My friend was always making remarks like that and if you ever pulled her up for it she laughed it off as if I was being over sensitive. Needless to say she is a friend no more!

I don't get the sense that Keriss is that kind of person

Keriss

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

And I am asking what you want to know about your friends as depending on what you want out of this, will determine the opinions on what to do next.

However you seem to be unable to grasp this concept.

I couldn't give a monkeys what you want to know from or about people on here.

I think perhaps it would be best to say that neither of us is able to grasp each other's concept. What I want out of this is the objective opinions of others (as I do give a monkey's ), on the situation that I've described, so that I can work my own way through things. I don't really expect to be told anything about my friends as such, so I do have to confess that I don't understand what it is you want me to expand on.

If that means that you're unable to comment, then so be it, I appreciate you trying anyway. I've already had some really helpful thoughts, and have a fair bit to think on.

Sambucus_Nigra

Keriss wrote: »

I think perhaps it would be best to say that neither of us is able to grasp each other's concept. What I want out of this is the objective opinions of others (as I do give a monkey's ), on the situation that I've described, so that I can work my own way through things. I don't really expect to be told anything about my friends as such, so I do have to confess that I don't understand what it is you want me to expand on.

If that means that you're unable to comment, then so be it, I appreciate you trying anyway. I've already had some really helpful thoughts, and have a fair bit to think on.

I was asking what it was you want to find out about your friends, because they are behaving like this and you started a thread asking for people's opinions on what to do about it.

For example, are you really ready to find out the truth or is this just a rant?

I'm not concerned about what you want out of the people on this forum - but what you want as a result of obtaining different advice to enable you to continue either being friends with these people, or how to manage your extraction from their circle, or to blow your top and tell them some home truths yourself....

It's about planning your endgame if that's indeed what you want. If it's just a rant then rant away...