Mum has sudden amnesia and cant remember my dad!

betsie

I suppose I am just hoping for some reassurance. I am really struggling with this one and only got 1 hours sleep last night with it all going round in my head.

My dad is 86 and has dementia. It has progressed slowly and he has not been too bad, has no memory but ok eating, going the loo wathching Tv etc. Just under 2 weeks ago he started messing the bed at night - 5 nights in a row (he had had a blockage _ sorry if too much info) - then my mum took him too the dr's to get him a different laxative (been on lactulose for years) and some pain relief as been complaining of severe back pain. Dr gave him new powder laxative and strong painkillers, but these made him sleep all day and then made him sickey. Since then he has gone off his food and is not eating much. He has also had a few days of urine incontinence.

My mum who is 82 is his full time carer (I do go to see them for a few hours 5 days a week) and she is not a great sleeper. She has been very worried about dad and obviously wacked out from all the bed changing etc and sleeping with 1 ear open. My mum is also very deep and holds everything in.

I was there monday afternoon and she seemed normal, phoned her at 6pm to tell her Mrs Browns boys was on, again normal. She then phoned at 9pm to ask me who my dad was, she didnt know who he was and thought he was a lodger!!! I drove straight round there, went through loads of old pics and she can remember all the events and everyone in the pics (even my dads brother and wife) but not him. She was still helping him, doing his pills etc and they both sat laughing watching the Tv. She said she had got cross as he had not eaten his tea and I think this must have been the last straw.

Went today and she was going on about when I was 2 ( I am 42 now) but is ok with current events and reading the paper etc she just says she doesnt know who my dad is. I do not think she slept much last night either trying to remember. He was not great today either and she was being "normal" with him, rubbing his back, helping him get dressed etc but she said things like "how does he like his potatoes" " what does he have for lunch"?

I have been to the Dr's today and he wants her to get a blood test , I also requested an urgent scan for dad to see what is going on with his back and bowels.

Sorry for the ramble but I am finding this so hard too deal with, I think she is thinking the worse so has blocked my dad out so if he dies soon she won't be upset - does that make any sense.

Her first husband died in his 20's with asthma in the January (over 45 years ago) and then her youngest baby died in a fire the same year on April fools day and she never spoke their names again - not even too my two half sisters.

Has anyone experienced anything similar with eldery relatives?

belfastgirl23

Oh gosh I have no idea what to say to you except that there will probably be someone along soon with more experience of this sort of issue. I do think that you really need to get your mum some medical attention though. And ideally some more support with her caring role. Could you contact Carers UK to see if they are able to suggest any help that might mean she could get a few good nights sleep? I know people who have used the helpline and say it's very good http://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advice

I really hope you get something sorted out, this must be incredibly worrying for you.

WhiteHorse

A blood test? Ask the Doctor to explain exactly what the test is for.

It might, as you suggest, be a psychological thing, but personally I would be wondering about a small stroke and be pushing for a scan.

jackyann

Yes, I have, and I recommend that you contact Social Services for an assessment - it takes awhile, but best to get it all going NOW.
If you or your parents can afford it, I suggest you go to an agency and gets carers organised so that it doesn't all fall on your shoulders. If not, can you take time off work and/or mobilise other relatives?
Keep an on-going diary of what is happening so you can refer to it (you will get muddled too!)
Sort out the practical aspects, then when there is a bit of space, grieve for them, find someone to talk to about them.
This was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, and my thoughts are with you.

carefullycautious

At 82 she should be having carers going in to help. It really is too much even though keeps soldiering on bless her.

I would also suspect a TIA (Transient ischaemic attack) but Im sure the GP will try to eliminate other causes. A water infection can affect memory also in the elderly.

Also if she has been kept awake by your father at night she may be sleep deprived which will affect her memory.

There really are all sorts of reasons for this.

Do try and get her to have a rest or respite care

betsie

The dr says the blood test is too see if she is defiecient in certain minerals and vitamins that can effect memory. I really don't think it is this though, I do think it is stress, physical exhaustion and sleep deprivation. As I said If she hadn't phoned me and I had just gome round as normal today I would not have noticed anything different in her except she is tired out.
The doctor was going to ask the district nurse to visit and assess them - how long does it take to get a visit? (How long before I start chasing them?).
I ordered 2 bed pads and some pull up nappy things so he has that on for tonight so if he does have an accident it will be contained.
I have to try and get a urine sample from him but not sure how as he sits on the loo, any ideas?
Trying to be supportive too mum, had day off work today and did her ironing, cleaned floors, changed bed and sorted tea out, She had a nice bath so I hope she sleeps a bit better tonight.
I am hoping my 2 older sisters have had a shake up (they visited once every other alternate week) and visit at least once a week.

Miss_Havisham

Could she have a urinary tract infection? They can often cause mental confusion which comes on suddenly, especially in the elderly. A quick "dip test" by your GP would show an infection and a few days anti-biotics could really help Mum.

I feel for you, and agree with earlier posters about getting some support - it will help you too otherwise it will soon become a full time job for you and make you stressed and vulnerable to illness.

Take care of yourself.

Miss H

skipsmum

Miss_Havisham wrote: »

Could she have a urinary tract infection? They can often cause mental confusion which comes on suddenly, especially in the elderly. A quick "dip test" by your GP would show an infection and a few days anti-biotics could really help Mum.

I feel for you, and agree with earlier posters about getting some support - it will help you too otherwise it will soon become a full time job for you and make you stressed and vulnerable to illness.

Take care of yourself.

Miss H

I was just going to suggest the same thing - my mum gets much more confused when she has a urine infection. It used to really scare me but I understand it now!

I also echo getting some support, it is very wearing caring for anyone, let alone someone who can't remember who you are.

(Ive just read that back and it sounds like I'm bitter - I'm not, at all, just tired!)

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

A friend's mum had something like that last Christmas. She's 64.


No infection, but she spent a couple of weeks in the stroke unit of the local hospital. They said it was more like Transient Global Amnesia, which might be stroke/TIA, migraine or epilepsy related.

Seems like faffing around with a blood test isn't really acting on it much.

I would also be pushing for her to be assessed for dementia (esp vascular) as it's easy to ignore symptoms when someone else is far worse by comparison.


I hope all is well soon.

onlyroz

WhiteHorse wrote: »

A blood test? Ask the Doctor to explain exactly what the test is for.

It might, as you suggest, be a psychological thing, but personally I would be wondering about a small stroke and be pushing for a scan.

My thought was that she might have had a stroke.

Caroline_a

Oh dear my heart goes out to you OP, and to all those who are looking after elderly relatives. I looked after my dad for 4 years before he died, so I know what you are going through. Urine infections do make them very dappy I have to say, but I wonder has she had a mini breakdown? She's been trying to cope with a situation that is horrible for a young person, let alone someone older. I had to push my dad's GPs hard to get them to act - they were happy enough to get him to take loads of tests for simple things that they can claim back for, but not to act about the things that I knew were different and serious.