help regarding 16 hrs and working tax credit

Dognobs · 31 January 2012 at 4:38PM

She removed the bit about having a car, and buying a 40"+ tv, puppy and a motorbike as a hobby. But we don't give too much in benifits do we!

DorsetGirl_2 · 31 January 2012 at 4:48PM

Dognobs wrote: »

She removed the bit about having a car, and buying a 40"+ tv, puppy and a motorbike as a hobby. But we don't give too much in benifits do we!

I think someone else said that.

FBaby · 31 January 2012 at 5:14PM

Vejovis wrote: »

there probably are, but it doesn't make it right in many cases.

I would argue that the consequences of leaving an 11 year old on their own are much less concerning than the consequences of overprotecting a child.

My DD has just turned 12 and has been on her own for 1 hour in the morning and 2 hours in the evenings each day. She copes amazingly well, not one problem since she started in Sept. I haven't left her on her own a full day yet, but feel comfortable considering it now.

This decision means that she is a responsible, self-aware, confident child. Ironically, it means that she would be much more likely to handle a situation appropriately where both of us were at home, i fell down the steps and became unconscious....

I feel there is a much more dangers in teenagers suddenly being given freedom they never had before, and thinking they are invulnerable, than by giving them gradual independent skills at a younger age. We all have our own views, one is not better than another.

emsywoo123 · 31 January 2012 at 5:27PM

FBaby wrote: »

I would argue that the consequences of leaving an 11 year old on their own are much less concerning than the consequences of overprotecting a child.

My DD has just turned 12 and has been on her own for 1 hour in the morning and 2 hours in the evenings each day. She copes amazingly well, not one problem since she started in Sept. I haven't left her on her own a full day yet, but feel comfortable considering it now.

This decision means that she is a responsible, self-aware, confident child. Ironically, it means that she would be much more likely to handle a situation appropriately where both of us were at home, i fell down the steps and became unconscious....

I feel there is a much more dangers in teenagers suddenly being given freedom they never had before, and thinking they are invulnerable, than by giving them gradual independent skills at a younger age. We all have our own views, one is not better than another.

I think the concerns were expressed on this particularly thread as the OP identified her DS had ADHD to such an extent that he could not go to a playscheme, and that he slept until lunchtime.

bloomingflower · 31 January 2012 at 6:15PM

Dognobs wrote: »

She removed the bit about having a car, and buying a 40"+ tv, puppy and a motorbike as a hobby. But we don't give too much in benifits do we!

Sorry to jump in,but before she deleted her posts,mummyof5 said she bought these things out of her earnings when she was working. I remember reading that.

I do think that some people are still being too harsh on her and she hasn't even been back to post on this thread to defend herself.

Vejovis · 31 January 2012 at 6:29PM

FBaby wrote: »

I would argue that the consequences of leaving an 11 year old on their own are much less concerning than the consequences of overprotecting a child.

My DD has just turned 12 and has been on her own for 1 hour in the morning and 2 hours in the evenings each day. She copes amazingly well, not one problem since she started in Sept. I haven't left her on her own a full day yet, but feel comfortable considering it now.

This decision means that she is a responsible, self-aware, confident child. Ironically, it means that she would be much more likely to handle a situation appropriately where both of us were at home, i fell down the steps and became unconscious....

I feel there is a much more dangers in teenagers suddenly being given freedom they never had before, and thinking they are invulnerable, than by giving them gradual independent skills at a younger age. We all have our own views, one is not better than another.

yours is one situation, as is mine. both of mine have been left alone at various times since the age of about 10. that doesn't mean it's right in every case.

FBaby · 31 January 2012 at 8:09PM

your words was that it wasn't right in many cases, different to every cases. I certainly do agree that it would be dangerous to leave some 11 yo on their own, but we don't know the circumstances in OP's case. It might be that her son is disruptive when with others kids, but absolutely fine on his own and/or with siblings.

Vejovis · 31 January 2012 at 10:10PM

FBaby wrote: »

your words was that it wasn't right in many cases, different to every cases. I certainly do agree that it would be dangerous to leave some 11 yo on their own, but we don't know the circumstances in OP's case. It might be that her son is disruptive when with others kids, but absolutely fine on his own and/or with siblings.

i think you're just being pedantic there, not right in many cases or not right in every case, means the same thing in my book.

it would be an unusual case of adhd if what you say was true. and i would be back to the gp questioning the diagnosis in that case.

[Deleted User] · 31 January 2012 at 10:37PM

Hi all.
Thank you all for your input.
I did flounce off for a bit because I was so upset that I had asked for some advice to get me off benefits and into work , and the background info I had provided was used in such a way that made me doubt myself as a mother .

Back now to clarify a few points.

I do have 5 children in total , 2 of which are 15 and 17 .
The older 2 would be "around" on and off .
My son's ADHD doesn't manifest itself in a naughty behaviour way or an inability to do anything for himself , it is more of a focussing issue.
This affects his schoolwork more than it does home life.
He is not "too bad" to go to a childminder , he is a) too old , and b) far too cool (in his eyes).

I already leave him for an hour or two awake or asleep if I go and do things with my younger daughters , and he takes himself to and from school no problem.

So I don't believe I would be endangering him in any way.

My tv,phone , motorbike and car have all been bought whilst working , or with savings accrued whilst working.
The government decides how much benefit to pay me , and I choose to live frugally enough to be able to keep hold of those luxuries at least for now.

The child's father has not been seen for 6 yrs , and although in touch for the last yr , my children do not know him so he is never going to be a childcare option.
He pays me maintenance - a very generous £1 a week each per child

I don't have friends or family close enough who could help me out , the one friend who is close enough has 4 children of her own.

I did go to the interview , and am waiting to hear back from the man, he offered me it but is debating whether he can give me 16 hours or not.

Thank you to all those who answered my post , I apologise for deleting posts but I realise now I should have just asked the question regarding hours , as that is what I needed help with , not my childcare options.

And a huge thank you to welshpaul who seems to have understood my question from my point of view and has argued my case like a champion in my absence :kisses3: