Dad living in my house - is he a tenant?

Yorkie1

Well done for getting this far. Good luck with the refurb and hope you have a relaxing Christmas!

Fire_Fox

I've just read the thread: good grief but well done for extricating yourself. :T IMO both your parents have mental health problems, at least one being a personality disorder.

cuffey

That's interesting - which one do you think has the personality disorder - and what does that mean?

Fire_Fox

cuffey wrote: »

That's interesting - which one do you think has the personality disorder - and what does that mean?

Your mother would be my guess, your father may too or maybe another mental health issue. There are a number of different personality disorders and obviously only mental health professionals can diagnose which but those close can often identify.

http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/personality-disorder/Pages/Definition.aspx
See Cluster B http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Personality-disorder/Pages/Symptoms.aspx

Marie27lol

Hi Cuffey

Any recent updates? Have you had many viewings, found a buyer?

Fingers crossed.

M

Rovver125

Wow, this thread certainly stirred some emotion in me. Anger, sadness, happyness etc etc all felt whilst reading this from start to finish. It was truly a rollercoaster.

Be great to hear an update on whether the saga is now dealt with and you got closure on the matter. I don't think I'd have been giving either parent a penny if I didn't have to after the way they have behaved, although I fully understand what you said about her still being your mum. I think your actions are commendable!

Think this thread highlights well the risks when mixing family, property and money and it also highlights how many amazing people there are on here who are willing to give up large swathes of their time to help others.

I applaud every single one of you who helped the OP with all your amazing advice and support.

OP, I really hope you got the result you wanted out of this and I hope you have or are planning to make an honest woman of your GF as she sounds very much like a keeper

BigAunty

Fire_Fox wrote: »

I've just read the thread: good grief but well done for extricating yourself. :T IMO both your parents have mental health problems, at least one being a personality disorder.

Not sure we can give a mental health diagnosis despite the car-crash family dynamics, the lies and hysterics that the OP has been put through by his relatives and their penchant to maximise their lifestyle by exploiting their son and the benefits system....

There are people that I've known who don't come across as having any mental illness who display similar behaviour to this - tax dodging, scrounging off others, serial sob stories, fraudulent benefit claims. Their personalities are awful, whether this is a mental health issue or just because their values are corrupt, I couldn't tell you.

From the few people that I know whose primary drive is to exploit others and the benefits system, who feel sorry for themselves, it's not mental illness, it's a pure belief about entitlement, that they deserve a certain type of lifestyle with minimum effort, they view themselves as victims. They are selfish and put a lot of energy into getting money, goods and services without paying for it. They are really bold and given to dramatics. They are also allergic to employment - employers are seen as a nuisance.

The efforts I've seen people go to in order to persuade their friends and relatives to pay for things for them is amazing. The lies have been stupendously imaginative. The ducking and diving to avoid detection for false benefit claims, excuses for rent arrears and debts and how they work in the black economy is very impressive.

Shame the OPs family have such corrupt values and exploitative tendencies as it's cost him a lot of time, money and effort to battle against their imaginative games.

At least he had the last laugh - his parents would have been so deluded that they actually thought they would win, that his father could remain in the property rent free and that his mother would get full payment back for the sum she hid from the benefits authority.

cuffey

Hi BigAunty and others!

The flat is still being sorted out - it now has a new heating system and a gas safety certificate, and a new kitchen floor! All the junk he left in it has been tipped including 8 binbags full of pornographic images, and ladies underwear catalogues. (A Stick you fingers in your ears and shout lalalalalala moment when we discovered that in the roofspace!!) A new kitchen and bathroom will be installed in the next fortnight - and then it will go on the market.

There has been no post delivered there for a few months, but the builders brought back what there was last week, so clearly mail is no longer being forwarded. Of course, the obvious has happened, and there are letters from utility companies etc addressed to him, so he's not told them he's left. I had sorted out the council tax last July (we get 6 months free while it's empty), and have now rung the electric/gas people who were helpful, and given them readings/opened accounts in my name. I should have done this before (the old ostrich syndrome returning!!) but anyway, sorted now. Unfortunately I don't know where he's gone, so none of the mail can be sent to him, so will have to be returned 'not known'.

There is also his car tax reminder - which you can't send back (says so on the envelope), and I don't know where he is. His problem if he doesn't receive the information, I feel.

Bearing in mind he claims to have left at the end of May I think he's had plenty of time to get his address changed on everything.

More worryingly there are bills from a completely unknown person for a mobile phone business account. (I have checked the law on opening post in this way, and it is not illegal necessarily). Whether he has allowed someone to use the address for this . . . anyway, I will send back with a covering letter I think for the sake of a stamp, as it may be fraudulent use of my address.

Most importantly I have come to a settlement with my mother and the solicitor is drawing up a document for her to sign. Fingers crossed she doesn't change her mind!

My brother is being a complete pain, as he's still being brainwashed into believing he is entitled to proceeds from the flat. My GF tried to gently explain why his arguments did not hold water, but he got very angry, and aggressive in his attitude. She stood up to him, and he simply didn't know how to cope with that! He's obviously being fed a load of rubbish by my father now about what has happened in the past, and how it's his 'inheritance'. The wonderful GF suggested if he felt he was entitled to proceeds he presumably also felt he should be contributing upfront for the renovation?! Ha ha ha!

The extra confidence I've found to deal with all this has been a direct result of both the GF's love and the advice and support I've had on here, from complete strangers. As a result, I've grown up quite a lot - and got a promotion at work and a rise in salary.

Having a solicitor on the case between me and them has also been invaluable as it removes some of the personal conflict if you try to deal with things directly.

So - we're not quite there yet, and it's not entirely smooth, but I'm chipping away.

Grateful thanks!

gixer750

i hope in your settlement to your mum you have deducted all the months of £575 rent plus interest that your dad failed to pay all the time he was there, as well as every expense you have accumulated along the way to get him out and refurb the property and sell it and solicitor fees, its only fair and as you"ve found a new stronger you, then this should be your way forward from now on

cuffey

Quick update - and a question!
The flat looks very much better, and is going on the market in the next couple of weeks. It took a bit longer to get sorted than we hoped - but done now. Mother has signed a new document, drawn up by the solicitor, so we are now in a position to get it sold.

The post arriving at the flat is mysterious! Some of it is to two non-existent women (I suspect father was posing as someone else), including Orange phone bills, and letters from debt collection agencies. We could ignore - or we could take action and send it back as unknown . . . . which is best? It concerns me a bit that someone (dad?) is using the flat address fraudulently on top of everything else.