Feel like crawling under a rock

fannyanna

I feel really hesitant posting on here as I’m not really strong enough to get slaughtered for being pathetic but at the same time I feel I just need to get things off my chest.

I should say I am seeing a counsellor and I actually have an appointment tonight but I’m really not feeling good now and feel like I need to talk now.

I’m so miserable all the time. I’m fed up with myself being miserable so I’m sure everyone else is fed up with me being miserable. I sometimes even think my counsellor is sitting there thinking “oh here we go again”.

I started to see a counsellor not because I was thoroughly miserable but because there were things that I was unhappy with and I needed help to establish ways to improve things. But since starting counselling things have happened which have made me miserable. I feel silly talking about them because they’re not the end of the world and there are people who are going through so much more and really suffering but I just feel like I’ve reached a point where I just want to run away from it all.

To top it off my husband (who is normally level headed and laid back and my support) has now been diagnosed as suffering with anxiety and as well as the anxiety his mood has become very low and he’s struggling.

Last week I was able to support him as I was feeling ok (which was an odd feeling but I made the most of it). But since Saturday I’ve really been struggling myself and I feel as though I need support but I’m having to try and muster on as best I can and then also try to support him. I know I sound incredibly selfish but I don’t know how I’m going to be able to do it.

Sorry for moaning.

victory

Firstsly stop running yourself down, you are not selfish ,you are not moaning, you feel that way, you lack self confidence, a reason, a purpose but you are in the right direction, you have to see a counsellor, never has a counsellor sat there and thought about any person they help 'oh no here they go again' no way , they are trained they are professionals, without them you would be a whole lot worse than you are now.

If it means a lot to you, is getting you down, is making you this miserable then it is not inconsequential, it is about you and getting better, you can do that by counselling by letting them listening to you, by giving it time, by taking care of yourself and not thinking it is as bad as you think it is, it will get better

andygb

fannyanna wrote: »

I feel really hesitant posting on here as I’m not really strong enough to get slaughtered for being pathetic but at the same time I feel I just need to get things off my chest.

I should say I am seeing a counsellor and I actually have an appointment tonight but I’m really not feeling good now and feel like I need to talk now.

I’m so miserable all the time. I’m fed up with myself being miserable so I’m sure everyone else is fed up with me being miserable. I sometimes even think my counsellor is sitting there thinking “oh here we go again”.

I started to see a counsellor not because I was thoroughly miserable but because there were things that I was unhappy with and I needed help to establish ways to improve things. But since starting counselling things have happened which have made me miserable. I feel silly talking about them because they’re not the end of the world and there are people who are going through so much more and really suffering but I just feel like I’ve reached a point where I just want to run away from it all.

To top it off my husband (who is normally level headed and laid back and my support) has now been diagnosed as suffering with anxiety and as well as the anxiety his mood has become very low and he’s struggling.

Last week I was able to support him as I was feeling ok (which was an odd feeling but I made the most of it). But since Saturday I’ve really been struggling myself and I feel as though I need support but I’m having to try and muster on as best I can and then also try to support him. I know I sound incredibly selfish but I don’t know how I’m going to be able to do it.

Sorry for moaning.

Don't feel bad about sharing, because this is the best thing you can do for yourself. It seems to me that you are suffering from depression (I have been there), where everything is too much effort, you never feel happy, and you feel that everyone is judging or looking at you.
The best thing that you can do now, is go along to the meeting and really unload about how you feel. Possibly write down a list of things, which will help if your mind goes a blank.
Counsellors are there to help you.

Good luck.

Nicki

You aren't pathetic, and if anyone comes on to this thread and says that you are, well they don't know you in real life, and are probably just hiding behind a keyboard and making themselves feel better, as they genuinely would be pathetic.

I've read a bit about what has been happening with you and your husband over the last several months as we sometimes post on the same threads, and no bl**dy wonder you both feel wreched at the moment. Anyone would, and you should both grab all the support that's on offer.

Counsellors are in really short supply and are hard to get hold of. If you have been referred to one, then you definitely need one. If you have self referred but they are giving you regular appointments, the same applies.

