Worried about person who drink drove

BitterAndTwisted

Popping out to the garden? I expect that he was doing coke out there. That's why he was up all night and pacing around. People in that state often think that the drink and coke cancel each other out, so they're fine to drive. Or do any number of foolish and reckless things.

I doubt very much that he will harass you. More likely that he may even try to call and act as if nothing bad happened. Don't accept any contact whatsoever.

Ames

Can I just say that mental illness doesn't necessarily cause alcholism and stupidity! Even if he has MI, acting like this is more down to him being an !!!! than it is to that.

Dave_liverpool

llh189 wrote: »

Several years ago I was due to get married for varying reasons we broke up.

He went on to be married and have a child, but the relationship broke up after he had a partying / drug / stress breakdown. They were huge party animals I am absolutely not.

He was sectioned albeit for a very short period of time. He managed to get his life back on track, and found his career again as a solicitor. He and his wife had a clean break settlement but he is not able to see his child, which he consented too!

I am now pretty sure I do not know the entire story but eventually lots of people with mental health issues get well. So I guess I thought he was well!

Fast forward to now, he and I re-established a friendship although in it's very early stages. We were not under any circumstance getting back together, we both new this and I was trying to be a friend to him, as I felt he needed some friendly support.

Last week he seemed to have a terrible week at work - fell out with a judge, I text on friday trying to cheer him up about it being the weekend and relaxing etc. I got a very miserable text back from him about the weekend, he lives in a shared house, no TV etc and that his weekend was going to be him getting drunk alone as he'd been let down by a friend, that his life was !!!!!! and not worth a lot!

Friday evening I felt incredibly sorry for him and said he could come to my house on Saturday, a change of scene might do him some good, but I was having a relaxed PJ's / takeaway, non boozy night in front of the telly and probably an early night, stressed these things and made up the spare room for him!

He got here yesterday afternoon and seemed fine, chatty and happy. At 5pm he opened some wine, I had half a glass, by 6.30 he was on his second bottle and by 8 pm had opened a bottle of champagne. His started to talk about the separation and breakdown and was very angry and I was a little scared to be honest. At 9 pm I went to bed, put a chair up against my door and left him to it, I did ask him not to drink anymore, I got told of for nagging, it's Saturday night for f'ing sake!

I heard him moving around all night so he obviously had no sleep. I went down at 6.30 to find him awake and still very drunk.

I had told him last night several times that I had plans for today and then he needed to leave by 10 am. We fell out about the state he was in and again I was incredibly uncomfortable and worried about what he might do. My plans were not a surprise and I had told him before he was drunk about them and kept referencing them.

I rang a local hotel and told him that I would drive him there so he could sleep it off - he didn't want that, I said that I would pay if it was a money issue.

I offered to collect his brother from an hour away to drive him home and then give him money so he could get the train home - again no!

He then said he'd sleep it off in his car like he had done lots of times, I offered him a blanket, which he turned down.

He excused of engineering this situation, about not telling him about my plans for today and that causing a row just for the sake of it. He also started to be insulting and swearing at me. He stomped off to his car.

When I left he was curled up, seemingly asleep on the back seat of his car.

I went out but text him saying I was sorry that the night ended the way it did but was glad he was going to sleep it off. I got a saying it was f'ing freezing and that he had left and that if he killed someone or himself it would be my fault. I rushed home to find he had gone.

I don't know exactly where he lives only just it is somewhere nearly two hours from me or the make model of his car!

I had two more very nasty text messages saying things like I am scummy, that this was a revenge attack by me for our break up 11 years ago and I will get what is coming to me - since midday I haven't heard anything.

I have tried his mobile, hiding my number and not, it rings and rings and then goes to voicemail and I have text but no replies and I am scarred about what might have happened, to him and to others.

it is now obvious to me that overnight he drank more alcohol and hide the empties, and to be honest I was too scarred to leave him in my home, with or without me being here and he promised that he wouldn't drive, given he knew he'd be endangering himself, others and if pulled over would lose he job and licence, and accused me of being stupid and making out that he was stupid - although his language was more fragrant than that, if I thought for one minute that he would drive.

I don't know what to do now and I am scarred about any reprisal he might enact on me if he gets in to trouble and I am of course wracked with worry about him hurting himself and more than that others!

I feel I can't call the police and wouldn't know who to actually call as there of four counties between where I live and he does.

I did think of mystery calling his work tomorrow to see if he is in, if he is all is obviously OK. My mum thinks that he is not returning my calls etc to freak me out.

Having not spent much time with him one to one, I was totally unaware of his state of mind and it now seems obvious that he is not as fully recovered as I suspected, I was also unaware about his current relationship with drink!

If he has been arrested would the police turn his phone off? I can't barely think what he might to do me if he has been.

Sorry but he had already stated his weekend plans!
I think you should have had better judgement and not invited him at all to your house for an early night! Did you know how much drink he had with him or in your house? perhaps a start point of meeting him would have just been a lunch or tea, sorry I think you were misguided in your intentions. To invite someone round clearly in a bad place/time in their life and then 'abandon' them at such an ealry time of evening then expect him to have the wherewith all to be able to drive by 10am, no, sorry bad call.

Now if I were you I would steer clear from evening invites.

sleepless_saver

Dave_liverpool wrote: »

Now if I were you I would steer clear from evening invites.

OP, I'd also steer clear of posting quite so much identifiable info including a lot of personal detail and places. I don't want to worry you, but you don't know who might be reading so it might be wiser to edit some of your posts.

flutterby_lil

sleepless_saver wrote: »

OP, I'd also steer clear of posting quite so much identifiable info including a lot of personal detail and places. I don't want to worry you, but you don't know who might be reading so it might be wiser to edit some of your posts.

I bet there are lots of solicitors that live in that area, unless the post has now been edited and there isn't much identifiable info in it.

I'd just be grateful he isn't answering your calls. I would most definitely ring his work though, I am too nosy not too.

stayingupright

Ames wrote: »

Can I just say that mental illness doesn't necessarily cause alcholism and stupidity! Even if he has MI, acting like this is more down to him being an !!!! than it is to that.

Thanks for saying this

I have bipolar, and I find it a bit insulting to say that people with mental illness can "get better".

After losing my DD1 I did drink (for the first time in 4 years, and very little), join swinging & sex dating sites, as I was manic - most likely due to the grief. BUT at no time did I ever get into a vehicle and drive.

People with mental illness (depending on the illness), don't get "better", they learn to live *with* their illness, taking medications as directed (non compliance is very common), is part of this... even then they can have relapses, but don't attempt to manipulate others by making threats - this doesn't sound like bipolar, the threats sound much more like borderline personality disorder.

Whatever it is though OP, it's not your problem. You need to take care of yourself, not to worry about his mental health - clue - it's HIS mental health!

I also think you're worries were misdirected. I wouldn't worry about his safety at all, he took the choice to get into a car inebriated - if he got hurt that's up to him... BUT it is NOT OK for the poor people who didn't decide to share a road with an idiot who chooses to act in a reckless way, and they are the only ones deserving sympathy.

While it's nice to try to support a friend, I really wouldn't get drawn into any realtionship - even friendship - with someone as manipulative & reckless as him, it will only bring you down

meritaten

sorry OP - but it seems you may be part of the problem without being aware of it.
and, I forgot to say that I applaud you for reporting a drunk driver. That was a good thing to do.
I would put him out of your mind - chances are that he will never contact you again!

LudaMusser

He is your EX for a reason, move on

Seanymph

Did you find out what happened?

DVardysShadow

Seanymph wrote: »

Did you find out what happened?

I think we should be encouraging her to bury this one. not dig it up again!