bereavement

margaretclare

Hi, my sympathies.

My younger daughter died very suddenly and unexpectedly 4 years ago. She was just 39. It happened on my DH's birthday and eldest GD's birthday, 2 weeks before our wedding anniversary and a couple of weeks after Christmas, so you can see that all those dates on the calendar are very very difficult for me.

The only thing I can say is - and I can hear my daughter saying it herself - is that life has to go on, life is for living and she would not want you to ruin your life because she has lost hers. What we do is to focus on the things she was so passionate about - the environment, wildlife, the countryside, a lot of issues like that. I give a prize every year to the college she went to after she'd decided on a complete career change - it's for the 'most environmentally-aware woman student on a countryside management course' - in other words, someone just like her. I've met some lovely young women, whether they're into raising rare-breed sheep or growing endangered wildflowers, they're people she would have loved to meet.

It never does go away. People say to me 'have you done any more writing, have you done this or that?' A lot of the impetus, the motivation, has gone. All the same I'm glad I have DH and I don't know what I'd do without him.

Very best wishes

Margaret

medical

My father in law was murdered a few years ago and in as much as i tried to talk it thru with OH i dont think i helped him in any way until my 'girlfriend' whose dad had died about thesame time came along and then they both got together to talk. in the end i asked my asked my friend and she said it was not something she could explain except it has happhened to one
I guess at this point i just always did nothing apart from hugging him really tight and but listened if hubby wanted to talk
God will give you the strength to carry on and each day you get thru is definately a success
medical

scoobysue_4

millymoomoo wrote:

How do people cope with bereavement. My only sister died 3 years ago tonight in a car accident and I feel just as awful as when it happened. Has anyone any words of wisdom they can share with me. I'm feeling so low at the moment. I feel like people expect me to be over it and to get on with my life.

hi milly, any loss however it happens hits a person hard but when the loss is a sudden/unexpected death this can be harder still to deal with, we dont get the chance to say the things we would have liked to say, sometimes we might have had words or relations with the person may have broken down. every person is different in how they grieve, in some cases the grieving process does happen properly and this can be for a variety of reasons also, very often if we think we are having to be strong for others and dont allways want to express our grief physically in front of them this can result in our supressing our own grief and this can result in a person keeping these feelings down as a way of coping instead of letting them out, we might have low days and little weeps but we are not grieving properly. there are no short cuts to grieving, it is something that has to be done to enable us to recover somewhat from our loss and enable us to continue living day to day," moving on" if you like. we never get over someones dying we just learn to live with it. its when this "moving on" stops or becomes distorted and affects this day to day living that we need to seek help of some kind. I myself sought the help of conselling through my place of work but this was totally wrong for me as it didnt deal with the type of loss i had had but then through a friend i was given the name of a fantastic woman who occasionally did councelling voluntarily through her church, not being a church goer i was worried about possibly having to become involved in some way but it was totally seperate to the church,s involvement i simply went as often as a felt i needed too and i didnt even have to give a donation unless of course i wanted too, without the fantastic counselling i got i might not have got to where i am today, i still have low days, and there are allways going to be anniversaries,xmas etc but with time it does get easier HONEST!, you might not need to see someone for very long and counselling is painful in the beginning as you are working your way through the reasons you are there but you will begin to see and feel things get easier and less painful. try to find out about a councillor thats suitable for you through word of mouth and remember that paying for a councillor does not necessarily mean that they wikll work for you. good look milly, take care and stay strong.