I really hope you both feel better soon, and that the counsellor can work some magic with you both. It does take time to recover from things like this, so don't be too hard on yourself.

Millie2008_2

I'm sure that your counsellor isn't thinking that, I'm a counsellor and I have never felt like that about any of my clients. Could you go along tonight and be really honest with him/her, like andy said. Or print out you have posted and hand it to him/her if you are not quite sure how to put it in words.

Does your GP know that you are struggling? Could you make an appointment with him/her to talk through other treatment options if you feel like you need more than the counselling at the moment?

I know that there are lots of supportive people on here and the samartians are only at the end of the phone or an email, so please don't ever feel that you are alone :cuddle:

fannyanna

Thanks for your responses.

Nicki – thank you for your message. I don’t feel like such a drama queen now.

Millie – ironically I went to my GP last week about something else and I ended up being prescribed anti-depressants. I haven’t got the tablets yet as I had decided last week that I would try to deal with everything rather than just pop a pill.

I guess in a way the recent developments with my husband have kind of knocked me for six.

Nicki

I wouldn't rule out the anti depressants fannyanna. They aren't a substitute for dealing with issues, but a way of helping you get into a frame of mind where you can cope with dealing with them. Just like painkillers won't help a broken bone knit, but will make life more bearable while that happens.

Millie2008 wrote: »

the samartians are only at the end of the phone or an email, so please don't ever feel that you are alone :cuddle:

I know this was a DYAC moment (damn you auto correct) but it did make me smile. Does anyone else think the SA MARTIANS might be little green men from Johannesberg :rotfl:

fannyanna

Nicki wrote: »

I wouldn't rule out the anti depressants fannyanna. They aren't a substitute for dealing with issues, but a way of helping you get into a frame of mind where you can cope with dealing with them. Just like painkillers won't help a broken bone knit, but will make life more bearable while that happens.



I know this was a DYAC moment (damn you auto correct) but it did make me smile. Does anyone else think the SA MARTIANS might be little green men from Johannesberg :rotfl:

Point one - You're right that it's worth reconsidering whether or not to take them.

Point two - Didn't even notice but thanks for highlighting that as it's just put a smile on my face

Desperado99

Nicki wrote: »

I wouldn't rule out the anti depressants fannyanna. They aren't a substitute for dealing with issues, but a way of helping you get into a frame of mind where you can cope with dealing with them. Just like painkillers won't help a broken bone knit, but will make life more bearable while that happens.

I agree with this, I've been struggling with anxiety since before xmas, and took the decision to take the meds offered by my GP. they aren't magic pills and haven't instantly made my anxiety disappear, but they have made it possible for me to function while I work on getting better with counselling and CBT.

Hope it goes well with your appointment tonight.

chocolate_dream

I felt in a similar position yesterday for one reason or another. I was upset and opened up about my worries on this site yesterday. I did initially feel stupid for doing so but I was just so upset at the time that I just did. It was amazing how helpful it was, especially given that this is a MSE forum really. Everyone was so supportive and it helped to the extent that this morning I was more happy than I have been for a while. I think that the people on this site are a wealth of support and varied experiences, and knowing that there are so many people trying to help, well that in itself makes you feel happier, I have to admit that the fact there there were so many different perspectives was particularly helpful too. I don't think you're pathetic, I think that perhaps most people go through phases where they just don't know where to turn anymore and sometimes, turning where you didn't expect can be surprisingly helpful.

fannyanna

Just wanted to update from yesterday.

My husband had another little melt down yesterday evening and I tried my best to support him. I think I did a good job as he started to feel a lot better after a good chat. I was also able to tell him that I've been struggling too. So I think we were both feeling a lot better after our chat.

My counselling session also went really well and it was really nice to be able to leave feeling better and also feeling positive.

Today is a new day and I know it's going to be difficult going forward. There are going to be days where my husband is not good (he's already feeling bad again). There will be days where I don't feel good. Then there are going to be the days that I dread - when we're both not feeling good. But we'll survive it and eventually we'll both start feeling better.

You can tell I'm still in positive mode today can't you lol.