Worried about brother

Wine_of_the_World

I think many people have taken what I am trying to say wrongly. I am a concerned sister - I love my brother heaps, and over the years I have helped him lots with different things, so we do have a good relationship. I am however worrried about him - esp in the long term.

Lizzybop - I think that my parents have to some extent contributed to the situation - your brother sounds pretty similar to mine.

busiscoming2

I understand your concern. You don't want him to miss out on life.

If your parents are still treating him like a child then he will carry on being looked after and won't learn to help himself. Perhaps talking to your parents rather than your brother is an idea. He knows no different, they do. Maybe they can step down and make him more responsible for himself and help him to become more capable in the outside world.

meritaten

You could be talking about MY brother - 20 years ago.
Then he did volunteer work and met a woman (a few years older than him) and they got married......and he is very happy now. Still not very sociable, but he (with her support) went to Uni and got a very good degree - which he didnt have the confidence for before. She was the making of him!
Don't despair hun - but you do need to get him out of the house for a time each week! does he have an interest? perhaps you could take him a couple of times a week?

anxious_mum

Your brother sounds like my son! He has no friends, no social life, and I can see him living with me when he is 30 plus. Having said that, my son has aspergers, so he has no need for outside stimulus, he is happy doing what he wants to do and wouldn't appreciate someone telling him otherwise. I'm not for one minute saying that this is the case with your bro, but I think you need to tread carefully.....different people need different things in their lives, and what you think is right for you may not be right for him.

harrassedmum

Like many others I have a brother just the same. I worry about the situation too. He did move out once into shared accommodation and it was a total nightmare. He was taken advantage of financially by what I can only describe as 'pond life', they even stole his microwave!!!! He is just to laid back and trusting. He quickly moved back in with my parents and all is well again.

But there maybe good news on the horizon, he has a girlfriend now and has started to spread his wings but very very slowly.

All you can do is support and be there for your brother as he will get there eventually.

Didsburylass

I can see why you're worried and think some people are being a little harsh, I think it's nice he has a sister who cares about him.

It does sound like he could be existing, rather than living, to me. I was in a similar situation in my early 20s, wasted a couple of years living with my parents, hardly going out, didn't know what career I wanted, and the longer it went on the harder it was to take the plunge.

Then I moved out, got a social life, and realised how amazing life was.

Not saying that's definitely the case with your brother, maybe he is genuinely happy with the life he has now... but maybe he's not.

It's worth a talk with him I think, if you handle it very sensitively.

Sugar_Coated_Owl

Hi, I have sent the OP a PM.

I'm in a similar situation to the OP's brother (I'm female btw). I still live at home with my Dad and I have hardly any friends. I'm very quiet and shy and lack confidence. When I'm at home I'm often alone in my room. I wouldn't say I was sad but I do get very lonely. I'm just not sure what the answer to my situation is.

I don't want to hijack this thread but any advice would be welcome.

t0rt0ise

My son is the same. He did leave home for a while and went to study but dropped out totally depressed and came back home. Now the two of us share house.. share the bills down the middle so he's not living off me and neither of us could afford to live alone where we do, so it makes sense to share house. But I do worry that he doesn't appear to have a girl friend or a boy friend. I did say to him once jokingly after my daughter had given birth that now he needs to give me a grandchild too and he said also jokingly "oh mum do I have to" as if he really was happy with his lot and didn't want a serious relationship. I worry about him after I'm gone which hopefully won't be for some years but what then...

morganedge

He has got a job though, which puts him well above most of the people I know who sound similar to him.
What do people think he's missing out on specifically? (a few posters have mentioned that it sounds like he's 'existing rather than living')

Is it having a girlfriend? (That's a headache right there if you ask me, so i'm not sure he's 'missing out' on much there)
Going out with mates on a Saturday night and getting drunk?

what should he be doing?

Sugar_Coated_Owl

Living rather than living<<< agree.