Help - I'm a mess :(

MELLA_2

Also what about thinking of doing something when your kids go to their dads. Like some sort of part time job or using your childcare experience for babysitting.

To get a professional CRB checked babysitter we used to have to pay about £15 per hour for a babysitter and this was a while back. We had no one to take care of kids and wanted someone we could trust. We only did it about once every seven weeks but at the time just managing to get out for that time was heaven. So why not offer your services moving away from childminding to babysitting - or even contact one of the agencies. Or post an advert.

Also I think it really sad your ex put you in the debts and that you are not really receiving any financial support. Do you talk to him about it, or about what you are having to deal with. He really needs to learn in life there are consequences for his actions and that he has offloaded everything onto you.

Fundamentally you are paying his gambling debts. This is very sad.

glasgowsaver2011

MELLA wrote: »

Also what about thinking of doing something when your kids go to their dads. Like some sort of part time job or using your childcare experience for babysitting.

To get a professional CRB checked babysitter we used to have to pay about £15 per hour for a babysitter and this was a while back. We had no one to take care of kids and wanted someone we could trust. We only did it about once every seven weeks but at the time just managing to get out for that time was heaven. So why not offer your services moving away from childminding to babysitting - or even contact one of the agencies. Or post an advert.

Also I think it really sad your ex put you in the debts and that you are not really receiving any financial support. Do you talk to him about it, or about what you are having to deal with. He really needs to learn in life there are consequences for his actions and that he has offloaded everything onto you.

Fundamentally you are paying his gambling debts. This is very sad.

Its in his interest to keep things amicable.

The CSA will decide how much a month he can afford.

20 quid a week per kid is hardly fair!

flis21

He won't see it like that, unfortunately. And I have spoken to him about the debt situation and he just said to me to go bankrupt and that would sort it. (he went bankrupt last year and cleared the debts in his own name) I'm a bit worried about doing that, I don't know what the implications would be with me being self employed and what affect it will have on me in the long term, (and I don't really like the idea of doing it!) that's why i want to get some professional advice.

Maintenance is the same, he has said to me that I get benefits and he doesn't so it's not far if he has to pay any more. money is a big thing with him (and a big part of our break up). I've had him on the phone again tonight going on about money he's spent on the car and he suggested that I could help pay for some of the repairs to his car as the kids go in it!!!

I'll def look into the babysitter thing, can't believe how much they earn!!! I only charge £3.75 for minding! My ex isn't always 100% reliable about when he's supposed to have the kids, but I could ask my Mum to be back up if he pulls out and I'm supposed to be working. Also have to factor in the fact that i don't have a car, so would need to get taxi back, but if I'm earning £15 an hour a taxi shouldn't be a big problem!!

(oh and I doubt he's stopped gambling, he has an addictive personality and can never give up anything!! he's also an alcoholic, altho he won't admit it!!) Sorry I didn't mean to turn this into a bash my ex post!!

thehappybutterfly

flis21 wrote: »

(oh and I doubt he's stopped gambling, he has an addictive personality and can never give up anything!! he's also an alcoholic, altho he won't admit it!!) Sorry I didn't mean to turn this into a bash my ex post!!

My God, are you sure he's not my ex?! They sound the same but mine is loooong behind me though!

Anyway, you're right - this isn't the forum for ex-bashing. It sounds like you're well shot of him but stick to your guns about giving/loaning him money regardless of whether your boys will be "affected" or not. He might start emotionally blackmailing you by saying the babes are suffering but don't fall for it. The money you make and the benefits you receive are for you and your boys not your ex. However, if he plays silly !!!!!!s by cutting down your maintenance etc, get to the CSA and hit him where it hurts!

flis21

He was blackmailing me to start with, saying I had to give him petrol money to come and see the boys etc. In the end I stood my ground and said no. He gets free train travel, so I pointed out that if he can't afford the petrol he can get the train to ours instead! I have warned him that if he starts messing around with what he's paying me then I will go to the CSA. I am relying on his money and I can't afford him to miss payments. I must admit tho since we agreed it he has paid every month on his pay day. That doesn't stop him asking me for money, but I'm just making sure I don't give any to him!!

thehappybutterfly

You sound like a smart cookie - I'm sure you'll get there in the end and be better for it.

Keep strong and think positive x

dancingfairy

Do you think you are underpricing yourself with the childminding? After all you do have a professional teaching qualification, and a CRB check? I wonder whether people might think you're substandard (or desperate) as you seem quite cheap? Cheaper than the going rate is good but you don't want to be tooo cheap. I appreciate it's difficult if it's family friends etc and you don't want to be seen to be ripping them off but maybe other people are put off if you are tooo cheap? You've also got to cover your costs as well especially if you are feeding them, using your electric etc.
Best of Luck - you seem very keen and you'll do well with the debt busting.
df

BitterAndTwisted

Flis the change in your attitude on here in the short time you have been posting is astounding. Top marks to you, lady. Treating every penny as a prisoner will very soon become a habit, so second nature you won't even notice it. You'll never look at treating yourself with money you don't have in the same light again if you keep going. You have achieved a lot already in a very short time.

Have a wee think about other routes you could get yourself advertised out there. I would have thought that working parents would be crying out for childminding services,. Quite soon it will be half-term, won't it? Make a big deal about your qualifications. People value that. and realise you probably won't be parking nippers in front of a video, they'll be doing something constructive.

Pop over and join us on the Old-Style forum

kerri_gt

I've been reading your thread today and I just wanted to wish you the best on your debt free journey, it sounds like it's helped having others to speak to today. I won't bash your ex, but honestly, petrol money indeed - they're his kids too - grrrrrr. Regarding people mentioning your pricing, it does sound really cheap to me, perhaps you could try advertising in some new places with a higher rate and lots of focus on your qualifications and see what comes of it. Oh, and with regard to some tutoring, although of course you have to consider what you would do with your two boys, you'd be amazed at what people will do to ensure their kids get a head start - could be worth putting some feelers out. Best of luck x

glasgowsaver2011

flis21 wrote: »

Maintenance is the same, he has said to me that I get benefits and he doesn't so it's not far if he has to pay any more. money is a big thing with him (and a big part of our break up). I've had him on the phone again tonight going on about money he's spent on the car and he suggested that I could help pay for some of the repairs to his car as the kids go in it!!!

!

Let the CSA decide whats fair

If its not fair they wont pay anything. But then that would mean he does not have to pay

He does not want you to contact the CSA as he knows he would have to pay more. Direct from his wages if need be.

Kids go in the car so you should pay for his car repairs

I am guessing they are only your kids and not his then!

He gives us dads a bad name

I really would contact the CSA use the extra money on you and your kids.

If he earns 20k a year you will get 350 a month!