In dire need of some sensible heads......

KernowGael

Hi,

I really am in need of some help as I cannot see the woods for the trees at the moment, will try to be as brief and to the point as I can.

My husband and I have just found out that we are expecting another child (scan says 7 weeks), which is something of a shock as we weren't expecting to have any more, we already have two aged 8 and 6 years. We both work, me full-time nights for which I earn £16.3K gross pa (39 hours pw) and he part-time days for which he earns £8.4K gross pa (23 hours pw) and we privately rent our home at £675 pcm, we also receive £40 pw CTC and child benefit.

In common with a lot of other people at the moment, our backs are pretty much against the wall financially and, in trying to work out how we can go ahead with having this baby, I have totally confused hell out of myself. I am terrified that we will fall flat on our faces and end up losing the roof over our existing childrens heads.

Our reasoning, so far, consists of him returning to full-time hours and me probably having to drop down to 20 hours or so per week, as I'm none too sure that I could handle 4 nights of 10 hours each lifting and carrying. This would though leave us annually short by £2K, before I even get around to considering maternity leave, SMP, etc.etc. I've tried the calculators (DWP, entitledto....) and keep coming up with different answers. I just can't actually make sense of things at the moment and am just floundering.

Ultimately, I can't and won't put the welfare of the children we've got at risk and cannot see how to make ends meet until things would return to an even keel again. On the other hand, I can't bear the thought of terminating this pregnancy, I just feel completely adrift and unable to make sense of things. Obviously we feel that we can't tell anyone about this and so I would really appreciate some objective thinking if any of you could please spare the time.

looby75

I can't comment much on the calculation side of things, but no doubt someone will be able to come along and help you with that soon, but I couldn't just read and run.

Babies don't have to be expensive, I presume you don't have any of your older children's baby items anymore, if not places like Freecycle and gum tree are fantastic for second hand baby items free from freecyle and cheap from gumtree. My sister got loads of stuff from them when she was expecting her youngest, she was made redundant and had split from her partner just before she found out she was expecting so was in a pretty bad financial situation but she managed.

Things have a habit of working out, you sound like you are in total shock and I'm sure that once you get used to the news you will start to be able to see things more clearly and make plans to help you cope financially. Good luck.

BigAunty

You are only required to work 16 hours per week as a couple to qualify for working tax credits, changing to 24 hours per week in April with one of the couple doing at least 16 hours of it. This can be in a self employed capacity, too.

Download the MSE budget planner to identify your income and expenses. Work through the whole site to identify how to systematically slash your spending - lots of thrifty and frugal tips - and up your income. For example, how to feed a family of 4 for all meals for £100 a month.

Run some scenarios through the Turn2us online benefit calculator - it will give you an idea of how your benefits will change with your income. Entitled to should be accurate as long as you put in accurate data to start with. You can identify the maximum Local Housing Allowance rate on the Direct Gov website for a before and after baby scenario, so can work out any housing benefit due once your income is taken into account. You have to get your head around the figures and be in control of your budget.

xylophone

Congratulations on the coming child. May he/she bring you joy. You may remember from the previous occasions that being pregnant can in itself make you feel emotional and confused - this time round you're working and running a home and looking after the children so you're bound to feel overwhelmed.

Would a chat with a benefits adviser at the CAB help to clear your head?

chiefsfanuk

I too can't help a great deal but similar to above poster, felt I couldn't read and run.

One thing I would like to bring to your attention is there is no need to quit your job or cut your hours just yet... take a look at the direct gov website here:

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/parents/moneyandworkentitlements/workandfamilies/dg_10026556

In particular I want to quote this section re risk assessment to you:

When you tell your employer that you are pregnant your employer should review their risk assessment for your specific work and identify any changes that are necessary to protect you and your unborn baby's health. Your employer should involve you in the process and continue to review the assessment as your pregnancy progresses to see if any adjustments are necessary.
These risks might be caused by:
lifting or carrying heavy loads
standing or sitting for long periods
exposure to toxic substances
long working hours
Your employer must then either remove the risk or remove you from being exposed to it (for example, by offering you suitable alternative work). If neither of these is possible, your employer should suspend you from work on full pay.

So I'd suggest you don't voluntarily drop your hours/work for the duration of pregnancy so that you get as much maternity pay as possible, then when it comes to returning to work you can choose at that point if you can do full or part time.

Also have you considered applying for housing and council tax benefit?

Remember you will get a more tax credits and child benefit with a third child and as mentioned above sites like freegle and freecycle can be incredibly generous! Also you can sometimes get your water rates capped if you have three children depending on income.

I have children similar ages, (now 8, 7 and 1) and although we planned our youngest one adjustments has to be made, it is an expensive time, with childcare etc especially. I feel like hubby and I both work full time for not alot of luxury, but things have a way of working out, and you wont be able to imagine life without the new little one soon.

