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victory

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SavingPennies_2

Maybe she appreciates the gestures, but feels obliged to keep up and constantly return them? Maybe its getting a bit much for her to do so.

balletshoes

yes, I think its possible to go overboard with the thanks gestures/tokens.
It sounds like you both do each other lots of good turns throughout the year victory, so I'd be leaving the pressies for birthdays or Christmas. A very occasional surprise treat like a bunch of flowers or a little something she'd like is lovely (I mean a couple of times a year) but any more than that and I can totally see where your friend is coming from.

rachbc

Obviously in this case it is - if she feels uncomfortable enough to comment then clearly you have over stepped a mark somewhere. Not intentionally but nevertheless you should respect her wishes and stop.

savingqueen

It sounds like you have a lovely friendship, helping each other out in all sorts of ways, thinking of each other, showing your appreciation and celebrating your friendship.

I have a similar friendship where my friend and I help each other out in lots of practical ways and also occasionally treat each other to little gifts outside of birthdays etc. However we have both really cut down on the gift buying, mostly instigated by me. I love treating people I care about but unfortunately I can't afford to keep spending money like this. I find it difficult at times but am trying to stick to it as I can't afford it and my friend can't afford it. There are lots of other ways of "treating" friends, the most important being your time, being there in good times and bad, being there in a crisis, listening, having a cuppa together, lots of things that doesn't cost any money at all.

I have also cut down on gifts for my friend as I realised I don't do this as much for other friends and sometimes was responding without thinking, like giving an Xmas gift just because you have received one. Having said all of that, every relationship is different and this particlar friend and I know each other well and enjoy treating each other sometimes to small things (do the same with my mum and sister) so its fine as long as it doesn't get out of hand. I've just realised that my relationships in terms of time/money spent etc are shaped partly by my way of "doing things" and partly by the friend's so that we strike a balance we both feel comfy with.

In your case it sounds like maybe you need to cut down on the gifts a little - maybe your friend can't afford to return the gifts or feels you can't afford to buy them (can you?) or just feels a little overwhelmed. You can have too much of a good thing! I hope you work something out so you both feel comfortable and remain good friends.

sukysue

I think you both sound charming I would love to be both your friend. She probably doesn't really want the things you get her and she probably doesn't want you to spend your money on her . Now I am getting older I feel there is nothing I really want bought for me and I would rather buy than receive iyswim. The giving for me is so much more pleasing than the getting. I am not a holier than thou person either it's just how I feel. Funny enough there was something in the paper the other day about ppl not being able to accept things bought for them something like they didn't feel they deserved it. I don't feel like that I just enjoy giving and don't like bothering people getting me stuff I don't want or need. Funny old world isn't it. You both sound lovely ...she prob thinks of you as her daughter and it's lovely, spend time with her and give of yourself not things they are not important. Course she could be thinking of the recession and worrying about it why don't you ask her if she is managing ok I know it's difficult to approach but if she is having money worries then you may be able to help her sort them out. Goodluck m'dear you both sound perfectly lovely.

londonsurrey

How about you continue doing things for her, but only things that don't cost money, or unless it's ridiculously cheap, like 10% the RRP, as she's specifically mentioned keeping the money for your family?

harrys_nan

I think you both sound like you both love to do things for each other and perhaps just carry on like that and leave the gifts for birthdays and christmas and any other special occasions.
You both have good hearts , just enjoy each other x

heretolearn_2

hang on - ostrich eggs?

marywooyeah

sounds like she's grateful but feels you are giving her too much and it puts an obligation on her to feel that she has to do the same. I'd just stick to picking up a couple of bargains if you see them - I take my next door neighbour things like 10p loafs etc - but flowers etc sound a bit more like a grand gesture than someone passing on a bargain.

pukkamum

I think the flowers, chocs and toiletries are a bit much and could be making her feel slightly uncomfortable as if she should be reciprocating, maybe by telling you to keep your money for your family she is telling you she wants to keep her money for her family and cannot afford to swap gifts.
Continue doing the food swaps, helping etc just stop with the gifts!