Need a bit of direction

keepcalm40

Feel such a fool for not recognising it, and maybe jeopardising my children's future happiness. Just got to get out of here soon x

Hanging_by_a_thread

You are not a fool at all. You have recognised it before your husband has become physically violent. You would be horrified how many women get to suffering this level of abuse before the reality of their predicament is faced.

Do you have friends or family nearby who could put you up till you get on your feet? Gather together important documents. I dont feel it is now if, but when, you feel ready to go only worry about essentials. Clothing, possessions, everything else can be sorted in time. What is of paramount importance now is the safety of yourself, your child and your much loved pet.

Please look after yourself and come on here as much as you need for help and support.

Errata

he says because im not a "proper" wife as a"proper" wife has sex 3 times a week!

lmao - in his dreams they do!
Sorry OP, he sounds like every woman's nightmare. Do try and make some concrete plans to safeguard yourself and your children.

keepcalm40

Feeling very positive today, Ive been reading through a lot of sites and with great advice from you I'm gathering my stuff together (just incase). Heartbreaking that I will have to leave my lovely home and all that Ive worked so hard for but then its only material things! Who needs furniture hey !
I can go to my mothers for a while until i can rent somewhere, and will start to confide in people i trust xx

Caroline_a

Great attitude, OP! Houses and furniture can be got again, the hours and days you are wasting in an unhappy marriage can't.

Good luck!
x

bargainbetty

Small point, have you spoken to your local Safer Neighbourhood team or Domestic Violence Unit from the Police?

If you speak to them, and discuss the matter with them and your fears, you may find you aren't the one who needs to go. You say he doesn't hit you, but he shoves you sometimes. Shoves you? So, he lays hands upon you and moves them with force. That is still assault. He has threatened violence against your pet and you. You do not have to put up with this.

Call the DV unit and discuss with them the possibility of a Temporary Restraining Order (TRO). Your husband can be prevented from attending the residence for a set period of time (or permanently) and for the security of your child it would make more sense for him to go than you.

Once the TRO is in place, it is a legally binding restriction. if your OH doesn't comply with the terms, he will be arrested and jailed.

If nothing else, it is going to give you the time and space you need to make your arrangements to be free of the bully.

Good luck x

keepcalm40

Thought I would update you, spoke to someone at women's aid that was very heplful, listened to me and gave a local number which will help me to access legal and financial advice with support etc, am on the case and will hopefully I will be out of this soon x

daska

bargainbetty wrote: »

Small point, have you spoken to your local Safer Neighbourhood team or Domestic Violence Unit from the Police?

If you speak to them, and discuss the matter with them and your fears, you may find you aren't the one who needs to go. You say he doesn't hit you, but he shoves you sometimes. Shoves you? So, he lays hands upon you and moves them with force. That is still assault. He has threatened violence against your pet and you. You do not have to put up with this.

Call the DV unit and discuss with them the possibility of a Temporary Restraining Order (TRO). Your husband can be prevented from attending the residence for a set period of time (or permanently) and for the security of your child it would make more sense for him to go than you.

Once the TRO is in place, it is a legally binding restriction. if your OH doesn't comply with the terms, he will be arrested and jailed.

If nothing else, it is going to give you the time and space you need to make your arrangements to be free of the bully.

Good luck x

^^^^ DO THIS!

And clear your internet history

Then assemble all the important paperwork you will need (the bits which won't be quickly missed) and make a list of the rest so you can grab it if necessary. Doesn't have to be the original, if you have a digital camera you can take photos of relevant documents and email them to yourself for safe keeping . Passports, marriage/birth certificates, all financial (bank/pension,mortgage) details etc. Sometimes things move very quickly and the important thing is that you have a list of it with the various account/reference numbers. Store it with your mum.

CH27

keepcalm40 wrote: »

Thought I would update you, spoke to someone at women's aid that was very heplful, listened to me and gave a local number which will help me to access legal and financial advice with support etc, am on the case and will hopefully I will be out of this soon x

Well done! Now stay strong & get out of there.