Best of luck to you x

KernowGael

Firstly, thank you all so much for taking the time to reply, am a bit pushed for time this morning so please forgive me if I try to address all your points in one post.

Yes, I guess I am in shock (in more ways than one!) it doesn't help that I'm also 42 and wondering if I can take it, finances aside. I went to see my GP on Wednesday morning and had the dating scan in the afternoon....oh the horror of feeling like someone's grandma sitting there waiting! So, the GP is awaiting my decision whether to proceed or not, which heaps on the pressure and probably why none of my calculations are making any sense to me, I am just all over the place.

Freecycle etc. are great and I do fairly regularly use them, we're certainly not proud or fussy about things having to be shiny and new. I've never had a clue about working tax credits as between us, my husband and I (working opposite each other) have always looked after the children ourselves. We've never received housing benefit and, although the LHA jumps from a 2 bed requirement to a 3 bed when adding in another child, I have my doubts about that. I think a chat with a benefits adviser is a good idea as I do seem to be going around in circles. I think it's because, thus far, we've always been mostly self reliant that the idea of having to depend on a safety net which may or, may not be there, is really worrying me.

At the risk of sounding even more stupid, I'm pretty embarrassed about telling people, it's fair to say that I haven't sailed into my forties quite as well as Jennifer Aniston, I'm sure people are going to look at me as if I've gone quite mad.

KernowGael

Sorry Chiefsanuk, missed out on addressing your points. Thanks for looking that up for me, I was semi aware of some of the employers responsibilities etc. We, not long ago, had another pregnant lady who really abused the systems put in place to help, from day one of her pregnancy wouldn't lift a finger to do anything (as though she were terminally ill instead of just pregnant), so doubtless they'll be delighted if/when I tell them my news!

As things stand, we don't receive (and are not eligible for) HB and Council tax benefit. In any of the scenarios that I've fed into the calculators it hasn't shown as being a possibility either, although as said I could be just muddying the water.

Out of interest, how did you find going back to square one, nappies, night feeds, etc? I know it's not a big age gap but I'd gotten used to having an element of freedom now that my two are schoolgoing and semi independent.

xylophone

Don't be concerned about your age! We have one friend who had her first (though only) child at the age of 41, another who had her fourth (number 3 being around 20 at the time) at the age of 44 and my grannie had my youngest aunt at the age of 43.

A memory from my schooldays (I was a sixth former at the time) - a fellow pupil tottered in and whispered "We are having a baby..." Shock! Horror! Actually meant that Mum and Dad had mumbled that a sibling was on the horizon! Mum was about 42 at the time and the baby turned out to be a boy.

My friend and her sister were delighted and in fact she put off going to College for a year so that she could stay at home and help her mother.

I'm sure you'll find that your friends and family will be very pleased for you.

Good Luck!

merlin68

Could your hubby get an extra hour for tax credits, then you would get your rent and council tax paid. Plus maximum tax credits and wouldn't have to go back to work.

KernowGael

xylophone wrote: »

Don't be concerned about your age! We have one friend who had her first (though only) child at the age of 41, another who had her fourth (number 3 being around 20 at the time) at the age of 44 and my grannie had my youngest aunt at the age of 43.

A memory from my schooldays (I was a sixth former at the time) - a fellow pupil tottered in and whispered "We are having a baby..." Shock! Horror! Actually meant that Mum and Dad had mumbled that a sibling was on the horizon! Mum was about 42 at the time and the baby turned out to be a boy.

My friend and her sister were delighted and in fact she put off going to College for a year so that she could stay at home and help her mother.

I'm sure you'll find that your friends and family will be very pleased for you.

Good Luck!

Thanks for the reassurance! Am just sooo uncertain about which way to turn at the moment, it's been so unexpected that I'm really afraid I'll make the wrong decision. It's been a tough last few years and I was hoping things would start to ease up a bit, instead I find myself in utter turmoil.

Personally, I think my parents in law will be absolutely horrified as they wonder about our ability to manage at the moment.

KernowGael

merlin68 wrote: »

Could your hubby get an extra hour for tax credits, then you would get your rent and council tax paid. Plus maximum tax credits and wouldn't have to go back to work.

Hi,

Having our rent and council tax paid is a nice thought, however, we're not out for something for nothing and OH is perfectly able bodied. I only went full-time about 18 months ago in order to give him a chance to spend some time with the children and (basically) have something of a life. Prior to that he had been working 60/70 hours a week and I was doing 20, so we had a bit of a role reversal.

I just need to know that we could manage the upset to a pretty tight budget and come out the other side. It's tempting to take that route but, we want our children to grow up thinking that the norm is to get up and go out to work. Sometimes I wonder if that's doing them a disservice looking at the state of things but...........that's a whole other argument!